Venting Suicide of dispassion

[fox_wannabe]

Anyone here is dispassionate? Not believing anything is worth a struggle or waiting?
Because I think I have never been so apathic towards life. I really do only sit at home and play video games. I can get and go into the woods and look for god knows what.
The life lacks substance to me, my brain is not working properly and cannot produce the happy chemicals. Every second of happiness is paid with 2 seconds of misery or mediocrity.
Mediocrity, that is my life. Nothing special, If you are special you have to compete with every other special human. I just cannot bear more of this existence. Taking care of myself sucks. Sleeping sucks. Not having a job sucks, but only worse is having a job and having to interact with people.

Not everyone is made for being alive. I think I had enough.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

You summed up my feelings well. Life does not have any inherent meaning or substance. It just is. When you are happy you don't care about it much. But when you are not, you start to question your motives, life etc. and you can't find any tangible answer. For us it's both meaningless and miserable. Whaat? Why the fuck should I put up with this shit.

 

[OrcWitch]

That is interesting.

Even at my most depressed and miserable lows there is a raging fire in my heart, I feel a lot of emotion. Your way sounds superior and more grounded in reality.

 

[Jblack]

For you it is dispassion, to me it is a lack of any kind of emotion. I really feel nothing and do not have any emotion for anything. I blame all the meds and therapy brain washing over the years.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Your way sounds superior and more grounded in reality.

I do not want to sound superior, I was the same way. The quality and quantity of emotion feels amazing when you are depressed and suicidal. Anger, sadness and hate towards existing feels like coke when you mix it with good music. Anger was burning through me and I felt too much. Now I became just tired.
I cannot afford to feel such intense emotions anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel the same, I just see life as a pointless struggle. I do not see any point in living. All we are doing is essentially waiting around to die anyway. Life is just passing time until death. I do not see why I should put up with this for decades. I just feel empty a lot of the time. In a way it is like I am already dead but I am still breathing. I think for me, the problem is life itself. Nothing about living appeals to me in any way. I mean, I was perfectly fine not existing until I was forced to live. I'm also not meant for this life.

 

[CountOfTuscany]

I feel the same, I just see life as a pointless struggle. I do not see any point in living. All we are doing is essentially waiting around to die anyway. Life is just passing time until death. I do not see why I should put up with this for decades. I just feel empty a lot of the time. In a way it is like I am already dead but I am still breathing. I think for me, the problem is life itself. Nothing about living appeals to me in any way. I mean, I was perfectly fine not existing until I was forced to live. I'm also not meant for this life.

I feel much the same way, and I have found that other people often have a hard time understanding this perspective. It's very easy for others to see people like us and wonder what we're sad about when we aren't even sad, just empty.

There's a short book out there called The Stranger by Albert Camus. The main character, Meursault, has some similar thoughts, but takes them in a different direction to ultimately find the tiniest bit of meaning to his existence. You might find it interesting.