ebg
LOVE !
- Sep 30, 2024
- 137
I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THE SAME THING FOR EVERU SECOND FOR YEARS. NO ONE HAS THIS EXPERIENCE AND KILLING MYSELF IS THE ONLY WAY OUT. I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS. IVE BEEN OF SERVICE TO EVERYONE. NO ONE GETS IT. NO ONE WOULD EXPERIENCE THIS AND I AM LABELLED AS "CRAZY" "IRRATIONAL" "MENTALLY ILL" FOR SOMETHING I CANNOT CONTROL. I HATE EVERYONE AROUND ME BECAUSE THEY KEEP ME IN A PRISON. PSYCHIATRISTS JUST WANT THE SAME. IF EVERYONE HAD MY EXPERIENCE THEY'D ALL BE DEAD. I WAS USELESS TO OTHERS, I GOT MY "COMMUNITY HELPER" SCHOLARSHIP, I DID MY PART, NOW PLEASE LET ME THE FUCK OUT. Every single second for years. AND YOU EXPECT IT TO CHANGE? FUCKING PARASITES. I LOVE EVERYONE HERE BECAUSE THEY UNDERSTAND. I HAVE BEEN USEFUL THESE PAST YEARS, I DONATE, COMPASSION DOESN'T EXIST IN THE WORLD UNLESS IT'S FOR TWO SECONDS. PEOPLE JUST IMMEDIATELY LOVE TO JUDGE. I WANT THE FUCK OUT. YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE? THE MOST RETARDED FUCKING THING? I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT SOME FUCKING PERSON WHO DIDNT DO WHAT I WANT! WAHOO! EVERY SECOND! EVERY SECOND! EVERY SECOND! I AM MARRIED. LOL. I AM FUCKING MARRIED YET I CAN'T FUCKING MAKE MY MIND STOP REPEARING WHAT SOME FUCKING DINK ONLINE SAID TO ME AND TREATED ME. EVERYONE WOULD BE OVER THIS BY NOW. NOW ME! I AM SO SPECIAL! I AM GIFTED BY GOD! THANK YOU. EVERY SINGLE SECOND. PEOPLE ARE PARASUTES BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ANTYHING. I KEEP HITTING MYSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD ALL THE TIME, I WISH I WAS KILLED, PLEASE I AM PURCHASING SN AND GOING THROUGH WITH IT. PEOPLE ARE PARASITES. 1. WHY SINT EVERYONE VEGAN? I WOULD BE DISPROVED IF EVERYONE WAS. 2. ALL YM PROBLKEMS STEM FROM THINKING SONEONE WAS MY FRIEND WHEN THEY WEREN'T, BUT THEN I REALIZED MOST PEOPLE ARE LIKE THAT. THERE IS NOTHING LEFT FOR ME. I CAN BE USEFUL, I LEAD CLUBS AND SHIT, I DO MORE WORK THAN 10X PEOPLE IN MY FUCKING CLUBS, I DONT FUCKING CARE ANYMORE. DESPITE ALL OF THAT, I TAKE VYVANSE (THATS THE ONLY REAOSN WHY I AM PRODUCTIVE), THE REPETIITVE CONSTANT THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE WHO, YES, LIMERENCE OR SOME SHIT (dESPITE MY HAVING SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME NOW (?????????????????)) KEEPS REPLAYING. IT KEEPS REPLAYING EVERY SECOND. I CANT CONTROL IT. I CANT CONTROL IT. I KEEP PUNCHING MYSELF BECAUSE I DO WISH THIS PRISON OF A MIND WAS OVER. I CANT HELP IT. I WAS R(PED (I WOULD WRITE IT BUT I THINK IT IS FILTERED) BY SOME FUCKING JEET, SOME FUCKING PERSON WHO WAS TWICE MY AGE WHEN I WAS GOING THROUGH THIS A COUPLE YEARS AGO, SHIT MENTAL STATE, SAME FUCKING THING, YET, PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT IS 20X WORSE BUT MY MIND DOESNT EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT. ALSO, OF COURSE HE IS A FREE MAN. NO REPURCUSIONS. THE CROWN DIDNT ACCEPT MY CHARGES. PORN IS WATCHED BY MOST OF THE POPULATION. YET, ALL MY THOUGHTS SURROUND ONE PERSON WHO DIDNT CARE. I CANT CHANGE MY MIND. I TRIED THINKING "PRETEND THAT YOU ARE LIVING YOUR DREAM LIFE AND NONE OF THIS EXISTED, BUT I COULDNT AND I STARTED FREAKING OUT AS I AM DOING NOW. I KEEP HYPERVENTILATING. I CANT MAKE IT STOP. PLEASE. I NEVER HAD THIS ISSUE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER (I WAS NORMAL, I COULD EASILY JUST BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS, WATCH MYSELF AND SAY "JUST DO SUCH AND SUCH THING") PLEASE EVERY TIME I HIT MYSELF I WISH I COULD FINALLY HAVE THE FORCE AND POWER TO JUST BREAK MY SKULL AND FINALLY JUST KILL OFF MY BRAIN. I DONT WANT TO LIVE. I FEEL LIKE I LITERALLY CANNOT "MOVE ON" UNTIL I MAKE THE PERSON CARE ABOUT ME. WAHOO! UNTIL I GET MY HAPPY ENDING. SOMEONE WHO IS JUST A COMPLETE DICK WHOM I DONT RESPECT (YET HE IS NORMAL, PEOPLE WOULD JUST MVOE ON), I CANT MAKE IT STOP. I DONT KNOW WHY I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THIS. I JUST CANT ACCEPT HOW PEOPLE ARE. MY FATHER HAD SCHIZOPHRENIA AND MAYBE IT'S THAT, MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING "UNJUST" ABOUT EVERYTHING AND NOTICING HOW HE WAS TREATED, HATING THE TERMS "MENTALLY ILL" "CRAZY" ETC.. I LOOK FORWARD TO SN AS MY ONLY TRUE ENDING AND SOLUTION. IT IS MY ONLY END. I DID MY PART. I DID MY PART FOR OTHERS. I DESERVE SN AND THAT IS ALL. NO ONE CAN HELP ME. IVE BEEN THROUGH HELP. SAME SHIT. SAME SHIT.
