Are you more suicidal in the morning / afternoon / evening ?

[unluckysadness]

Are you more suicidal in the morning / afternoon / evening ?

I'm asking that because since I'm in extreme isolation since almost 5 years, I'm more suicidal and anxious in the afternoon (especially between 4pm and 6pm and on the weekend it's worse). I also have huge ideation when I go to bed and when I wake up at nights (I'm always thinking about SN, if I fasted enough). And when I wake up it's just like a nightmare because I realize that I'm still here...

Taking diazepam helps a little bit but it doesn't resolve my isolation problem. I have huge anxiety / panic attacks may happen so I don't even want to meet people (even my own family because nobody can understand my suffering). I also read that solitude can be addictive. But this fucking sick world doesn't help to meet new people...

 

[Macedonian1987]

I am most suicidal in the morning because the pain in my body is strongest in the morning.

 

[SASU-KE]

It's evening for me. In the Morning everything is better after I have some coffee

Also, my day is pretty busy, have a lot of stuff to take care of so not much time to overthink.And in the evening, once I'm done with tea and dinner, that's when it hits the hardest. The loneliness sets in,Sasu is loaded on the browser and things are downhill from there.

 

[Lapdog6795]

Generally in the morning because I rarely get good sleep. Sometimes in the evening too.

 

[babyneo1]

I am most suicidal in the morning because the pain in my body is strongest in the morning.

What pain you have?

 

[chaoschuckler]

Whenever my brain isn't occupied with thoughts or when my body is tired

 

[Dejected 55]

The answer to the OP's question is... Yes. I'm suicidal and depressed pretty much all the time.

 

[unluckysadness]

I am most suicidal in the morning because the pain in my body is strongest in the morning.

I also have constant pain, especially in the morning (I feel like i'm 90...). The heart should stop beating when we're suffering that much, but it can beat for 40 more years... Chronic pain is a biological nonsense.

 

[Macedonian1987]

What pain you have?

Multi joint pain: neck , shoulder, hip, ankle, knee.... all of this at the age of 39
I don't have rheumatoid arthritis, my joints just age at an accelerate rate, bad genes from my mother's side.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I work 4 nights a week and I'm generally ok those nights, but on the nights I'm off is when my demons come out. So the nights are my worse.

Sometimes it'll hit me during the morning or afternoon, but nothing compared to night.

Well, this was kind of awkward... As I was responding to this, I all of a sudden got the first verse from the song "Wearing The Inside Out" from Pink Floyd in my head ...

"From morning to night, I stayed out of sight
Didn't recognize I'd become
No more than alive, I'd barely survive"


What the hell? Thanks, now I need to go listen to it!

 

[Spite]

I'm most suicidal in the morning, I would say. It's when my day begins... and I physically struggle to drag myself out of bed to go to work. "Another day", I say to myself. "Fuck".

In the mornings I'm surrounded by my awful coworkers too which makes me so miserable I can barely find the words to describe it.

I sometimes experience major bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts in the evening when I'm sitting in my dark, empty room alone.

I've noticed I am generally least suicidal in the afternoon... but I'm still very depressed all day, every day.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I also have constant pain, especially in the morning (I feel like i'm 90...). The heart should stop beating when we're suffering that much, but it can beat for 40 more years... Chronic pain is a biological nonsense.

Chronic pain is having your own body as a cage. Your own body is turning against you to make you feel like a prisoner inside it. I have so many things that I want to do, and i cant do them because of this pain. I want to hike, enjoy nature, climb hills like i did up until when i was 23 years old.

My soul is caged inside a body that is broken down and not able to perform properly (both mentally and physically)

 

[babyneo1]

Multi joint pain: neck , shoulder, hip, ankle, knee.... all of this at the age of 39
I don't have rheumatoid arthritis, my joints just age at an accelerate rate, bad genes from my mother's side.

Sad bro, what makes you keep going in life?

 

[unluckysadness]

"Another day", I say to myself. "Fuck"

I have the same thoughts but in french ("putain fait chier c'est pas possible, encore un jour de merde à souffrir... ça finira quand ??")

 

[purebliss]

Are you more suicidal in the morning / afternoon / evening ?

I'm asking that because since I'm in extreme isolation since almost 5 years, I'm more suicidal and anxious in the afternoon (especially between 4pm and 6pm and on the weekend it's worse). I also have huge ideation when I go to bed and when I wake up at nights (I'm always thinking about SN, if I fasted enough). And when I wake up it's just like a nightmare because I realize that I'm still here...

Taking diazepam helps a little bit but it doesn't resolve my isolation problem. I have huge anxiety / panic attacks may happen so I don't even want to meet people (even my own family because nobody can understand my suffering). I also read that solitude can be addictive. But this fucking sick world doesn't help to meet new people...

Also a "Morning sufferer" here.
It's more a thing of "Ah. I woke up. Fuck" kind of thing for me.

Every night I go to bed with that tiny sliver of hope that I might get some random brain shutdown xD

 

[Macedonian1987]

Sad bro, what makes you keep going in life?

