Do you speak about your suicidal ideation irl ?

[telekon]

You shouldn't. You get locked up that way. I haphazardly mention it to my dad sometimes, but always in the past tense. Like that one time I "almost" killed myself.

I talk to myself a lot though and my landlord hears. I got the cops at my door this morning lol...

 

[BradGuy123]

I don't have suicidal ideation per se. I do have generalized anxiety disorder. I worry a lot. My main worry is employment and getting laid off and not being able to find a job for a long time and losing everything. At that point I might have to CTB. I have thought about how I would do it. Nobody - not a soul - knows I have had these thoughts and I'm on this forum. Doing so would worry them greatly.

 

[ThatsAllFolks2218]

I wish I could speak about my suicidal ideation in real life but if I do so, they will put me into psych ward and it's the last thing I deserve.
How do you cope with this secret ? It's really going to drive me crazy !! I'm highly suicidal since 4 years now and I don't see any other option than ctb. I have ideation since 30+ years but it got worse after multiple traumas. Why can't I just have access to a little N bottle ?

Noooo haha. Not even to a therapist. Don't want to end up 51/50d

 

[anopenwound]

Everytime I read about how impossible it is to mention these things in America I get the chills. Here I literally told doctors I have plans and they still sent me home.

Which goes to say: yeah, I do. I mean that now I do. It has gotten to that point of utter desperation.

 

[vitbar]

I do with some people. Some close friends and my doctor. I hide it with most, though people know I get depressed. It would only worry or cause issues if I told those people. Those I do share with understand.

The other reason I am reluctant is that I find the relief from sharing addictive. This cycle has ended friendships, and sends me spiraling.

 

[ThePainKiller]

I dont and never will, im not blowing away my cover of my last option to find true peace once shit hits the fan.

 

[thevoidpointer]

Never told anyone but I have obvious cuts

 

[AJwantsToGo]

Nope, I already know the routine. Psych ward, release, same old thing. Plus people cant do anything, so why worry them? although I do have the desire to chat with someone honestly and get everything off my chest.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

No.

All I once got hear was: "You need a doctor" and almost certainly a doctor cannot solve the problem that makes me suicidal.

 

[meddle]

all the time, hahaha. i guess im quite a talker

 

[charlavail]

don't tell your family, don't tell your friends unless one of them has expressed that they recently had been dealing with similar things and even then be weary. i had a friend who went to the same psych hospital i did, and did the same outpatient i did and what still incredibly unsupportive and not understanding of how i was feeling. you can usually talk to your therapist about it but be careful about how much you share in terms of what you actually have planned and always lead with "i don't have a plan" and make it clear it's "passive SI and not constant, no real plan" etc etc because usually unless you have a plan they usually won't commit you. it sucks because you can't be fully honest ever.

 

[unluckysadness]

don't tell your family, don't tell your friends unless one of them has expressed that they recently had been dealing with similar things and even then be weary. i had a friend who went to the same psych hospital i did, and did the same outpatient i did and what still incredibly unsupportive and not understanding of how i was feeling. you can usually talk to your therapist about it but be careful about how much you share in terms of what you actually have planned and always lead with "i don't have a plan" and make it clear it's "passive SI and not constant, no real plan" etc etc because usually unless you have a plan they usually won't commit you. it sucks because you can't be fully honest ever.

I totally agree with this post. When my psychiatrist told me if I had plans or a scenario, I told them "no, I'm just bored and tired but I don't want to kill myself, I want to recover".

Take care with psychiatrists, they have a huge power to put you in psych ward againt your will, so every word must be carefully considered. And if the doctor prescribes you drugs, say "yes" (even if you don't take them). To be honest is not always a good thing with these meds. But I may be wrong (I know it's a lie). It's my personal view but in my situation I think it's the least worst solution.

 

[Painforever]

I have told my mother 10+ times, she just doesn't even register that the reasons i have are completely valid and that im serious about me doing it.
She just doesn't even think its possible for me to want to kill myself or something? just no emotion not saying more than 2 sentences of no empathy