Venting I cannot access the method I want but I also feel enraged at life.

[umiii99]

My famly situation keeps getting worse and worse... I can't find a job cus mental illness... I'm beyond stressed. I want to end it but my mother never leaves home and I share a room with my brother, who only lays in bed all day doing nothing. The only method at hand is jumping from a 16th storey but I won't lie, it scares me. I feel utterly out of control and I can't even be in control how I choose to go out. Talk about fucking demoralizing... I'm so angry. I just wanna hang myself. That's it. Why is everything so hard? Everything.

I'm also recovering from an ED and just today my mother pointed out I've gained weight back (as you do in recovery) and you know what? I'll stop eating for as long as I can to encapsulate these emotions. I might as well. Fuck this shit.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know that it can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. Jumping also scares me, I have a fear of heights. More than anything I wish it was easier to ctb, it is frustrating how difficult it is to leave this world. This life is so depressing. I wish you the best.

 

[ikadasui]

My famly situation keeps getting worse and worse... I can't find a job cus mental illness... I'm beyond stressed. I want to end it but my mother never leaves home and I share a room with my brother, who only lays in bed all day doing nothing. The only method at hand is jumping from a 16th storey but I won't lie, it scares me. I feel utterly out of control and I can't even be in control how I choose to go out. Talk about fucking demoralizing... I'm so angry. I just wanna hang myself. That's it. Why is everything so hard? Everything.

I'm also recovering from an ED and just today my mother pointed out I've gained weight back (as you do in recovery) and you know what? I'll stop eating for as long as I can to encapsulate these emotions. I might as well. Fuck this shit.

Sounds like hell I'm sorry you're in that situation. I can relate with the ED thing at least I don't feel comfortable unless I physically burn 500 cals a day and then I very closely monitor my food.

 

[umiii99]

I'm sorry you are going through this, I know that it can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. Jumping also scares me, I have a fear of heights. More than anything I wish it was easier to ctb, it is frustrating how difficult it is to leave this world. This life is so depressing. I wish you the best.

Thanks a lot for the sympathy, I needed that

Sounds like hell I'm sorry you're in that situation. I can relate with the ED thing at least I don't feel comfortable unless I physically burn 500 cals a day and then I very closely monitor my food.

Oh god yeah, I've had exercise addiction in the past and it's such a pain in the ass
... the only upside is that it kept me from wallowing in negative emotions because I was always moving around to burn calories. Kinda funny in retrospect honestly.