Why?

[SN?0RN0t]

Why do you want ctb?

 

[Commandocoki]

When I think about the future, the only word that comes to mind is bleak. I can't make it in this world, I also don't like the direction this world is heading on all accords. I don't understand how to cope with humiliation, failure, betrayal, pain, illness and stress. Everything is overstimulating, and unnecessarily complicated. I am exhausted. Tired of making mistakes and tired of looking stupid. Tired of living in fear. I don't want to be here anymore for any of it. Just done.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Um, why do you want to ctb?

 

[GravityUtilizer]

Why not?

 

[goodbyearies]

Because one time I looked at something for too long and my whole life slipped away.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i've been hurt, and i'e hurt other people. i don't want to be apart of a world where people hurt each other just because, and i especially don't want to be apart of a world where people inflict pain because it fills their pockets.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

My body is ruined and I feel hopeless.

 

[RedDEE]

I dunno I just fucking feel like it.

 

[Accusedundead]

Same as timetobitethedust. My body is really messed up. benzos screwed me up good and I'm in physical torment.

 

[RedDEE]

benzos screwed me up good and I'm in physical torment.

You poor bastard. Benzos really fucked me up, too. Don't worry, though, benzo withdrawal only lasts.. a year or two (no shit)...

 

[Forgotten]

I don't really get any enjoyment out of life anymore. I just feel stressed all the time, I don't even enjoy things that I used to love back in the days. It's just a miserable existence now and age is catching up to me so it's only downhill from here.

 

[BehindTheWall]

I just don't like my life and more important, I don't like me.

 

[greekyfish10]

i honestly don't really feel like i have any valid reasons. but i just feel really nervous all the time and i get panicky everyday and it's hard and i get no sleep at night and i'm still expected to get up and live life the next day which is super difficult. and i get these bad hallucinations everyday. i'm just confused. i figure easy way out of this shit show is to ctb. that's all.

 

[timeisnigh]

I've

seen things you people wouldn't believe

 

[Accusedundead]

You poor bastard. Benzos really fucked me up, too. Don't worry, though, benzo withdrawal only lasts.. a year or two (no shit)...

Yeah 2 years, Lol, I'm going on 3 and I'm worse.

I've

seen things you people wouldn't believe

I wanna hear what you've seen

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Why do you want ctb?

Because if I don't, then society is going to kill me with its difference of opinion.

That and I'm lonely and hate myself etc etc.

 

[RedDEE]

Yeah 2 years, Lol, I'm going on 3 and I'm worse.

Trust me, I understand. Benzos are my true love. I used to order grams of Phenazepam, and Etizolam off the dark web. I've had my fair share. I always end up quitting my job and eating a pound of doritos or some other crazy shit when I go on a binge... but benzos make me feel the greatest I've ever felt.

I think Benzos are a taste of death, without dying. I imagine death to feel exactly like being on a very high dose of benzos, but it never ends.

 

[timeisnigh]

Trust me, I understand. Benzos are my true love. I used to order grams of Phenazepam, and Etizolam off the dark web. I've had my fair share. I always end up quitting my job and eating a pound of doritos or some other crazy shit when I go on a binge... but benzos make me feel the greatest I've ever felt.

I think Benzos are a taste of death, without dying. I imagine death to feel exactly like being on a very high dose of benzos, but it never ends.

Fuck injectables: drunk as hell on 2M2B, everclear, and crappy high proof alcopop as a mixer to wash down a lot of your preferred benzos. Best way, if you can pull it off

 

[RedDEE]

Fuck injectables: drunk as hell on 2M2B, everclear, and crappy high proof alcopop as a mixer to wash down a lot of your preferred benzos. Best way, I'd you can pull it off

I have no idea what you just said, but hey, Mazel tov to you, too!

 

[SN?0RN0t]

I've

seen things you people wouldn't believe

Try me ive probably seen it cant judge a book by its cover

 

[Good4Nothing]

Because one time I looked at something for too long and my whole life slipped away.

