I Feel So Guilty About My Family

[Celerity]

I was just recently fired, and they're trying to be so supportive. My mom, a fellow alcoholic, is drinking because she's also upset by what has happened. I fear for what will happen to her if I kill myself.

I don't want to kill myself. I also don't see any other good way forward. I just wish I had never existed.

 

[chocolatebar]

I also feel so bad about my family, because they try so much to be supportive. However, they do it in a way that deprives me of all my freedom, and it's unbearable.

One thing that calms me a little is thinking that it's either I seeing them dead, or they seeing me dead. That's how nature works and, if you bring someone into this world, you are accepting the "rules".

 

[NormaJeane]

I was just recently fired, and they're trying to be so supportive. My mom, a fellow alcoholic, is drinking because she's also upset by what has happened. I fear for what will happen to her if I kill myself.

I don't want to kill myself. I also don't see any other good way forward. I just wish I had never existed.

How old are you? You can write to me. If you are only 20 you have your hole life in front of you.

 

[FuneralCry]

To end our own pain, it passes it on to others. I understand, it can be hard to deal with. I'm sorry you are suffering so much, it can be an awful feeling being trapped in a hopeless situation. I wish you well.

 

[Celerity]

How old are you? You can write to me. If you are only 20 you have your hole life in front of you.

28. In theory I do, but I think I need to be a different person to get out of this bind.

 

[BottomlessPit]

If you are only 20 you have your hole life in front of you.

for many that is exactly the reason why they want to ctb

I was just recently fired, and they're trying to be so supportive. My mom, a fellow alcoholic, is drinking because she's also upset by what has happened. I fear for what will happen to her if I kill myself.

I don't want to kill myself. I also don't see any other good way forward. I just wish I had never existed.

It's bullshit how we are brought into existence without our consent and now we can't even leave this shithole without affecting others around us.

 

[socrates]

I don't think it's ever good to stay alive for other people. It just leads you to resentment, they aren't owed anything. That being said I get the feeling. I'm not in your head and I can only imagine how trapped you feel. One thing to keep in mind is jobs come and go, Jobs are a dime a dozen especially right now (at least in the US). You say you need to be a different person to succeed and I can't why you can't become the person you want to be.

 

[Celerity]

I don't think it's ever good to stay alive for other people. It just leads you to resentment, they aren't owed anything. That being said I get the feeling. I'm not in your head and I can only imagine how trapped you feel. One thing to keep in mind is jobs come and go, Jobs are a dime a dozen especially right now (at least in the US). You say you need to be a different person to succeed and I can't why you can't become the person you want to be.

If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't be here. I'm not sure who I want to be, but it's not someone who nearly everyone hates and who always loses. I have nothing to aim for, just an endless list of traits that make me difficult. I know I'm being melodramatic, but I feel like people like me were placed on this earth to suffer. It's not fun to be contrarian, the lone wolf so to speak. It's not sexy. It's taking a lot of shit and suffering for it.

 

[socrates]

If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't be here. I'm not sure who I want to be, but it's not someone who nearly everyone hates and who always loses. I have nothing to aim for, just an endless list of traits that make me difficult. I know I'm being melodramatic, but I feel like people like me were placed on this earth to suffer. It's not fun to be contrarian, the lone wolf so to speak. It's not sexy. It's taking a lot of shit and suffering for it.

I think very few people know who they want to be and feel like failures unaccepted by the world. That doesn't take away from your suffering, but I don't think it's always a bad thing to not know where you are or what to aim for. Life can be a struggle. I just hope you find peace.