Venting One year anniversary...and a pinch of irony.

[it's_all_a_game]

It's my one year anniversary of being on this site. I discovered this place after my second laptop broke last year in October. Beforehand, I was so desperate to die I went to a train station and tried my hardest to jump in front of it. I was so close, but I was too terrified of the pain. As I caught the bus back hone, I grumbled under my breath at our society's lack of respect towards those in immense suffering...

I used a crappy tablet with DDG browser to find this site. I searched for suicide methods, finding the Suicide Wiki in the process, from there, I read about SN and immediately bought some. From that point onward, I was able to get though life's hardships knowing I can opt out without excruciating pain. People might say, "Without this site you'd still be alive!" - no, I wouldn't. I would just have died in a more painful fashion. And talking on this site about my woes - woes I can express nowhere else, as I have no friends and my mom doesn't care - has been therapeutic to me. I no longer wander the streets at night alone. I no longer fight to hold back tears, due to many bullies mocking me for crying. I can be open here.

Ironically, I'm writing this on a tablet yet again as my laptop turned off and won't turn back on for whatever reason. I'll try to get it fixed soon, but I've gone though three laptops and I'm very frustrated. How come they don't make these things to last? I feel the urge to ctb again...

 

[TriggerHappy]

You are most welcome, we see in your eyes you are one of us.
Keep fighting, until u no longer want to...
This forum has changed so much for me, I slip from wanting to ctb into quasi-recovery... then back. A day in the life...
Add :: has anyone really used that new switch to turn on /off Suicide discussion vs Recovery visibility?
Reeealllly now.....?!
Thats a commitment, baby.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

One year of being around, quite a lot of time and you still around, there is something good on the fact that the website was helpful to you and actually kept you alive, which is the opposite of what is told outside.

I wish you the best going forward, either is ctb or going for the second anniversary.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody should have to resort to a painful suicide, it is cruel how the society tries to force us to live and expects us to suffer for decades. This site certainly is needed, I understand it must be a relief knowing you can exit at anytime.