catbunny
Member
- Jun 19, 2024
- 70
I don't even know anymore. On one hand, I just want to stay at home, stay in my room, and live without a care in the world, relying on my parents. (I'm still at an age where that's acceptable, and my parents haven't had a problem with it yet.) I want to stay in my room, watch anime, and read manhwa all day. Like some weeb or a loser Discord mod. Call me whatever. I don't care. That's the kind of life I want, and it's where I feel safe.
But on the other hand, I want to push myself to my limits. I want to force myself out of that loser shell and become a normal person, work a part-time job, go to class, socialize, join clubs, go to the gym… But honestly, it's so overwhelming. I want to quit my job. I don't know if it's because I'm just too weak, or because this job simply isn't right for me. I genuinely don't want to go back there. I'm scared of going in, of dealing with all the problems at work. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up and cry. It feels like that place is slowly eating me alive.
But I need the money, and I also need the experience for my future. So what am I supposed to do now? Should I just enjoy the rest of my meaningless college years, or keep working to build a better future for myself?
I want to live like I'm going to die at the age of 22, but I know I have to live more responsibly because I probably won't die at 22. I'm so tired. I wish I could just die right now, or at least at 22.
Should I quit my job?
P.S: I work part-time at a tutoring center. My job is mainly educational consulting, along with some other tasks. Honestly, for most people, this job probably isn't that stressful. It's actually pretty chill. The biggest issue is my boss, they're very strict and get irritated over even the smallest things. At the same time, they're also pretty easygoing in other aspects, so it's kind of a weird balance.
Even so, the job feels really overwhelming to me because I'm an introvert with a really bad social anxiety, and I genuinely don't like jobs that require me to talk to people all day. I only took this job because my friend referred me, and at the time my family was going through a financial crisis and had lost a significant amount of money. Things have gotten a bit better now.
Before this job, I worked at a café, and after quitting there, I had already planned to stop working for a while and just rely on my parents, if that financial situation hadn't happened. Now that my family's doing a little better, I don't really want to work anymore.
I'm scared of going to work. Every time I have to go in, I feel anxious, sometimes even panicky. Overall, I genuinely don't feel okay, and I'm really scared.
That's why I want to quit. But at the same time, I don't want to quit because I want to live like a normal person. I don't want to feel like there's something wrong with me. I want to be someone who can just work, socialize, and function like everyone else.
Life is exhausting when you have to live like this, but I can't do anything about it anymore. It's hard to explain why I can't. I've tried so many things, but nothing seems to help anymore.
The most desperate thing I can do now is write all of this down. It doesn't make me feel any better or anything, but it's the last thing I can still do because I genuinely don't know what else I'm capable of doing anymore.
If I hadn't spent so much time holding myself back, I think I'd probably be some awful person going around yelling at everyone, or maybe I'd end up becoming a complete mess. But instead, I'm still here, still maybe a person. Just an average, alternative looking person in everyone else's eyes. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not.
Maybe that's how I'll end up, an e-girl, someone's Discord kitten, or selling content on OF if I become enough of a loser that I can't finish college or get down a decent job.
But on the other hand, I want to push myself to my limits. I want to force myself out of that loser shell and become a normal person, work a part-time job, go to class, socialize, join clubs, go to the gym… But honestly, it's so overwhelming. I want to quit my job. I don't know if it's because I'm just too weak, or because this job simply isn't right for me. I genuinely don't want to go back there. I'm scared of going in, of dealing with all the problems at work. Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up and cry. It feels like that place is slowly eating me alive.
But I need the money, and I also need the experience for my future. So what am I supposed to do now? Should I just enjoy the rest of my meaningless college years, or keep working to build a better future for myself?
I want to live like I'm going to die at the age of 22, but I know I have to live more responsibly because I probably won't die at 22. I'm so tired. I wish I could just die right now, or at least at 22.
Should I quit my job?
P.S: I work part-time at a tutoring center. My job is mainly educational consulting, along with some other tasks. Honestly, for most people, this job probably isn't that stressful. It's actually pretty chill. The biggest issue is my boss, they're very strict and get irritated over even the smallest things. At the same time, they're also pretty easygoing in other aspects, so it's kind of a weird balance.
Even so, the job feels really overwhelming to me because I'm an introvert with a really bad social anxiety, and I genuinely don't like jobs that require me to talk to people all day. I only took this job because my friend referred me, and at the time my family was going through a financial crisis and had lost a significant amount of money. Things have gotten a bit better now.
Before this job, I worked at a café, and after quitting there, I had already planned to stop working for a while and just rely on my parents, if that financial situation hadn't happened. Now that my family's doing a little better, I don't really want to work anymore.
I'm scared of going to work. Every time I have to go in, I feel anxious, sometimes even panicky. Overall, I genuinely don't feel okay, and I'm really scared.
That's why I want to quit. But at the same time, I don't want to quit because I want to live like a normal person. I don't want to feel like there's something wrong with me. I want to be someone who can just work, socialize, and function like everyone else.
Life is exhausting when you have to live like this, but I can't do anything about it anymore. It's hard to explain why I can't. I've tried so many things, but nothing seems to help anymore.
The most desperate thing I can do now is write all of this down. It doesn't make me feel any better or anything, but it's the last thing I can still do because I genuinely don't know what else I'm capable of doing anymore.
If I hadn't spent so much time holding myself back, I think I'd probably be some awful person going around yelling at everyone, or maybe I'd end up becoming a complete mess. But instead, I'm still here, still maybe a person. Just an average, alternative looking person in everyone else's eyes. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not.
Maybe that's how I'll end up, an e-girl, someone's Discord kitten, or selling content on OF if I become enough of a loser that I can't finish college or get down a decent job.
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