Venting PMDD is making everything worse

[otomedissection]

I already go through enough shit but PMDD is making everything exponentially worse. I feel like my brain is physically deteriorating and I sob and act violently toward myself over literally everything. And what sucks is that NOTHING helps. I feel so fatigued and exhausted from everything that I can't even fathom doing CBT or DBT or any kind of thought reframing. All I can do is just lay in a heap on my bed for days and cry until I fall asleep. Then when I wake up it's the same shit!! All I can do is just sit in misery until it goes away. Although it never truly goes away because then I'm just bombarded with the usual shit I go through every day with depression and ADHD. And I'm so scared. I dread every single month because I know exactly when it's going to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I've already taken so many different SSRI's and SNRI's that usually get prescribed for PMDD, and my current meds manage my depression/anxiety decently, but never the PMDD. The only other treatment I can think of is getting a hysterectomy, but I have insane dysphoria around that kind of thing. Like I feel like I am broken sexually as it is and nobody would ever tolerate being with me if I couldn't have kids. I feel so worthless and like every single part of my body is always attacking me. And I know I shouldn't try to CTB when I'm in my absolute worst state of mind but god does it get tempting.

 

[freycinetia]

I also have PMDD, and I feel the same way. I feel like I keep hitting a new low whenever it comes around and by the time it's over I end up so exhausted that it throws my mental health straight back in hell anyway.

Sorry I have nothing better to say, but just wanted to let you know that I feel you and understand you.

 

[_Gollum_]

Sorry you're going through this :\ For what it's worth, I don't think getting a hysterectomy will entail never being loved. You would just have to find someone who doesn't want biological kids (of which there are many!). I got my fallopian tubes removed and I'm very glad I did so, though it was expressly for pregnancy prevention.

Point is, you shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to be in pain anymore. It's your body and your life; an abstract future partner does not get a say in how much suffering you have to tolerate.

 

[booplesnoot34]

I got my fallopian tubes removed with the support of my husband. Lots of people actively seek out partners who don't ever want kids. (What sane person would want to bring a child into this horrible world?) My periods are irregular but I still get PMDD and man, does it suck! I have double depression already and now you wanna add PMDD on top of that? Having a uterus is like having an abuser living in your body, attacking you from the inside out and causing physical and mental pain and suffering for weeks each month. Being female feels like a cruel joke sometimes.