I need to chat with someone pro-choice. I need to open up to someone who wouldn't dismisse my feeling with their pro-life views. I'm currently at the mental hospital I'm planning on doing sn method when I get out. I was supposed to leave today but I told the psychologist that I'm suicadal and they decided to keep me. I think about lieing to them that I'm no longer suicadal so I can spend my birthday with my family and some time after that cbt in hotel room so my family wouldn't suffer additional trauma by finding the body. I'm not someone who is in a crisis and want to end life because of it. I struggle with mental health for years and it got worse despite attending group therapy. I couldn't hold a job longer then a month or finish university due to my mental health. I'm supposed to start attending group therapy again after living hospital. It's annoying that people try to convince me that I am able to work and will be cured despite years of life proving otherwise. My mom seems to be in denial about me being suicada despite dealing with my previous attempts and believe everything will be fine after therapy. I'm afraid she will be broken by my cbt by I can't live for her. I told the psychologist at mental to talk with her and adapt her to the though that I may live. I don't know how it will go on one hand I want to be open to my family that I'm going to unalive myslef to prapare then for this on the other I'm afraid the may somehow stop me. My father kinda understands me because he's schizophrenic and also suicadal but it's not like he will support my decision. I don't have hope that I will be cured and living like that is hell, I'm at mental hospital like 6th times and I'm only 22 living like that is hell. I want to share my journey with someone and get support in my decision.
58Alice85
Autogynephile
- Aug 31, 2025
- 112
If you keep using the forum you should be able to use the chat. Im only using it for a little while and i can use it.
I dont think you will find anyone with antisuicide opinions here.
I dont think you will find anyone with antisuicide opinions here.
Your mother is probably trying to convince herself that things aren't as bad as they feel, but it could help to be brutally honest with her about how you're feeling. You don't have to tell her about wanting to end your life yet, but you could share how empty or dead you feel inside, something she might not have fully realized (somehow). Whatever choice you make, i really hope you find peace.
It's hard. My family is very supportive but it feels delusional to me. Like they hope that therapy (my mother) or religion (my father) could cure me but I think they invest in the lost cose. I just realised there's no point in trying anymore. I think I would be a burden to them if I keep living and still will have mental health issues and be financially dependent. I was homeless for some time. I'm tired of that live.
I told my mother or more like screamed to her that I'm going to kill myself. There were tears running down her cheeks later but I assume it's better that way then if she expirienced sudden shock when confronted with my suicade. Of course she's not supportive of my decision she tries to convince me that therapy can help me, that I should try harder, try different type of job. I feel too exhausted to try too sick to live.
Lions303
Blessed
- Aug 24, 2025
- 59
First of all im really sorry, it sounds really painful what you going through and it seems like you've been going through it for a while. I get the feeling that family arnt really being the most supportive considering your situation. I would love to hear you out and hear your story I get a strong feel there's a lot more then the OP, if your comfortable with sharing that is anyway <3
My family is pretty supportive like they visit me often in mental hospital, buy lots of food, call me every day. When I was homeless it was more like my decision to not come back to them. It's seems harder to leave family that's invested in helping you but my memtal illness is too much any support system can't make it different. With my decision to cbt it's unlikely to get their support but I think it's pretty standard in our society. It's annoying to me because as I can understand that people don't support suicade when someone face crisis if someone struggles with an illness for years and it's unlikely to be cured it should be understandable. I ask my mother if she wouldn't want to take her life if she was in my place and she replied "I don't know" so maybe she's starting to understand me.
I'm supposed to leave mental hospital next Thursday. I plan to slowly gather things for my suicade by sn. I won't get sleeping pills because I'm afraid to lie to get them but I plan to lie to get antisemitic. It's hard for me that I need to lie and hide how I feel. I heard somewhere that in anciemt Greece people could announce to their families that they gonna take their own lifes and have a goodbye party. I wish so much for something like that. I wish the psychologist in mental hospital would help me explore my real feelings instead of expecting me to want to live.
Lions303
Blessed
- Aug 24, 2025
- 59
Im glad to hear that they've been pretty supportive. When you were homeless, what was it like? How did you feel? Do you have the same feeling now as when that happened? I agree with you, I dont think they would be supportive of the decision to be honest. Maybe its because they really love and care for you and dont want you to leave? Yeah it seems that way, If I were in your shoes, I lived your life like you have and I were in your position, id feel the same way. I know that because that's how you're feeling now and its completely valid, you're the only person that lived your life, you are the only person that knows how it feels. The mental hospital depends on where you are ofc, scaling from being supportive and will help or the just don't bother and sign of to a psych ward because it 'helps'
It wasn't that bad. I usually could find a place to sleep by dating/hook up apps. So I basically depends on guys that wanted to sleep with me to give me food and place to sleep. Sometimes I didn't sleep with them sometimes I enjoyed it sometimes I just don't bother but I was also SA. I didn't feel that bad I still had hope that my life will turn around eventually. I was in much better place mentally then now. I don't mind that my my previous suicide attempt didn't work and I went through that but now I know I was going anywhere.
I started chatting with a guy that I met in my past. He's also struggling with mental health but is more hopeful. He's trying to be supportive. It made me question my intention to cbt because if I get a nice relationship at least I would have something in life. But I think I'm going to continue on my plan anyway. I told him about it, he's trying to convince me to try living. I wish I had someone in my life that was like " I respect your decision let's enjoy time we have left" maybe even keep me company while cbt or cbt together.
