What do you think of "suicidal gestures"?

[motel rooms]

What do you think of "suicidal gestures"? Do you think it's ever a good idea to, say, OD on harmless benzos or sleeping pills to make the people in your life who have been ignoring/invalidating your suffering understand that you can't take it anymore? I don't think it's manipulative to do something like that. I do think it's usually useless though.

 

[eryu]

I doubt it would be very effective for family and friends who had never paid serious attention before then. And I wonder if the attention they paid after would be the sort that was needed and helpful.
But I guess there are all sorts of people and relationship dynamics. Maybe it wouldn't be completely fruitless for some people and it would be the ticket to get an oblivious but otherwise caring family to start treating their problems more seriously.
At the very least, I guess it could tell the fake-attempter something about the people in their life.

Maybe it is necessary for some people who weren't able to begin trying to talk about it in less extreme ways.
Like they need that jolt for themselves to even start the discussion.
Lying about something so serious make me anxious though. Not just that I wish it weren't necessary or that you might be found out but the old idea of things built on lies crumbling and worsening everything.

 

[motel rooms]

an oblivious but otherwise caring family to start treating their problems more seriously.

I always throw up in my mouth a little when supposedly caring parents claim they were oblivious to the fact that their child was suffering.

Lying about something so serious make me anxious though. Not just that I wish it weren't necessary or that you might be found out but the old idea of things built on lies crumbling and worsening everything.

I don't think it's a form of lying if the person's really in pain...

 

[Pluto]

I guess it depends on the people you are trying to communicate to via the gestures. Some people will even interpret a full-on suicide attempt as just attention-seeking. They aren't going to be of any use - perhaps such people aren't worth focusing on at all.

A different person might sit up and pay attention if they see the seriousness of the situation via a gesture. So it depends.

 

[motel rooms]

A different person might sit up and pay attention if they see the seriousness of the situation via a gesture.

Yeah, but that type of person will probably notice that something's wrong with the sufferer before their problems escalate...

 

[motyxia]

Agree it's probably pointless, if someone gets to the point they do that then I doubt the people in their life didn't notice how bad they're feeling, they probably dont care. Maybe I'm wrong. I think people tend to think others care more than they actually do especially family members, see "But they're your family, they have to love you it's biologically impossible for them to not" crap all the time. & I think the "you can suffer without showing signs" thing is wrong.

I never tried ODing on unreliable pills for that reason. (I have before because I was already on a lot of them before so was impulsive & extra dumb.) I think you mean harmless as in they're unreliable to CTB but just in case benzos aren't harmless in other ways, they're not like weed. I did start using drugs in the first place to try getting my mother to care though, so similar. She didn't care, she told me she doesn't. That's big reason why I think people tend to think others care more than they do. I realized that she won't care but ended up still doing drugs because it became the only thing getting me through the day. Lack of love is the gateway drug. (Don't take them now btw, 1year 1month)

I feel bad for people who have to depend on others that feel they have to try this. Just to realize they'll never care & you can't get help on your own. Idk if it'd be better to live continuing to have hope they'll care eventually or live knowing they'll never care. Hurts a lot either way.

 

[Sarros]

I think I'd do myself more harm than good. I already have it in my head that people don't care about me as much as I think they do, or at least its something I have to keep reminding myself of. But I think having it plainly laid out in front of me would make further depress me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think there is no point in doing this. I think if someone did not care before it is likely they will still not care after the person has done the overdose. On the other hand if they do begin to understand how much the person is suffering, then they might get in the way of the persons actual ctb plans. I think others having knowledge of the fact that somebody is suicidal will make it harder to actually ctb.

 

[deflationary]

I think it inadvertently fucks up the reputation of suicidal people in general. That's why you get statistics like "90% of people who survive an attempt never go on to kill themselves" and whatever. So everyone just assumes suicidality is always something transient and irrational.

That's not really the fault of the people that feel the need to seek attention in such a way though. They're just desperate and don't know what else to do. But it's an unfortunate side effect anyway.

