There is no hope for me

[bl33ding_heart]

I've tried and tried. But no matter what I do I will always be a slave to my disorder. This disorder will always take control before my conscious mind is able to. It's inescapable. I've suffered tremendously these past few years. I've sobbed my eyes out begging god to have even the slightest ounce of mercy on me on my bathroom floor a countless amount of times. But everything I do always ends up being futile. I'm honestly just exhausted. I want this nightmare to finally end. I don't even care anymore about what happens in my life as long as this nauseating pain can go away. I feel like my death is just eventually inevitable and the more time passes the sooner it gets. So I really don't know why I'm still even here or why I'm still even trying. It's just the borderline tendency to cling on to things really hard I guess. I really wish I could just be killed by someone. I would seriously give up all of my money to have someone end me, whether it's painful or not. At least the aftermath for me wouldn't have me left in agonising pain.

 

[ToothFairy]

Hello!!

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Hello!!

Heyy :)

 

[popbob]

May i ask what disorder?


Wishing you the best and i understand that feeling very well <3

 

[bl33ding_heart]

May i ask what disorder?


Wishing you the best and i understand that feeling very well <3

Borderline personality disorder

 

[imnotcreative]

i always feel for people with bpd :( sorry

 

[Demian]

I know a little bit about what that's like. I have bipolar disorder, ADHD, and Level 1 autism. I've tried CTB three times, and the last time I was in a coma for 22 days after ingesting 15 times the fatal dose of morphine and twice the lethal dose of phenobarbital. I'm thinking about trying again.

 

[suncide10]

Same, I'm so exhausted of living this in this nightmare but still have a tiny piece of hope it will get better even though I don't even do anything about it at the moment. That's why I'm still alive

 

[matsuzaka]

same here, bpd is a curse like no other i swear it feels like fate itself does not want us to survive

no matter what i do to get better it feels like my bpd always overpowers anything else its so cruelly debilitating

it really sucks since you seem like such a sweet and beautiful person bl33ding_heart, at least in the few posts ive read from you ^u^ i suppose people with bpd always are the kindest people you will ever meet as cruel as that is