Things never seem to get better even when my life is going well

[cheyxnn]

I'm at a point in my life where I've never felt better and my life is going great yet I still feel no better than I did before.

I have a lot of friends at uni and even have a bf now that I never thought in a million years I would ever get. But despite all this I still feel the exact same. I notice it especially when I'm by myself and everything goes back to how it always is and I realise just how broken I am as a human down to my core. Even when I was 5 i never had the same will to live as everyone around me did - I would blow out my birthday candles and wish I could just die or disappear. But then I suppose I thought when I'm older things will change. Then when I got older I thought maybe it was school or my parents or whatever I was stressed about and hated at that moment. But now I have no struggles and I still feel the exact same - I don't understand

I really want to get better- I want to get a house with my bf and I think I want to live for him but it's like my whole body is against the whole notion. I don't understand why I'm like this. Everything is going so well so why can't I just be normal - I hate all of this I don't want to live like this my whole life I can't do it . I can't deal with this constant aching and sadness I feel at all times I can't do it anymore not when I know there's nothing I can do that will fix it. And the worst part is there's no cause to it so there's nothing to fix to begin with - no solution. I'm going to be stuck in this perpetual sadness forever

 

[Hollowman]

It really sucks when you realize there isn't a solution. My mind broke hard trying to find one.

 

[Arioso]

I'm at a point in my life where I've never felt better and my life is going great yet I still feel no better than I did before.

I have a lot of friends at uni and even have a bf now that I never thought in a million years I would ever get. But despite all this I still feel the exact same. I notice it especially when I'm by myself and everything goes back to how it always is and I realise just how broken I am as a human down to my core. Even when I was 5 i never had the same will to live as everyone around me did - I would blow out my birthday candles and wish I could just die or disappear. But then I suppose I thought when I'm older things will change. Then when I got older I thought maybe it was school or my parents or whatever I was stressed about and hated at that moment. But now I have no struggles and I still feel the exact same - I don't understand

I really want to get better- I want to get a house with my bf and I think I want to live for him but it's like my whole body is against the whole notion. I don't understand why I'm like this. Everything is going so well so why can't I just be normal - I hate all of this I don't want to live like this my whole life I can't do it . I can't deal with this constant aching and sadness I feel at all times I can't do it anymore not when I know there's nothing I can do that will fix it. And the worst part is there's no cause to it so there's nothing to fix to begin with - no solution. I'm going to be stuck in this perpetual sadness forever

sounds like deep rooted self hatred. such people constantly engage in self sabotage,
basically every decision they take goes against their own interest because they subconsciously believe they're unworthy of being happy.
when you chronically hate yourself it becomes part of your identity, and every little thing that shakes that identity (even for a bit) will be met with resistance from your part.
basically being happy makes you feel uneasy because you believe it goes against who you truly are.
you've been so accustomed to hating yourself that happiness looks scary. in a way you've turned pain into comfort and happiness into pain.
self hatred usually has its roots in childhood trauma, so you might look into that (if you have the guts to look into the darker aspects of yourself that is).
you're stronger than you think girl, you've come a long way. i'm proud of you

 

[cheyxnn]

sounds like deep rooted self hatred. such people constantly engage in self sabotage,
basically every decision they take goes against their own interest because they subconsciously believe they're unworthy of being happy.
when you chronically hate yourself it becomes part of your identity, and every little thing that shakes that identity (even for a bit) will be met with resistance from your part.
basically being happy makes you feel uneasy because you believe it goes against who you truly are.
you've been so accustomed to hating yourself that happiness looks scary. in a way you've turned pain into comfort and happiness into pain.
self hatred usually has its roots in childhood trauma, so you might look into that (if you have the guts to look into the darker aspects of yourself that is).
you're stronger than you think girl, you've come a long way. i'm proud of you

Perhaps this is the case, there's nothing I really like about myself so maybe my unhappiness does stem from that. I hope so either way as at least it means I'm not devoid of being able to be happy or at least content in life eventually. Thank you for this, it really means a lot to me. Makes me feel more normal I suppose and that maybe one day I'll get over this hatred - like the final puzzle piece - and maybe I'll be ok.

 

[CleanGopher]

I'm at a point in my life where I've never felt better and my life is going great yet I still feel no better than I did before.

I have a lot of friends at uni and even have a bf now that I never thought in a million years I would ever get. But despite all this I still feel the exact same. I notice it especially when I'm by myself and everything goes back to how it always is and I realise just how broken I am as a human down to my core. Even when I was 5 i never had the same will to live as everyone around me did - I would blow out my birthday candles and wish I could just die or disappear. But then I suppose I thought when I'm older things will change. Then when I got older I thought maybe it was school or my parents or whatever I was stressed about and hated at that moment. But now I have no struggles and I still feel the exact same - I don't understand

I really want to get better- I want to get a house with my bf and I think I want to live for him but it's like my whole body is against the whole notion. I don't understand why I'm like this. Everything is going so well so why can't I just be normal - I hate all of this I don't want to live like this my whole life I can't do it . I can't deal with this constant aching and sadness I feel at all times I can't do it anymore not when I know there's nothing I can do that will fix it. And the worst part is there's no cause to it so there's nothing to fix to begin with - no solution. I'm going to be stuck in this perpetual sadness forever

material things only bring sm

 

[nettspend]

I had everything I ever wanted in my life not long ago, yet I was miserable. Today I have NOTHING and I'm just as miserable. I think some people are just doomed. Alternatively that happiness has to come from within. Or, that happiness is a lie and everyone is just suffering all the time--some just hide it better.