 

[Zinz]

I can't speak for others but I can't imagine wanting to bring attention to my mental condition and have people suddenly act like it matters when it hasn't before. I feel people only suddenly care because there's more eyes on the situation and they don't want to look bad. And you would also likely just be sent to the psych ward.

 

[ReallyTired]

I think it's utterly pointless. I think it's a good way to alienate people. In my experience most people (including friends) don't want to be around you when you are depressed and suicidal. What 'normal' person wants to listen to someone talk about being suicidal with certainty ?Or talking about the failed attempts with regret? Even if they care (actually, not many people do), they want to live their fantasy, they want to completely ignore it. Not have it in their face, or life. They can't actually deal with it, the suicidal thoughts, the suicidal gestures and whatnot. Sadly, not just 'friends', often they are mental health care professionals. Most of the people I know think that seeing a therapist and getting on with your meds will magically makes everything better and you will be 'fixed'. If that doesn't happen and you are still depressed and suicidal, and keep communicating that openly than you are just an attention seeker. Lesson learnt. Keep your big mouth shut.

 

[noname223]

I would never do that. But I do not judge people who do that. I do not want those kind of suicide attempts. Instead I speak very explicitly about my wish to die. My plans I have, how strong my desire is. People have heard that from me for hours.
Every individual is different. Moreover for me personally tihs is too dangerous for me. There is always a slight chance you get permanent damage for so many pill ODs. For example I have once read you can get benzo addicted if you OD with benzos. I read it 1 years ago or so. So I am not 100% sure.

 

[Sittichmutter]

I hope my 15 year son had tried "to call for attention" instead of CTBing with SN in his first attempt last year.
He was in treatment with meds. Doing therapy and sports against his will because the Psychiastrit said It was good for him. He just avoided me. I thought It was an adolescent need to cut the umbilical Cord. Só I gave him some space. I knew he had depression (bad genes from me) and I was worried. But he just avoided talking. I did not know what to think or to do. I tried many times to speak with him and even asked him If he was thinking about suicide. He denied. If he had made something to call for attention, maybe he would be alive today. I don't know. But then I would have changed Psychiastrit, therapy, everything and start It over!
And I would have kicked my American asshole Boss for bullying me at the time my son needed me the most. I was unhappy with my life then. What a terrible example. And now I carry this pain and guilt with me.

 

[OrcWitch]

Depends on the people in your life I guess. I think the pain is real and people shouldn't be dismissed as attention whores or something. They're suffering and it could be a way to get help.

We are always told "WARNING: IF YOU TAKE 4 IBUPROFEN AND DRINK A BEER YOU MIGHT FACE EXTREME DEADLY CONSEQUENCES" our entire lives but then it turns out once you're suicidal that everything is pretty much harmless, a lot of benzo overdose people might believe it will actually kill them.

 

[Brayu]

Espero que meu filho de 15 anos tenha tentado "chamar a atenção" em vez de fazer CTB com SN em sua primeira tentativa no ano passado.
Ele estava em tratamento com remédios. Fazendo terapia e esportes contra sua vontade, porque o Psiquiatra disse que era bom para ele. Ele apenas me evitou. Achei que fosse uma necessidade adolescente de cortar o cordão umbilical. Só eu dei um pouco de espaço para ele. Eu sabia que ele tinha depressão (meus genes ruins) e fiquei preocupada. Mas ele apenas evitou falar. Eu não sabia o que pensar ou fazer. Tentei muitas vezes falar com ele e até perguntei se ele estava pensando em suicídio. Ele negou. Se ele tivesse feito algo para chamar atenção, talvez estivesse vivo hoje. Eu não sei. Mas então eu teria mudado o Psychiastrit, a terapia, tudo e começar tudo de novo!
And I would have kicked my American asshole Boss for bullying me at the time my son needed me the most. I was unhappy with my life then. What a terrible example. And now I carry this pain and guilt with me.

