Venting never been more suicidal

[comeoutandhauntme]

i realized this morning i've never been so suicidal and set in my ways than i am right now. i've been depressed and suicidal since i was around 11 or 12 years old but at the end of the day, i always kept going. or i knew that i wouldn't actually go through with ctb. but right now, i genuinely cannot see any sort of future for myself past the next couple of months because i'm serious about going through with it this time. i don' think i'll be making it past late may or early june. trying to see farther into the future for myself just makes me confused and foggy, because for the first time ever i know i'll probably be able to actually get away with this.

ig this just is further proof that i couldn't get better even if i wanted to. whenever i've been near as suicidal as this in the past, at least i had something else going on or a semi-valid reason to help justify it. but in theory, i should be at my peak right now. i have a good job, good friends, family that currently still loves me, a few months away from starting a program for the degree i'm going for. and yet i've never wanted to die more. sucks

 

[longpig]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, i relate to a lot of the feelings you've expressed here and I know how lost and hopeless it can make you feel

I really hope things become a little more clear or bearable for you, you aren't alone in those feelings at all also, cute pfp! :)

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I'm so sorry you feel this way, i relate to a lot of the feelings you've expressed here and I know how lost and hopeless it can make you feel

I really hope things become a little more clear or bearable for you, you aren't alone in those feelings at all

i hope things get better for you as well, thank you

also, cute pfp! :)

thank you!!!! :)

 

[scenecore fan]

i have a good job, good friends, family that currently still loves me, a few months away from starting a program for the degree i'm going for. and yet i've never wanted to die more. sucks

i feel u, like, i'm not in the best space rn, but some good stuff has happened to me this last month, maybe a sign that some of my relationships with friends could be way better than what they are rn, i literally have the chance to finally open up, but yet, i think about kms every day, and when i think about the future i can only think of the day i will ctb, or what will take place after i ctb

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

i feel u, like, i'm not in the best space rn, but some good stuff has happened to me this last month, maybe a sign that some of my relationships with friends could be way better than what they are rn, i literally have the chance to finally open up, but yet, i think about kms every day, and when i think about the future i can only think of the day i will ctb, or what will take place after i ctb

seems like me and u are in the exact same position rn lol. this is exactly how i feel