worries regarding my attempt

[605days]

Hi, so it's my first time posting here and i hope i'm not doing anything wrong, but basically i've been suicidal for a few years now and i think that my time is approaching. I've chosen partial hanging to be my method and i finally have the rope and a place where i can do it. But before I actually do it i wanted to do 'a trial' or at least make myself faint by pressing on the carotid artery. I've tried that but it didn't work, and i know this next part is gonna make me seem dumb but i can't find the carotid artery. No matter how many cpr and anatomy videos i watched i just couldn't feel that "strong pulsation" so this has been worrying me and it makes me think that i'm not going to succeed or that i'm not gonna faint quickly and it's gonna be a painful death.
Thoughts/advice?

 

[WornOutLife]

I wish I could help you but I tried to ctb with partial 3 times and only felt my head was about to explode and pain in my neck.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[Smart No More]

It is not a nice way to die! It may be preferable to other ways of dying but it's not a nice experience. The bit as you pass out, your body tingles and feels odd and then you sort of feel peaceful for a brief moment as you know it's working but then really quickly a sense of uncontrolable dread comes in and your natural survival instinct takes over. It's like having a nightmare in some ways. I was more aware of what was happening than I expected but only in hindsight after somehow getting myself out. Your body starts fighting and thrashing in a weird sort of rythmical wave. Imagine a fish flapping around. Partial is a hard way to do it too because your body will naturally make you try to stand back up and get out the 'noose'. I tried it myself and I too struggled a little to find the sweet spot but I eventually did. It seemed to be a case of putting the 'rope' in the right position but it's not comfortable at all and it's left me with a weird discomfort in my throat weeks later which leads me to believe I did some damage. It has improved but it feels as though it may always be slighlty damaged now. I don't know. It was cause by me desperately trying to swallow I think, as my body was struggling with what was happening. I was passed out essentially and I came too as I was walking out of my bathroom after subconsciously fighting my way out of the slipnot in the wire I used. I litterally couldn't see anything but black and I have no idea how I was standing. I was gone for a few moments there. My body pulled me out of it, not me. I tried a few times and that was as far as I got. I couldn't do it using the partial method. I honestly don't know how people do it because I was determined that day and just couldn't do it. To be honest I'm glad in some ways because I didn't want to inflict that on the person finding me etc. I wanted to go as peacefully as possible but I wanted to go that day at the time so I went down that path. It was very very unomfortable and not the way I want to go. I learned something I suppose. It scared me imensly though because I suddenly fealt like I had no control over it any longer and might have to continue living in ill health indefinitely. I couldn't fully hang myself now. It's just too ugly, very uncomfortable and very violent. I considered other fast ways to do it. I couldn't think of anything accessable to me that wouldn't be painful and horrible though. I still haven't sourced my peaceful method but I do know hanging is not it at all.

If you look at pics of people who hanged you get an idea of what they went through. Sure they may not have been aware of all of it but you're aware for long enough for it to be painful and horrible. Their tongues are all swollen and hanging out and are often bitten into or through. They have bulging eyes and the blood pools in their extemities etc which appears black. They do not look at peace!