Eu sinto muito... Muito mesmo
I don't know what to say... When I use inefficient methods, they are not to die, not even to draw attention (not that I just talk to you, I don't go to the hospital... I stay at home with something similar to a "virus" or allergy)

It's not for the people close to know... it's to destroy me little by little

 

[Sittichmutter]

Eu sinto muito... Muito mesmo
I don't know what to say... When I use inefficient methods, they are not to die, not even to draw attention (not that I just talk to you, I don't go to the hospital... I stay at home with something similar to a "virus" or allergy)

It's not for the people close to know... it's to destroy me little by little

Well, I think people should know and understand what you are going through.
You are killing yourself slowly and painfully.
Please, look for help!

 

[Hercules]

I don't think suicidal gestures are a good idea. They are often misunderstood and cause more harm than good. I understand what you are saying. Your family is supposed to care about you. They are supposed to be there for you and help you especially In an emergency. In an ideal world, everyone's family would do this. But unfortunately, everyone isn't that lucky to have a good family like that. Some people have families Who don't care about them and won't lift a finger to help them .

I have a very abusive and toxic famiily. i have learned the hard way, unfourtunately, that they don't care about me at all. They wouldnt care if I dropped dead right in front of them. That reality is hard to accept. But the truth is, people either care about you or they don't. If someone doesn't care about you, there really isn't anything you can do to make them care.
Suicidal gestures are often misunderstood. People may accuse someone who had a failed attempt as only doing it to seek attention. I think this is wrong. I would say that someone who does a suicidal gestures is not seeking attention, but rather is a person who is desperately asking for help the only way they know how. They are suffering and want help, but they are unable to get the help they need, so they think if they go to this extreme, that people will finally take them seriously. People will know how much they are suffering and that they can't take it anymore. They think people will suddenly start paying more attention to them, will suddenly start caring about them and try to help them. Well maybe in some cases this night be true. To be fair, sometimes even good people can become self absorbed when dealing with their own problems. However, I find it hard to believe in most cases that a person's family would not have noticed that there was seriously something wrong by the time this point was reached. They would have to be blind not to have noticed the changes in the person's behaviour long before this point is reached. The truth is that they don't care about the person or they would have helped them. Suicidal guesstures are pointless. If a person's family didn't care about them before, they are not going to care about them anymore after an attempt, because the truth is they just don't care. A suicidal attempt may end up isolating a person from their family even more because someone who has never been suicidal does not understand what this is like or the suffering that we go through.

Also, someone should consider the possible consequences before attempting a suicidal gesture. Probably most people who attempt a suicidal gesture are not going to get the help they need this way. They would just be locked up in a psych ward and be given a label which could come back to haunt them for the rest of their life. This will show up on background checks. There are a lot of jobs that you can be denied if they find out that you made a suicide attempt and were committed to the psych ward.

 

[miserableforever]

What do you think of "suicidal gestures"? Do you think it's ever a good idea to, say, OD on harmless benzos or sleeping pills to make the people in your life who have been ignoring/invalidating your suffering understand that you can't take it anymore? I don't think it's manipulative to do something like that. I do think it's usually useless though.

It is useless, in my opinion. Whenever I reached out in the past, I was met with nothing but comments ridiculing my state of mind at that time 'get over yourself, you're too attractive/too young/too smart/too funny/too healthy/too____ whatever, to be feeling like this'

It fuels the fire in arguments and exposes weakness to the wrong crowd. Unfortunately, that usually is family or relationships.
So, no, I learned to become secretive and hide from others.

 

[Zzzzz]

If others are already invalidating the suicidal persons feelings, then they will probably write off the gesture as attention seeking. It is very sad that some people's families are so self centered that the suicidal person feels the need to do a suicidal gesture.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

Eu sinto muito... Muito mesmo
I don't know what to say... When I use inefficient methods, they are not to die, not even to draw attention (not that I just talk to you, I don't go to the hospital... I stay at home with something similar to a "virus" or allergy)

It's not for the people close to know... it's to destroy me little by little

I do that from time to time. Using the pain of OD to cope...

 

[cambrai33]

No never for me

My intention to ctb is personal only to me, I don't want to attract attention to my ultimate free choice.

