The current state of my mind and life... (Update)

[Sleeper System]

I haven't been online in awhile because at some point I stopped acknowledging my depression and fell back into my day to day life routines. That consists of waking up, maintenance-ing myself, going to work, bullshitting, eating, coming home, watching TV shows and movies, falling asleep and repeat. What a depressing and anti-social life I lead.

Still, it could be worse. I know it can. So I'm trying to distract myself as best I can for as long as possible because the dark cloud find its way to me one way or another. I'm dealing with my issues on will power alone as I have no support because I don't speak to anyone and no drugs because I simply can't be diagnosed with these issues at this point in my life.

Still, life in general is so bleak. Talking about the rising cost of living is beating a dead horse at this point so I'll skip that. Health issues are on the horizon as I continue my current life style with no strong desire to change.
Family is getting by but at some point I'll have to face the mortality of those I care about and that alone feels like enough to want to ctb. My financial situation is the same. Making low pay but the work is doable and not too hard and it's enough to barely survive on my own. Meh. Could be worse.

I should really get that as a tattoo. But yeah... I wish everyone here just peace and acceptance because life is so hard and we are all tiny l specks in the grand scheme and if nothing else we should have each other's back.

 

[Zzzzz]

There's so many terrible things about life. Death of loved ones. Innumerable ways of suffering. Health issues. Money issues. Human conflict. Unfortunately most of the time people really don't care about each other or have each other's back. Most people are selfish. Their only real concern is themselves. They'll only help someone else if there's something in it for them.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so depressing and I guess all that someone can do if they choose to stay alive, is to find ways to make life more bearable. All that life is, is just distracting ourselves and passing time until we die, and to me it feels so pointless. This life is so cruel and unfair, and I think that it is terrifying that things could get so much worse. I wish you peace as well.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Meh. Could be worse.

That would be a great tattoo, in my opinion, if getting them is something you're into. Knowing that things could be worse isn't exactly a comforting thought, even though pro-life people sometimes use it to convince people like us that we should keep living, even when we've decided that we've had enough.

It really doesn't take much for "could be" to turn into "will be" or "is getting" worse. It can happen without warning and that terrifies me.