Venting I am a bad person because I keep pussying out.

[12345six]

I just failed again after 2 hours of trying, I have a way to do it that I know will kill me, but I keep pussying out. I started recording myself because of what someone suggested in a previous thread and Its both good and bad because I can film like a video note for my freinds and family but also I end up just talking to myself for 10 minutes at a time.

I always hated hypocrites, and I believe I should die, and since I keep pussying out there for im a hypocrite. Furthermore if im a hypocrite on that my hate for hypocrites is hypocritical in itself. I really just fucking hate myself I just cant take it anymore.

My neck hurts still from my last post and I know that Tonight will only make it hurt more, I was trying so much that I can still feel the nuse around my neck, and it feels like I have sore throat whenever I swallow. I think its partially karma though, I couldnt put up with the pain of hanging myself for 30 seconds so I have to deal with this for (hopefully only) a week. I believe that I need to wait until after this pain fades to do it.

Thank you for reading, if you have any tips for the neck pain please share it, or if you have any tips to fight SI that would also be greatly appreciated.

 

[itsgone2]

You're not a bad person for it. I understand the frustration though. I've been in that exact spot. I hope you have peace one day.

 

[LastNite]

Ibuprofen + Acetaminophen should help ease the neck pain. Dont take too much though. Take it as recommended and take care of yourself <3

 

[Jadeith]

Nope, you are not a bad person. Survival instinct is not pussying out. Neither is inability to overcome it. Our bodies were build to survive after all and there's nothing hypocritic about it. Hypocrisy would be preaching that all hoomins must die while actively preserving yourself. You wanted to go and you tried to go. You failed, true, but you tried. Lack of success in this extremely difficult task doesn't make you a hypocrite.