winners and losers

[...]

Not that I have much care anymore behind the pain, I see my CTBing this way:

I have four people I truly care about; My mother, my father, my ex, and myself.

Life will continue to be worse for myself and my ex if I stay alive

Life will be worse for my mother and father if I die.

So that makes the scores level at 2:2 but the tiebreaker is decided by oneself because I am selfish.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Do you have siblings? Are your parents together or partnered? I think these things can matter too

 

[...]

Do you have siblings? Are your parents together or partnered? I think these things can matter too

Parents are together. Have two siblings but I have barely spoke to them or felt close to them since I was a young child. Maybe I am fucked up to not think about them in this as I'm sure they will be hurt by it and it's not like we don't like one another or anything like that but yet if I am being brutally honest I can't bring myself to care that much for them.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is inevitable that suicide will cause pain to those left behind. But of course there is nothing selfish about suicide, as we never asked to exist and we have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing.

 

[...]

It is inevitable that suicide will cause pain to those left behind. But of course there is nothing selfish about suicide, as we never asked to exist and we have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing.

even if it is. i can deal with being selfish. it's the only time in my life ive been able to do the selfish thing.