jazzcat621
My heart for the whole world
- Jun 30, 2025
- 12
It's like a massive weight is being lifted off my shoulders as I watch my life crumble as predicted. Months ago when the first impacts of the current US Administration hit me, I was able to tell almost exactly what would happen. I will not share exact details as its a highly unique case and being identified would only hurt me, but I have been subject to discrimination on every level from every person whose told me "I will have your back". As it would turn out, near everyone is 100% ready to unfairly hurt those below them without a second thought or sign of empathy or regret saying "I'm just following orders"
All this started a chain reaction causing nearly every aspect of my life to get worse. I was at a pretty stable "I survived the worst" point of my life. Went from psych wards to having a stable and well paying job, having a fulfilling relationship, healing from past traumas, stable home, and a decent and comfortable life. Now all that has turned to shit again by things completely outside of my control. My job is in limbo, my mental health and ability to care for myself has been in steady decline, and now my girlfriend is probably about to break up with me. She was the one person I depended on the most. The only truly stable thing I thought I had in my life. And just as I fall in love with her a second time, she falls out of love. Right when I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel to recovery. It was an up hill battle getting from the bottom to thriving and now I am watching myself fall to square one just as I knew it would happen.
I tried telling everyone around me that these awful things would happen, that I would end up losing everything I got, but none of them believed me and now that I've proven them all wrong, they all are suddenly just not able to give any sort of support anymore. Their opinions that things wouldn't end up like this weren't made out of logical thinking, but rather hopeless idealism because they didn't want to admit they didn't *really* care. Its only shown me that most of the people in this world have no real love to give. Everyone is out for their own benefit, and those that seem to be "cared about" are just cared about because they are useful.
And after all of this, I honestly feel bitter satisfaction. I've laid out what my conditions were for me to go on to CTB and I am watching them all get met, exactly as predicted. I've laid out warnings, made it blatantly obvious of what is going to happen. I've practically told people I'm on this forum and that I will be leaving soon if things get worse. Yet they all just blindly continue on without a care in the world. Not even a sorry. Well at least I look forward to finding peace. I have my list of last things I wanna do. Travel the country, get the house I want, live the experiences I want to live. Maybe in my travels I might find someone to CTB with. My final wish would be to go out in someone's arms. It won't be soon, but it won't be long until then.
All this started a chain reaction causing nearly every aspect of my life to get worse. I was at a pretty stable "I survived the worst" point of my life. Went from psych wards to having a stable and well paying job, having a fulfilling relationship, healing from past traumas, stable home, and a decent and comfortable life. Now all that has turned to shit again by things completely outside of my control. My job is in limbo, my mental health and ability to care for myself has been in steady decline, and now my girlfriend is probably about to break up with me. She was the one person I depended on the most. The only truly stable thing I thought I had in my life. And just as I fall in love with her a second time, she falls out of love. Right when I started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel to recovery. It was an up hill battle getting from the bottom to thriving and now I am watching myself fall to square one just as I knew it would happen.
I tried telling everyone around me that these awful things would happen, that I would end up losing everything I got, but none of them believed me and now that I've proven them all wrong, they all are suddenly just not able to give any sort of support anymore. Their opinions that things wouldn't end up like this weren't made out of logical thinking, but rather hopeless idealism because they didn't want to admit they didn't *really* care. Its only shown me that most of the people in this world have no real love to give. Everyone is out for their own benefit, and those that seem to be "cared about" are just cared about because they are useful.
And after all of this, I honestly feel bitter satisfaction. I've laid out what my conditions were for me to go on to CTB and I am watching them all get met, exactly as predicted. I've laid out warnings, made it blatantly obvious of what is going to happen. I've practically told people I'm on this forum and that I will be leaving soon if things get worse. Yet they all just blindly continue on without a care in the world. Not even a sorry. Well at least I look forward to finding peace. I have my list of last things I wanna do. Travel the country, get the house I want, live the experiences I want to live. Maybe in my travels I might find someone to CTB with. My final wish would be to go out in someone's arms. It won't be soon, but it won't be long until then.
