Venting Why people say they care when they don’t?

[LilGhost]

I feel sad. I feel lonely: I feel surreal. I remember my friends care, but I fear like they stopped. I want to ctb this week and I've been planning to schedule smth for weeks, but nothing. We finally got a hang out few days ago, but two of my friends were fighting so we ended up not even talking. I just feel dread. I will be gone before having a proper goodbye with them. And I'm also feel guilty every time I try to schedule smth. Because they will end up feeling sad that they couldn't see me last time and that they "missed the signs". I just want to have one good memory before I'm gone is it to much to ask for? I will send them an email with ctb letters before scheduled 10hours past the date (so I can take it down if I somehow survive and so they can't stop me). But if I won't send shit, Will my corps even be found? I'm not very close with neighbors so I'm not even sure whenever they would call police once the rotting smell will turn impossible for neighbors to bear. I'll just fucking rot in that rope. And they won't attend my funerals because wouldn't be surprised if that would be in my home country.
I was doomed ever since March. I survived thanks to one of my friends but there is just no other choice now (thanks to my transphobic and abusive ass parents yay). I want to ask them, why and if they care. But they won't answer honestly. And it would just lead to more pain after I'm gone. That's just so unfair that I can't be selfish and greedy even with my departure. I have to prioritize those who lives feelings

Idk. I just wanna feel family love. My friend who was part of my "chosen family" wasn't considering me really one. It is just to cruel. I'm doomed to differ from people not in charismatic way, but in annoying for society ways. But in feeling deeper then people way, but being unable to feel close (i have autism). I had two main emotions in my life: pain and embarrassment.

I can't wait to be finally gone. Worst thing, if I'll get those stupid migraines again that won't let me do shit as I can't even fucking die due to how painful it's to move. I hope I will succeed

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think people do care but only to some extent. I imagine most people- if we're honest- are trying to cope with their own shit first. Then- with whatever they have left or, if they really need others so hope their efforts will be reciprocated- they may help others. I suppose I just think someone has to be so strong and level to be able to always be there for another and, I wonder how many people are these days.

We can also experience 'pity fatigue' I think- sadly. If someone is continually telling us they are struggling- each week is apparently worse than the one before- (and, it may well be of course) I suppose people (sadly) tire of it eventually and, run out of ways to respond sympathetically. (Like in the story- The Boy who cried Wolf.)

The really sad situation I think is when it's someone who is continually there for others but then, those people don't have the same staying power for them in return.