Venting Not sure what to do anymore

[embarrassment]

I've planned everything out. I know what to do. I have a method. Patrial hanging. Simple, effective. I can take my medication before, and as I get tired I can CTB. I'm not wanted where I am. I'm not going to be greatly missed. I'm not going to get better, everything has just gotten worse. I'm not cut out for this world.
I was planning for the end of this year if nothing got better for me, but I'm thinking I should just do it ASAP.
Everyone I know hates me, and even the people who don't know me have such great disdain for my existence.
I just worry that I'll screw it up, or chicken out for some reason. Like I'll "come to my senses" or that wretched survival instinct will kick in. I keep having this little part of me that desperately wants things to get better, but no matter what I do; meds, therapy, diet, exercise, I let doctors perform electro convulsive therapy on me, hospitals, going outside, nothing helps stop this desperate longing in my heart for all this suffering to end.

 

[shadyjdz]

My brother hanged himself and then the belt broke and he broke both of his ankles and couldn't get up... he then had to be taken to the hospital.

 

[LastLightFade...]

I've planned everything out. I know what to do. I have a method. Patrial hanging. Simple, effective. I can take my medication before, and as I get tired I can CTB. I'm not wanted where I am. I'm not going to be greatly missed. I'm not going to get better, everything has just gotten worse. I'm not cut out for this world.
I was planning for the end of this year if nothing got better for me, but I'm thinking I should just do it ASAP.
Everyone I know hates me, and even the people who don't know me have such great disdain for my existence.
I just worry that I'll screw it up, or chicken out for some reason. Like I'll "come to my senses" or that wretched survival instinct will kick in. I keep having this little part of me that desperately wants things to get better, but no matter what I do; meds, therapy, diet, exercise, I let doctors perform electro convulsive therapy on me, hospitals, going outside, nothing helps stop this desperate longing in my heart for all this suffering to end.

Sounds like you're unsure it's probably best not to commit suicide if you're unsure that you want it to happen this seems a bit irrational from what you've explained but ultimately it's up to you what happens I reccommend not doing it though.