Help Does my indecision means im not ready to die yet?

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I really want to die but i can't actually make myself do it. Don't know what to think anymore. Why am i having doubts? As long as i can remember, i only wanted one thing- death. Why does my mind change when it's already too late? Now death is my destiny, but im a coward. A lazy procrastinator. Why can't i just do it? Is it not my time yet? Or is it like "you'll never feel ready, so just do it"? I really wish somebody could give me an answer because i can't do this anymore. Everything is so heavy.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

I really want to die but i can't actually make myself do it. Don't know what to think anymore. Why am i having doubts? As long as i can remember, i only wanted one thing- death. Why does my mind change when it's already too late? Now death is my destiny, but im a coward. A lazy procrastinator. Why can't i just do it? Is it not my time yet? Or is it like "you'll never feel ready, so just do it"? I really wish somebody could give me an answer because i can't do this anymore. Everything is so heavy.

I believe this is absolutely subjective. Each of us will act on it for reasons and feelings known only to ourselves. Living is a solitary experience, just as dying is. No one else can answer for you.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I really want to die but i can't actually make myself do it. Don't know what to think anymore. Why am i having doubts? As long as i can remember, i only wanted one thing- death. Why does my mind change when it's already too late? Now death is my destiny, but im a coward. A lazy procrastinator. Why can't i just do it? Is it not my time yet? Or is it like "you'll never feel ready, so just do it"? I really wish somebody could give me an answer because i can't do this anymore. Everything is so heavy.

Being someone who has some experience studying and experimenting with the mind, I can tell you the answer.
While one part of you wants to die, but there's another part of you, that wants you to live and that's causing you to procrastinate. Deep down, you really don't wanna die, it's just on the surface level.

 

[LotteEldana]

I think the part of you thats doubting could be your survival instinct. Its a tough thing to overcome.

 

[sobasoup]

Do you feel like your situation can ever improve, no matter how likely? Just think about where your life will likely lead you, then if a satisfactory life is possible and how possible. then weigh the probabilities. CTB should be a calculated and certain decision, never to be based off emotion alone.

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

Do you feel like your situation can ever improve, no matter how likely? Just think about where your life will likely lead you, then if a satisfactory life is possible and how possible. then weigh the probabilities. CTB should be a calculated and certain decision, never to be based off emotion alone.

Thank you for your advice!

 

[whorror]

We are in the same boat. No matter what happened to me and how hard it got, I couldn't bring myself to CTB. Maybe I do am a coward. Who knows? The thing is that people barely know for themselves sometimes, nobody can't answer this question for you. Maybe a part of you still hope everything will change for the better. Maybe you are not aware of that part. Maybe it's survival instinct, maybe both. Who knows.

The sure thing is that it is alright to not be ready, it isn't something to be ashamed of.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Do you feel like your situation can ever improve, no matter how likely? Just think about where your life will likely lead you, then if a satisfactory life is possible and how possible. then weigh the probabilities. CTB should be a calculated and certain decision, never to be based off emotion alone.

Very well said

We are in the same boat. No matter what happened to me and how hard it got, I couldn't bring myself to CTB. Maybe I do am a coward. Who knows? The thing is that people barely know for themselves sometimes, nobody can't answer this question for you. Maybe a part of you still hope everything will change for the better. Maybe you are not aware of that part. Maybe it's survival instinct, maybe both. Who knows.

The sure thing is that it is alright to not be ready, it isn't something to be ashamed of.

Very true. It's alright to not be ready..

I have been ready to CTB and I don't have a full proof method so I'm in a much worse situation that I am ready and I have even attempted methods only to survive in the end and now I'm stuck with no available method