Venting I hate how I am weak and a coward

[lostangel]

Every time I try to do full suspension, I always chicken out every time. I've tried multiple times and i hate how I will never do it. I am so miserable and depressed all the goddam time but not enough to where I will do it. I rarely get the chance I am home alone so I can't practice often.

I don't think I will ever do it. I've been on this site for years and still stuck in this kumite with my emotions. This is very frustrating.

 

[castler]

Ur not alone. Im chicken too, and turkey as well.

These things were never meant to be easy. Living is supposed to be easier than CTB.

Wish u all the best. I'm depressed too but maybe not as much as others.

 

[blue_muse]

Survival instinct is one hell of a bitch to overcome. You don't sound cowardly to me .

 

[FuneralCry]

Hanging sounds like such a difficult method and I have never attempted as I would fear it going wrong in some way. It does not mean that you are weak being unable to go through with it. Dying should not be this hard, a peaceful exit from this life should be a human right. I understand why you would be frustrated, as I know that it's so dreadful wanting to leave yet feeling like you are unable to. The only reason as to why I am still alive is because ctb is so hard. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

 

[lostangel]

Hanging sounds like such a difficult method and I have never attempted as I would fear it going wrong in some way. It does not mean that you are weak being unable to go through with it. Dying should not be this hard, a peaceful exit from this life should be a human right. I understand why you would be frustrated, as I know that it's so dreadful wanting to leave yet feeling like you are unable to. The only reason as to why I am still alive is because ctb is so hard. I hope that you find relief from your suffering.

I've been thinking of getting N as N will do the work I will just have to drink it. Thank you for your comment.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

You're not alone. I've been on this forum since 2018, I have both SN and N ready to go but here I am still talking. I feel very trapped and discouraged by my indecisiveness and cowardice as well. However this is not a competition, and it shouldn't be. We all have our own unique circumstances and challenges, and we navigate them at our own speed and judgement. No one can judge you on this biggest personal decision you'll ever make.