Screaming

[Miss_Takes]

I can not stop the screaming inside my head today and I am afraid that it is beginning to fall out. The lies I tell and the ones I dont seem to be taking over my reality ... everyone thinks I am fine and I am except for the incessant screaming inside my head.
And then it stops and I carry on .... waiting.

 

[grungeCat]

I'm sorry you're in such state. I don't want to be mean and you don't have to answer this question but .. do you hear these screams like they are real? Have you considered you might be ill with schizophrenia?

 

[WornOutLife]

I used to be in the same state. I faked my emotions and managed to make a living, have relationships and friends.
However, I finally exploded. I highly recommend you try to get help so that you don't become a NEET (shut-in) like me.

 

[Miss_Takes]

I'm sorry you're in such state. I don't want to be mean and you don't have to answer this question but .. do you hear these screams like they are real? Have you considered you might be ill with schizophrenia?

Thank you for your response and I am not offended. The screaming is mine and I have no other symptoms or history that would suggest psychosis or schizophrenia.
Its a good awareness to have though so I appreciate you taking the time and having the courage to ask.

 

[grungeCat]

Thank you for your response and I am not offended. The screaming is mine and I have no other symptoms or history that would suggest psychosis or schizophrenia.
Its a good awareness to have though so I appreciate you taking the time and having the courage to ask.

Thank you for replying, I just wanted to be sure. Although mental health awareness is getting a little bit better nowadays then there are still a lot of people who don't know their disease must be treated by psychiatrist. I wish you all the best!

 

[Miss_Takes]

I used to be in the same state. I faked my emotions and managed to make a living, have relationships and friends.
However, I finally exploded. I highly recommend you try to get help so that you don't become a NEET (shut-in) like me.

Thank you for your response.
I have a therapist but because I have been a therapist I am constantly second guessing my responses and analyzing everything I say and her responses to every thing I say.
I try not to be guarded with my therapist but sessions always leave me second guessing myself.
And we are in a holding period at this time and unable to move beyond superficial engagement to the critical issue until funding is approved ... January 25th is when I have a psych eval but each day I am becoming less 'me'.
Thanks everyone for the likes and hugs and support.
Thanks everyone for the likes and hugs and support.

Thank you for replying, I just wanted to be sure. Although mental health awareness is getting a little bit better nowadays then there are still a lot of people who don't know their disease must be treated by psychiatrist. I wish you all the best!

Another quick reflection I have just had in response to rereading your i intial post and my response to it ...
I dont think I am faking my emotions or pretending I am not unwell now ... but I do constantly worry that I have lost a sense of reality regarding my 'intention' ...
Even now I am wondering why I am typing this here ... for what purpose?
I am not 'me'.

 

[grungeCat]

Another quick reflection I have just had in response to rereading your i intial post and my response to it ...
I dont think I am faking my emotions or pretending I am not unwell now ... but I do constantly worry that I have lost a sense of reality regarding my 'intention' ...
Even now I am wondering why I am typing this here ... for what purpose?
I am not 'me'.

I get you, that strange kind of derealization happens to me sometimes too. Then I feel literally as I lose myself... as weird as it sounds. As if I lost control and everything I do goes on 'automatically'. It's not even very unpleasant, it's just ... weird.

 

[Miss_Takes]

I get you, that strange kind of derealization happens to me sometimes too. Then I feel literally as I lose myself... as weird as it sounds. As if I lost control and everything I do goes on 'automatically'. It's not even very unpleasant, it's just ... weird.

Yes. Like the description of an out body experience watched from inside.
The screaming starts and I know its my voice but Im unable to control it or stop it so it feels unlike 'me'.
The screaming stops and I am unable to say why it has stopped ... because 'me' didnt do anything to stop it.