Discussion My ocd makes me feel like im the worse of the worse

[tretion]

I make sure im as nice as possible, i never speak my mind, i let people do whatever, I feel like if I don't then I am actually a horrible person, my entire life I have based around others wants instead of my own. It has dug me into some horrible situations that has made my thoughts worse. My brain tries to convince me I done things I know I would've never done but I have to prove to myself I didnt do it or else it says I actually did do it and by me not proving i didnt do it then I am accepting that i did do it. Its a never ending cycle, i am not a bad person I swear. I hate this so much please I just want a break from it, I have no drugs right now to try to control the thoughts, i am suffering i need out