Reflection
Arcanist
- Sep 12, 2024
- 406
I think it's been about 2 months since I last logged off this site, there has been a little glimmer of hope during that time which I held on to tightly, it seemed like things might be heading towards a good direction for a change, or so I thought because it turned out I was holding on to nothing but a false hope. As of now I'm back being held by glue; There were times before where I considered powering through anything, trying to "change my perspective", "let go", "accept change" and whatnot, but seeing things go from bad to worse in real time snapped me back to the bitter reality in no time.
Now as much as I'd like to pull myself up by the the bootstraps I genuinely don't think I have it in me to live like this even for another year. Some burdens are bigger than us I suppose. I think I deserve to rest even if it means letting go of any leftover cope or hope along with my unfulfilled dreams, and just to lay to rest any lingering doubts I think I'll give life another 4 months at most. If nothing changes by then I have a definite answer to go and never look back. Perhaps I can have another try at life where I get I happy ending.
Now as much as I'd like to pull myself up by the the bootstraps I genuinely don't think I have it in me to live like this even for another year. Some burdens are bigger than us I suppose. I think I deserve to rest even if it means letting go of any leftover cope or hope along with my unfulfilled dreams, and just to lay to rest any lingering doubts I think I'll give life another 4 months at most. If nothing changes by then I have a definite answer to go and never look back. Perhaps I can have another try at life where I get I happy ending.