GotTheTickets
Sending HUGS 🤗
- Sep 18, 2025
- 49
If you want to keep going, than you need some goals. Focus on something and just push to it. Like financial stability , healthy relationship. You've got a supportive family, and that's A LOT. You've had courage to succesfully perform multiple "hook-ups" with strangers, so you have that power to push forward even in potentialy scary situations. You just need a better plan. That's my opinion. I hope that you'll find your best solution.
About cbt... Have you tried posting here:
?
Check below your post there.
About cbt... Have you tried posting here:
?
Check below your post there.
Last edited:
I started chatting with this guy and it gave me some hope but it may not work out. We had amazing date in the past but he leaved me alone at the moring without a world.
It feels bad to leave a family that's supportive. They are doing enough but they can't cure me. They can't make life worth living.
Thanks for the thread, someone already recommend this for me because they see I'm looking for something like this.
GotTheTickets
Sending HUGS 🤗
- Sep 18, 2025
- 49
We both cant exchange private messages yet, but we can talk here, if you want. Btw. I live close to you.
Why we can't pm each other? I can pm most other people. Maybe you're not on the forum enough time but I'm here for like 3 days and already can pm people.
Do you live near Wroclaw?
GotTheTickets
Sending HUGS 🤗
- Sep 18, 2025
- 49
I've been lurking here without registration for a week or something. I've tried 2 times to register but got rejected both times, maybe because I've used mobile internet or something. I successfully registered yesterday.
Katowice.
Lets just talk here. Its kinda interesting and awkward at the same time
what were the odds that we're going to live so close?
Katowice.
Lets just talk here. Its kinda interesting and awkward at the same time
what were the odds that we're going to live so close?Maybe we will be able to pm after you spent some days on the forum. I create my account like a few days ago and already can pm people.
I love Katowice. I was at a mental hospital with group therapy there. I was supposed to go back there but I decided to apply for daily therapy in Wroclaw. I don't believe therapy can cure me anymore but my doctor at current mental hospital say I need it and my mother want me to go. I chose Wroclaw because I won't be locked there I would just go there every day so I will be able to cbt soon unlike when locked at a hospital for 3 months. This guy that I'm chatting with also will go there.
I love Katowice. I was at a mental hospital with group therapy there. I was supposed to go back there but I decided to apply for daily therapy in Wroclaw. I don't believe therapy can cure me anymore but my doctor at current mental hospital say I need it and my mother want me to go. I chose Wroclaw because I won't be locked there I would just go there every day so I will be able to cbt soon unlike when locked at a hospital for 3 months. This guy that I'm chatting with also will go there.
GotTheTickets
Sending HUGS 🤗
- Sep 18, 2025
- 49
I'll get my SN tomorrow. It was actually really easy to buy at A... and shipped via InPost... LOL. I'm planning to CBT next week.
I always liked Wroclaw, havent been there in like 15 years or so tho.
Do you feel any difference after another sessions in this mental hospital, or its just a waste of time?
And that guy you're chatting now, he's the only person you're sharing your thoughts?
I always liked Wroclaw, havent been there in like 15 years or so tho.
Do you feel any difference after another sessions in this mental hospital, or its just a waste of time?
And that guy you're chatting now, he's the only person you're sharing your thoughts?
When I went to this hospital at Katowice with every day therapy I was at such a bad mental state that it was hard to function and I left pretty normal but it's not like they cure me if I'm at the hospital again. I can't even get proper diagnosis.
I shared how I feel with my father he kinda understands. I shared with my mother to confront her with reality so she will be less shocked. I think about calling my sibling. I things it's better to share this feelings before cbt but on the other hand I'm afraid they will contact the hospital and I will be trapped here longer. Maybe I will talk to them when I get out.
I shared how I feel with my father he kinda understands. I shared with my mother to confront her with reality so she will be less shocked. I think about calling my sibling. I things it's better to share this feelings before cbt but on the other hand I'm afraid they will contact the hospital and I will be trapped here longer. Maybe I will talk to them when I get out.
Lions303
Blessed
- Aug 24, 2025
- 59
Well for what its worth Ive been enjoying hearing you out, your story and your perspective While I can appreciate its rough (I know everyone says that but I genuinely mean that). Would you say that is like your ultimate goal when you say having a nice relationship because at least I would have something in life? And if so, do you think you would want to live for a nice relationship?
Tbh I don't feel that a relationship would be enough at this point. It won't solve my other issue that make live too much to bear.
Lions303
Blessed
- Aug 24, 2025
- 59
Is there a chance that a nice relationship would be worth living for and would outweigh the other issue, even if you don't think so, is there a chance? Im really proud of you for opening up and chatting too
I'm out of the mental hospital now. I have potential partner for ctb that has everything needed. I talked with my mum and we kinda agreed that I will try living for one year before ctb but I told her multiple times that idk if I can hold on I told her one time that I don't know if I can hold on for a week. I think it depends on my partner. If she will be willing to meet soon (I suggested Sunday) I'm likly to ctb because I feel like I can't stand it anymore but if she will be hesitant I may try staying alive for some time.
Similar threads
Suicide Discussion
vampire2002