I don't want to hurt my cold, unloving and uncomforting parents, it's what kept me going all these years. I would have almost ended it way back in 2013, but I stayed because of them. My mother is such cold person, she even refuses me to hug her when I'm in a huge pain flareup, saying to me that I'm to old to be hugging my mother. She is very cruel and cold.

 

[purebliss]

I don't want to hurt my cold, unloving and uncomforting parents, it's what kept me going all these years. I would have almost ended it way back in 2013, but I stayed because of them. My mother is such cold person, she even refuses me to hug her when I'm in a huge pain flareup, saying to me that I'm to old to be hugging my mother. She is very cruel and cold.

Please always keep in mind that you do not owe your parents anything.
They owe you everything for forcing you into this hellscape.

That is always very much important to keep in mind

 

[unluckysadness]

Chronic pain is having your own body as a cage. Your own body is turning against you to make you feel like a prisoner inside it. I have so many things that I want to do, and i cant do them because of this pain. I want to hike, enjoy nature, climb hills like i did up until when i was 23 years old.

My soul is caged inside a body that is broken down and not able to perform properly (both mentally and physically)

Could you be eligible for euthanasia in Belgium or Switzerland ? I guess it's not possible in Macedonia. I'm thinking about starting discussions with Athanasios (I think I'm eligible).

 

[Bitterly_Nostalgic]

For me it's most often in the evening. Probably because after my mind has been bombarded with negative thoughts and feelings throughout the day, I've run out of mental energy to try to push them aside by the time evening comes around. My family is also generally not available for me to talk to at that point so I'm also left completely alone to handle how I'm feeling.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Please always keep in mind that you do not owe your parents anything.
They owe you everything for forcing you into this hellscape.

That is always very much important to keep in mind

You are right I don't owe them anything. Once i told them how suicidal I am, and they didn't replied with something like "we are sorry son that you are hurting so much" . No, they replied with a very selfish response: Are you really gonna do that to us, our (family) enemies will be very satisfied if you do that. You will make them win.
Every time I tell them that I'm depressed they say - It's your own fault, you are the cause for your own depression. What a bad thing for a parent to say to his own biological child.

 

[endboss]

I wake from my catastrophic tinnitus every morning/night. It's like waking up in a dentist chair every day having drilling done. I could go right from waking up to murdering myself.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Could you be eligible for euthanasia in Belgium or Switzerland ? I guess it's not possible in Macedonia. I'm thinking about starting discussions with Athanasios (I think I'm eligible).

Sadly I'm not eligible for euthanasia, and even if I were, my parents would sabotage my decision to go there. Luckily I acquired SN and it's sitting safely, waiting for the time when I finally snap and end it once and for all.

I forgot to tell you, I also suffer from asperger's . I never had a true friend, nor a real girlfriend. My life has been one sad 39 years existance.

 

[losergirl]

it hits me in the afternoon the most

 

[unluckysadness]

Sadly I'm not eligible for euthanasia, and even if I were, my parents would sabotage my decision to go there. Luckily I acquired SN and it's sitting safely, waiting for the time when I finally snap and end it once and for all.

I forgot to tell you, I also suffer from asperger's . I never had a true friend, nor a real girlfriend. My life has been one sad 39 years existance.

Okay so "fortunately" you have SN (I also have it). I have Aspergers too (the official test said I haven't but I'm sure the test was wrong - at least I'm neurodivergent with hypersensitivity and my psychiatrist agrees). I'm 43 and same as you - decades of stress and pain with no girlfriend or friends. I tried to talk about euthanasia once with my parents but they didn't like the idea at all (I understand them) but we are middle aged adults and we should be able to do what we want...

 

[Nolongerlive]

In the morning, whole morning. The moment i wake up in the early morning like 3 am, then trying to get some more sleep.

My brain will start to churn out all the suicidal ideas and crunching on the various reasons why i am such a loser, fear about doing certain things, anxious about what is going to happen soon etc.

 

[unluckysadness]

it hits me in the afternoon the most

Do you also have a sort of anxiety / emptiness ? It's worse in spring and summer for me because other people do normal things and I'm trapped here with my debilitating condition.

 

[losergirl]

Do you also have a sort of anxiety / emptiness ? It's worse in spring and summer for me because other people do normal things and I'm trapped here with my debilitating condition.

i do have deliberating anxiety. i feel the most empty during winter or fall but mostly in winter is when i feel the most empty or depressed.

 

[Alexandra_]

I dream about death 24/7, even in my sleep. It's true.
I recently dreamed that I hanged myself on my balcony, looking down at myself from the outside. My face was calm, and the other me understood that my suffering had ended.
And just a few days ago, I dreamed that I ripped out my own heart and cut it in half, and I couldn't understand why I wasn't dying yet. I knew I wouldn't live long without a heart, so I simply lay down and waited for death, holding the two halves of my heart in my palm

 

[eladeselasol99]

3am always been shit to me

 

[bloodybushman]

Sometimes I wake up with slight hope in the morning, but after a day of both physical and emotional pain I'm back to the constant numbness and suicidal ideation by night.