Did you stare at the sun and go blind?

 

[Squiddy]

Reasons why are because of my short term memory issues, my inability to articulate myself verbally sometimes, difficulty understanding people sometimes and mental illnesses

 

[BPD Barbie]

I have no idea what you just said, but hey, Mazel tov to you, too!

I wish there was a lmao button lol.

To answer the OPs question. Childhood sexual abuse, mental health conditions, debt, no job, abusive relationship. The list can go on and it's probably easier to tell you why I don't want to ctb because the list is far shorter.

 

[timeisnigh]

... easier to tell you why I don't want to ctb because the list is far shorter.

This.

BeCause we all age, get painful mortal diseases, and die anyway ... time passes by much faster that you realize...

 

[Superdeterminist]

Because it is possible to suffer.

 

[thx1138]

I've never told my ""story"" on here because it's embarrassing and also I know no one cares, but I'm in a ranting mood and I'll hopefully ctb soon anyway, so here goes:
- because I was born in shitty circumstances (economic crisis, poor family, poor country) and my parents didn't want me but decided to keep the "accident" because abortion is frowned upon
- because I got molested when I was 6
- because I got raped when I was 15 and I didn't tell anyone because I still feel like it's all my fault
- because my dad beat my mom and cheated on her and I had to witness when he smashed her face and she was covered in blood
- because my parents always ignored me, fighting each other in front of me like I don't exist
- because my mom said I should kill myself after she got tired of me being depressed all the time
- because I was "the weird kid" and got bullied
- because I never had more than 1-2 friends and no one wants to be around me and I don't want them anymore either
- because the only person I ever truly loved, essentially manipulated me and then when I was no longer usable just cast me aside
- because I can't stop my mind from obsessing and hurting all the time
- because I hate my job and I don't want to exist only to be a wage slave
- because I'm not good enough, beautiful enough, white enough, to be taken seriously by anyone
- because modern society is insane and humanity is not as great as people say it is
- because I don't care about money or success or anything else. I have no more goals and no hope
- because I can't remember the last time I was happy

 

[timeisnigh]

I wanna hear what you've seen

Spoiler: not a rutger hauer fan, eh?

 

[SN?0RN0t]

I've never told my ""story"" on here because it's embarrassing and also I know no one cares, but I'm in a ranting mood and I'll hopefully ctb soon anyway, so here goes:
- because I was born in shitty circumstances (economic crisis, poor family, poor country) and my parents didn't want me but decided to keep the "accident" because abortion is frowned upon
- because I got molested when I was 6
- because I got raped when I was 15 and I didn't tell anyone because I still feel like it's all my fault
- because my dad beat my mom and cheated on her and I had to witness when he smashed her face and she was covered in blood
- because my parents always ignored me, fighting each other in front of me like I don't exist
- because my mom said I should kill myself after she got tired of me being depressed all the time
- because I was "the weird kid" and got bullied
- because I never had more than 1-2 friends and no one wants to be around me and I don't want them anymore either
- because the only person I ever truly loved, essentially manipulated me and then when I was no longer usable just cast me aside
- because I can't stop my mind from obsessing and hurting all the time
- because I hate my job and I don't want to exist only to be a wage slave
- because I'm not good enough, beautiful enough, white enough, to be taken seriously by anyone
- because modern society is insane and humanity is not as great as people say it is
- because I don't care about money or success or anything else. I have no more goals and no hope
- because I can't remember the last time I was happy

I feel you're pain we been through many of the same things if i could figure out how send a message to you i would like to talk more cause we been through very similar stuff and i was never able to talk about it with anyone

 

[muffin222]

I have PTSD from childhood trauma. PTSD isn't curable- it's only treatable. Sometimes I wake up and I can't believe that this is my life and that I'm scarred in this irreparable way

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Because I hate myself, most other people hate me, my life has no value and I don't feel welcome in this world.