I am getting therapy but am mindful not to disclose the full extent of things. Since deciding I have been calmer than ever before and instead of focusing on my failings I have a positivity about preparing for the eventual outcome that I have decided upon.

My own take is that a gesture is a plea for understanding and help and if you are in this place then there is definite reasons to be hopeful of a positive outcome down the line

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

I have very mixed feelings because I've had multiple family members do this exact thing JUST to be manipulative. Not as a cry for help. I've also been close with someone who would threaten attempts to manipulate me personally.

It leaves a very bad taste in my mouth and honestly makes me feel disgusted to think about. I really feel for those who do attempt as a cry for help. But my experiences…mmm. It's difficult to set them aside sometimes and look at such behavior as an actual cry for help.

People can attack me for this but it's just the way I see it atm. Of course I try to first assume that the person is in unbearable pain but…it can be challenging. I also feel pretty bad because in my opinion such acts are a waste and will only ever make things far worse for the individual. It doesn't seem worth it to me.

 

[Seiba]

Don't think it's a good idea. Even if they "care" when you attempt it's likely not going to be able to be sustained because what it took for them to take you seriously to begin with. I had failed attempt years ago, not a gesture and I was berated, got a threat of the psych ward, and was told I had no reason to be suicidal. People that don't care about you won't randomly decide to when you fail an attempt, they'll just be cruel and justify it to themselves.

 

[Shadowplay]

What do you think of "suicidal gestures"? Do you think it's ever a good idea to, say, OD on harmless benzos or sleeping pills to make the people in your life who have been ignoring/invalidating your suffering understand that you can't take it anymore? I don't think it's manipulative to do something like that. I do think it's usually useless though.

Why don't you think it is is manipulative?

My friend's wife does this every 4 months or so; suicidal gesture by ODing. It's really sad. :-(

It is curious because to me it is really manipulative; I will force you, against your will perhaps, to do something you wouldn't otherwise do. That said, I do believe there is real suicidal intent there, or at least there can be, so I don't feel it is only a manipulation.

But I'm not going for manipulation my dudes; I'm going for oblivion.

 

[Eric Draven]

I actually did this a few years ago but for slightly different reasons.
At the time I didn't feel like my GP was taking my depression seriously (to be fair he probably was but I just couldn't see it at the time).
As a result of my attempted OD I was allocated a therapist and a support worker who helped me sort out the financial mess I'd got myself into.
It helped at the time but my "recovery" didn't last long.
I'm kind of back in a similar position with my new GP and a new therapist.
We will see how things progress but I know it won't take much to push me over the edge.

 

[xLosthopex]

I find it ironic how people will claim that 'threatening' to ctb ie telling someone close to you that you want/plan to ctb is 'manipulative' or 'abusive'(I know I've been accused of this anyway) or just 'attention seeking', yet then when someone actually does ctb everyone suddenly cares and thinks it's a heartbreaking tragedy etc etc.

 

[apathetic.]

Not a good idea at all. They didn't care in the first place and when they'll know you're suicidal they'll watch over you 24/7 so you don't get any chance to ctb and continue to suffer. They just don't wanna feel bad when the person dies, not that they actually care. It's all about them.

 

[motel rooms]

My friend's wife does this every 4 months or so; suicidal gesture by ODing. It's really sad. :-(
It is curious because to me it is really manipulative; I will force you, against your will perhaps, to do something you wouldn't otherwise do.

What does she want to manipulate him into doing?

 

[Konjac]

It's a cry for help in most cases; especially under the NHS. A lot of the time they won't offer any help at all unless you actually try to CTB, sometimes deep down you want to give life another shot but you physically don't have the tools available to drag yourself out.

 

[drune11]

What do you think of "suicidal gestures"? Do you think it's ever a good idea to, say, OD on harmless benzos or sleeping pills to make the people in your life who have been ignoring/invalidating your suffering understand that you can't take it anymore? I don't think it's manipulative to do something like that. I do think it's usually useless though.

I agree it's probably useless in terms of anything significant coming from it - but it is hard for most people to understand the grief of everyday life with just words. I'm not endorsing gestures, but I could see why people would see them as an option