I DONT HAVE CONROL OVER IT. I DONT HAVE CONTROL OVER IT. I KEEP REPLAYIGN PEOPLE FROM THE PAST SAYING "JUST STOP DOING IT" "MENTALLY ILL" "GET A PSYCHIATRIST" THEY DONT EXPERIENCE THIS, I CANT MAKE IT STOP, I AM CURSED, I AM CURSED, I AM CURSED. I DID MY PART. I DID MY PART. I DONATED MY MONEY. I VOLUNTEERED OR WHATEBER THE FUCK I DID. I WAS USEFUL. I WENT VEGAN AND SHIT. NOW I GET TO END IT. I AM CURSED AND SURE PEOPLE CAN "GET IT" (MAYBE RARELY FOR SOMETHING TO THIS LENGTH), BUT I CANT CONTROL IT. FROM THE DAY I WAKE UP TO THE MOMENT I GO TO SLEEP. IT IS SHAMEFUL AND IT LITERALLY JUST REVOLVES ONE PERSON. I AM MARRIED. I AM CURSED AND THAT IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. I remember feeling normal when I was a teenager, not experiencing this, I was normal, normal advice applied to me. But I am cursed now and I have tried everything and it doesn't work. CAN SOMEONE WATCH ME HIT MYSELF. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE WATCH ME HIT THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF? I ONLY SEEK SOLACE IN PRETENDING THAT SOMEONE IS THERE WATCHING ME SO THEY WOULD KNOW THE EXTENT TO WHICH IT IS AFFECTING ME, YET ALL THEYD DO IS CALL ME MENTALLY ILL. I DONT HAVE CONTROL OVER THIS. I CANT CONTROL THIS. I CANT CONTROL THIS. I CANT CONTROL THIS. EVERY SECOND FOR EVERY YEAR. I AM NOT FUCKING LYING. I AM NOT BEINFG HYUPERBOLIC. IT IS ALWAYS AT THE BACK OF MY MIND. EVERY DAY. IT NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER ENDS. NO ONE WILL GET IT. THEY CAN LIVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAPPY LIFE. I WANT TO FUCKING END IT. NO ONE EXPERIENCES THIS. I LOVE YOU GUYS BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT SUICIDE IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. I LOVE YOU ALL BECAUSE SUICIDE TRULY IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. I SEE SUICIDE AS COMPASSIONATE. PLEASE
I DONT HAVE CONROL OVER IT. I DONT HAVE CONTROL OVER IT. I KEEP REPLAYIGN PEOPLE FROM THE PAST SAYING "JUST STOP DOING IT" "MENTALLY ILL" "GET A PSYCHIATRIST" THEY DONT EXPERIENCE THIS, I CANT MAKE IT STOP, I AM CURSED, I AM CURSED, I AM CURSED. I DID MY PART. I DID MY PART. I DONATED MY MONEY. I VOLUNTEERED OR WHATEBER THE FUCK I DID. I WAS USEFUL. I WENT VEGAN AND SHIT. NOW I GET TO END IT. I AM CURSED AND SURE PEOPLE CAN "GET IT" (MAYBE RARELY FOR SOMETHING TO THIS LENGTH), BUT I CANT CONTROL IT. FROM THE DAY I WAKE UP TO THE MOMENT I GO TO SLEEP. IT IS SHAMEFUL AND IT LITERALLY JUST REVOLVES ONE PERSON. I AM MARRIED. I AM CURSED AND THAT IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. I remember feeling normal when I was a teenager, not experiencing this, I was normal, normal advice applied to me. But I am cursed now and I have tried everything and it doesn't work. CAN SOMEONE WATCH ME HIT MYSELF. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE WATCH ME HIT THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF? I ONLY SEEK SOLACE IN PRETENDING THAT SOMEONE IS THERE WATCHING ME SO THEY WOULD KNOW THE EXTENT TO WHICH IT IS AFFECTING ME, YET ALL THEYD DO IS CALL ME MENTALLY ILL. I DONT HAVE CONTROL OVER THIS. I CANT CONTROL THIS. I CANT CONTROL THIS. I CANT CONTROL THIS. EVERY SECOND FOR EVERY YEAR. I AM NOT FUCKING LYING. I AM NOT BEINFG HYUPERBOLIC. IT IS ALWAYS AT THE BACK OF MY MIND. EVERY DAY. IT NEVER ENDS. IT NEVER ENDS. NO ONE WILL GET IT. THEY CAN LIVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAPPY LIFE. I WANT TO FUCKING END IT. NO ONE EXPERIENCES THIS. I LOVE YOU GUYS BECAUSE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT SUICIDE IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. I LOVE YOU ALL BECAUSE SUICIDE TRULY IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. I SEE SUICIDE AS COMPASSIONATE. PLEASE
Last edited:
