I need to ctb fast

[notreallyhuman]

I upset my best friend in the whole world. She's the best thing in my life, I hate myself so much loving her is the only thing that's making anything worth it. I need to catch the bus fast. I hate myself so much. It's the best thing I can do for this awful world.

I have a plan. I need to make sure it sounds good to people here who know better than me. This is what I have planned:

I'm going to do it in a hotel room, so the person to find me is a stranger. To me, this is the least cruel way to be found.

I'm going to drink bleach. This is my back up.

Then, I'm going to tie a shoelace around my neck using the ligature strangulation method.

Then, I'm going to use a pre set up partial suspension method.

These will be three methods to give the most chance of success in case one fails.

What are people's thoughts? Also, please give advice on how I can overcome survival instinct. I've struggled with it really badly in the past.

Thank you.

I plan to do this tomorrow night.

 

[monetpompo]

I'm going to drink bleach. This is my back up.

Then, I'm going to tie a shoelace around my neck using the ligature strangulation method.

Then, I'm going to use a pre set up partial suspension method.

just do full suspension. this is convoluted.

bleach will send you to the ER immediately because you'll be in so much pain that you won't be able to do any other step of your plan. you can drink alcohol and smoke weed to lower SI. ligature strangulation and partial suspenion are both unreliable methods, but bleach will just make you want to go to the hospital because you'll wish that you were dead.

 

[notreallyhuman]

I agree and understand that would be preferable but I don't know if the hotel room would have anything I could actually attach to to succeed in full suspension hanging

 

[monetpompo]

I don't know if the hotel room would have anything I could actually attach to to succeed in full suspension hanging

tie the rope to a doorknob on the opposite side of a door and pull the rope over the door. or tie the rope around a dumbell on the other side and pull the rope over the door.

 

[notreallyhuman]

That's smart actually thank you. Do you have any tips for knots to tie to ensure this will work?

 

[madameviolette]

Oh no bleach is very painful

 

[TheHolySword]

1. Terrible idea. People tend to over complicate suicides for some reason. Stop adding extra steps and multiple methods. Focus on one if you are certain.

2. This is an incredibly rash decision. You are more likely to fail in these scenarios. Think this through. Talk to your best friend if they are hurting.

 

[notreallyhuman]

1. Terrible idea. People tend to over complicate suicides for some reason. Stop adding extra steps and multiple methods. Focus on one if you are certain.

2. This is an incredibly rash decision. You are more likely to fail in these scenarios. Think this through. Talk to your best friend if they are hurting.

what do you think I should do instead? Full suspension?

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

would carbon monoxide be an option? im thinking about catching the bus in a few months from carbon monoxide poisoning in a 1 bedroom apartment.

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[notreallyhuman]

I need help I'm scared, can someone please tell me how to fix my plan? How should I go about tying the knots for the hanging? I really need it to work this time. No more excuses for me.

 

[thebayleaf]

I need help I'm scared, can someone please tell me how to fix my plan? How should I go about tying the knots for the hanging? I really need it to work this time. No more excuses for me.

i hate to be that one person, but your plan seems very spur-of-the-moment. obviously, it's your choice in the end, but death will always wait for you. I think you should slow down and take a bit of time to think everything through before you do this. the situation with your friend may not be as unfixable as it seems.

otherwise, if you're certain this is what you want, then i wish you peace and good luck.

 

[notreallyhuman]

I've wanted to do this for a while, this is just sooner than intended. I was aiming for February, but this might be the last straw. I can't live with the thoughts anymore. I know it's impulsive, but impulsive could be good. I've made so many excuses of things to wait for, that have just held me back and I'm still here when I never intended to be. No more excuses, maybe it's just time to act. I'm just scared. Scared how to go about it, and really scared to die alone. If I can cement a solid plan, I should be good to go tomorrow though. I'm ready for eternal peace.

