Venting My life resembles Agonal Rhythm.

[Blue Rose]

Agonal Rhythm/Secondary Ventricular Standstill​

All hearts of patients were almost dead, only few cells are struggling for their survival desperately,
But it will be useless so.

These patients are dead practically, all doctors almost gave up reviving them.
Even though they will be revived in a rare possibility, They will NOT be able to live as before anymore.
Because, their heart was almost dead once.


If I can compare my life to ECG, I am sure it will show Agonal Rhythm to me.
Sometimes I can be happy, amused, calm, however surely it will be temporary.
I can feel my death vividly now & I am preparing my CTB secretly and silently.


No company had employed me directly. I have never had any regular job in my whole life.
Just I had been sent to various field or companies for 10 years,
By the people in some temporary agencies Always. With my poor means, conditions and health.

They Can commit everything to earn their money or to get a great benefit.
They Can break the law in my country easily, Can deprive some money of me easily,
Can consider myself as a mediocre part easily.

I have never found any remorse, guilty, sadness for their deeds from this people.

I have no career, no decent certifications or abilities + I have no efficient money to revive myself.
Briefly, I am old and useless rubbish in SK. Someone thinks that I deserve to die even.
In addition, my parents started to prepare their late-years, then I feel I should disappear in front of them quickly.
I would not like to exploit them anymore.

There is Not the second chance in SK for the naive, weak, failed once, and a person who had any serious mental illness like myself.
If I want to survive in my land, I must harm others for my bread and money, but I am sick of these insane competition.
So I had refused them, I was sentenced to the life sentence in harsh poverty or the death sentence in slow tortures by my country.

Rapidly.


Nevertheless, these hypocrisies have not an intention to kill myself rapidly, without pain.
So I created the card, my last resort, called CTB - On my accord and wish.

The half of my feeling and heart went numb already. It became the reserved seat for the death recently.
At this moment, I would not like to be engaged with the real life at all No more.
No wealth, honour, love, career can persuade me or turn myself to the life No more.
At last, I wish nobody except members of SS would interfere in myself or preach to myself too!