Help Should I try to end it before I start my job?

[m3nhera]

I had a rule for myself that if I got a job before the end of the summer I'd HAVE to live, but today many awful things happened and it reminded me that life isn't worth living at all.

And I'm also in a lot of pain, and so then it's like "oh just kill yourself then, so what if you have a job" but like it's FOR REAL LIKE MY FIRST REAL JOB FINALLY.

I'm not going to kill myself once I actually start working, it's inconsiderate to them and also inconvenient. I start in around two weeks. So my only chance to commit suicide is before I get the job, or else I'll really be stuck having to live.

It's just such a time crunch though, but if it's really the best option I could get research and planning done in time.

 

[selfsocio]

I had a rule for myself that if I got a job before the end of the summer I'd HAVE to live, but today many awful things happened and it reminded me that life isn't worth living at all.

And I'm also in a lot of pain, and so then it's like "oh just kill yourself then, so what if you have a job" but like it's FOR REAL LIKE MY FIRST REAL JOB FINALLY.

I'm not going to kill myself once I actually start working, it's inconsiderate to them and also inconvenient. I start in around two weeks. So my only chance to commit suicide is before I get the job, or else I'll really be stuck having to live.

It's just such a time crunch though, but if it's really the best option I could get research and planning done in time.

if its something you consider as a goal in your life, you should work towards it. death is no rush, and you wouldnt want to die missing out on something that could possibly lead you into a better outlook on your life. i wish you well.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

Maybe at least work this summer and see how u feel

 

[tospoon]

This job could be something that helps change things. There might be happiness. New people, new hope

 

[yume_]

Nobody is going to tell that you should end it ( or at least I hope so ).

I imagine you made that rule because you want to recover right? I think that if this job gives you hope and can help you to recover I think it is an good opportunity to try.

Also, two weeks is too short of a time imo

Sorry for your pain, hope things get better for you

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I don't think anyone would say yes. That would be considered suicide encouragement which isn't allowed here. I think you should just wait things out and see how they go. If they go well then that's great, and if things don't go how you wish for them to the option to ctb is still always there for you. I really hope your life improves for the better.

 

[redmourningdove]

I hope you forget about those awful things, that sounds terrible. I remember my first real job really gave me a sense of community and social importance, even if it frustrated me at first, which was sort of what ultimately convinced me life was worth living for now. With any luck, you'll have the same type of reckoning? I'm wishing the best for you, hopefully you feel much better once you actually start.

 

[m3nhera]

Nobody is going to tell that you should end it ( or at least I hope so ).

I imagine you made that rule because you want to recover right? I think that if this job gives you hope and can help you to recover I think it is an good opportunity to try.

Also, two weeks is too short of a time imo

Sorry for your pain, hope things get better for you

I made that rule because it was my way of keeping myself alive, but it was meant to give a chance for death too. Jobs are never guaranteed, so the rule is there so that if I didn't get one by the end of summer, I was free to ctb. I think a part of me was secretly hoping I'd end up with nothing so I could die in peace. But another part of me wants a job, because money and stuff lol. And maybe a really small part also wanted to live. It doesn't really give me hope. I'm still being abused, and life will suck regardless, and my parents could make me lose my job if they wanted, etc etc. Things won't get better but thanks anyway, everyone in the replies is making me feel like people care instead of how I'm usually treated(like I'm not even a person, that's how my family treats me). I considered calling the doctor but there's a lot of reasons I feel it would just create more problems for me.

I hope you forget about those awful things, that sounds terrible. I remember my first real job really gave me a sense of community and social importance, even if it frustrated me at first, which was sort of what ultimately convinced me life was worth living for now. With any luck, you'll have the same type of reckoning? I'm wishing the best for you, hopefully you feel much better once you actually start.

I'll never forget, I LIVE with "those awful things" haha. But this is inspiring, thank you :). I hope so too.

I don't think anyone would say yes. That would be considered suicide encouragement which isn't allowed here. I think you should just wait things out and see how they go. If they go well then that's great, and if things don't go how you wish for them to the option to ctb is still always there for you. I really hope your life improves for the better.

It's still my choice, I wouldn't do it just because someone says so if people are worried about that. I asked in the sense of like, what's in my best interest? Like what option leads to less suffering? I think even if someone said yes, hopefully it wouldn't be of malicious intent, but rather the reasons I mentioned earlier. Anyways thank you :) you are all so kind. I'm sorry life has pushed us to a suicide forum.

Maybe at least work this summer and see how u feel

But if I feel bad, there's nothing I can do. I can only kill myself before the start date.

if its something you consider as a goal in your life, you should work towards it. death is no rush, and you wouldnt want to die missing out on something that could possibly lead you into a better outlook on your life. i wish you well.

Death is a rush to me. I sometimes want it sooner than later. I wish you well too, and yeah getting a job was one of my goals this year. Getting my license before my 19th birthday is a goal of mine too, so hopefully I get it soon. I feel so late to the party, all my classmates already drive.