 

[thebayleaf]

I've wanted to do this for a while, this is just sooner than intended. I was aiming for February, but this might be the last straw. I can't live with the thoughts anymore. I know it's impulsive, but impulsive could be good. I've made so many excuses of things to wait for, that have just held me back and I'm still here when I never intended to be. No more excuses, maybe it's just time to act. I'm just scared. Scared how to go about it, and really scared to die alone. If I can cement a solid plan, I should be good to go tomorrow though. I'm ready for eternal peace.

would you mind me asking what the situation with your friend is? no pressure if you'd rather not share, though.

 

[notreallyhuman]

TLDR of it I live with 3 girls, let's call my best friend T and the others are J and W. I fell out with J a bit over something petty and silly. They spoke about me and I didn't find out what about. They spoke about me again so I tried to listen through the door. W noticed and screamed at me for this and physically attacked me. T is upset at me for looking through her phone to see what was said about me, listening at the door, and falling out with J, and not sorting it with W.
I can't cope with her being upset at me. I really need to go. I'd go tonight if I wasn't meeting my uncle in the morning. It's got to be tomorrow. I really need advice on what to do since people said my plan was bad.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

TLDR of it I live with 3 girls, let's call my best friend T and the others are J and W. I fell out with J a bit over something petty and silly. They spoke about me and I didn't find out what about. They spoke about me again so I tried to listen through the door. W noticed and screamed at me for this and physically attacked me. T is upset at me for looking through her phone to see what was said about me, listening at the door, and falling out with J, and not sorting it with W.
I can't cope with her being upset at me. I really need to go. I'd go tonight if I wasn't meeting my uncle in the morning. It's got to be tomorrow. I really need advice on what to do since people said my plan was bad.

I'm sorry you're in this situation and have to go through this.

i hate to be that one person, but your plan seems very spur-of-the-moment. obviously, it's your choice in the end, but death will always wait for you.

I agree with what thebayleaf said here. Even if you obviously are planning to go in peace and have been for a while. And maybe even see some comfort in the sudden impulsive almost push or motivation through the rough situation, it remains impulsive. And impulsive can lead to mistakes sometimes.
I simply wish that if you go through with it, because it's your decision in the end, that it doesn't end badly. If you do though, I wish that you find the peace you crave.
But I am wondering, if you plan to ctb, fix up a plan and such, what not beforehand try and talk it out with your best friend and housemates? You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It might mediate the situation and your own feelings in the end.

 

[notreallyhuman]

I have spoken to her. She says she's not mad at me and still wants to be friends but she's upset about somethings that happened. And that she's not ready to articulate it yet, although we should talk about it at some point. It may sound stupid, but I just fear it makes a change in our relationship, breaking it in a way that won't be fixable, even if we stay friends. I can't cope with that change, not with everything else that's wrong.
It should be alright to get everything I need living in a city right? I need a rope, and what else? People say no to the bleach, but is there any other back up plans I can try? I feel it would be better to have something else destroy my body if the hanging should fail. In the hotel room, I won't be found until the next day giving the back up some time.

 

[happy2die]

tie the rope to a doorknob on the opposite side of a door and pull the rope over the door. or tie the rope around a dumbell on the other side and pull the rope over the door.

this is the method im thinking about doing but some people have said that a doorknob isn't strong enough for fsh even if you close the door

 

[SmellsLikeNapalm]

Bleach is just overly painful and you'll just end up in the hospital on suicide watch

Hanging is the best option

 

[Chairbed3]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have read your comments about your situation with your best friend. I understand that you are disappointed with yourself and want to improve your relationship with her. I see that you already tried to talk with her. You can give yourself some more time to understand the gravity of the situation you are in. I'd suggest you to stop talking with her for a while before you plan anything.

Some friendships last and some don't. It's okay letting go of old ones sometimes, because you're not in control of it.

Also, as others have said, it's risky doing it impulsively. Hope you get through this somehow. All the best.

 

[telekon]

I like to give credence to the website's name that there is such a thing as a sanctioned suicide... I really am not one to judge whose suicide is "sanctioned or not," but when I think of a sanctioned suicide, it's more along the lines of trauma, poverty, sickness, or isolation.

I'm sure there are other things leading up to you wanting to kill yourself but trust me when I say friends come and go. We've all embarassed ourselves and lost friends before. Try and learn something from it, and if it's your only reason, don't kill yourself over it.