Nevnevermind
💸
- Dec 11, 2024
- 3
I'm honestly so fucking tired of being sober/clean. I hate not being sober as well, because I feel like a cringe loser but I hate more not having anything to use to cope with what I've been dealing with.
I've quit smoking and cutting. And drink way less because my bf gets upset over it. And at first it was fine. I pushed threw withdrawals and the itch of wanting to cut (although I did relapse once in a while)(sh)) but so much keeps happening to me lately that I'm just overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feelings. I have no one to turn to.
I currently only have my bf basically. I have my mom but any emotions that not positive she'll get angry or complain.
I keep just daydreaming about killing myself but I'm just so scared of the pain now. I had many failures, so I kinda know the pain I'll feel.
I hate my boyfriend, I'm also obsessed with him but I hate him. Everything is basically all about sex, at least that how I personally feel like how it is. I can be telling him how I don't wanna have any type of intimacy because I just survived a attempt or x y and z.. but 2 minutes later he'll be taking his pants off and I just feel like it be awkward to just say no at that point. I'll even tell him I'll only suck him off and I don't want to be touched. It still happens.
And I'm always finding myself feeling confused over how I feel about it. Like I'll be upset and fed up over it but part of me likes it because of a cnc kink I have. But now that I put more thought over it, I hate it. Even tho I like it a little bit, it's still just not right.
At work I helped a friend get hired. At first it was fun and he was chill. But the moment I got a manager position (full time) he slowly became more negative and whiny over everything. And got upset because I didn't hangout with him anymore.
We also used to drink together but he got so drunk he put his hand over my crotch and keep saying how lucky my bf was cus I had a nice pussy and a warm one. I told him what happened the next day and he said he would get another job and talk to me less... He ended up leaving the job he found and stayed at the job where we where together and only got more annoying and clingy.
I told my bf about what happened between me and my "friend". Barley got a reaction.
Idk what I'm gonna do
I've quit smoking and cutting. And drink way less because my bf gets upset over it. And at first it was fine. I pushed threw withdrawals and the itch of wanting to cut (although I did relapse once in a while)(sh)) but so much keeps happening to me lately that I'm just overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feelings. I have no one to turn to.
I currently only have my bf basically. I have my mom but any emotions that not positive she'll get angry or complain.
I keep just daydreaming about killing myself but I'm just so scared of the pain now. I had many failures, so I kinda know the pain I'll feel.
I hate my boyfriend, I'm also obsessed with him but I hate him. Everything is basically all about sex, at least that how I personally feel like how it is. I can be telling him how I don't wanna have any type of intimacy because I just survived a attempt or x y and z.. but 2 minutes later he'll be taking his pants off and I just feel like it be awkward to just say no at that point. I'll even tell him I'll only suck him off and I don't want to be touched. It still happens.
And I'm always finding myself feeling confused over how I feel about it. Like I'll be upset and fed up over it but part of me likes it because of a cnc kink I have. But now that I put more thought over it, I hate it. Even tho I like it a little bit, it's still just not right.
At work I helped a friend get hired. At first it was fun and he was chill. But the moment I got a manager position (full time) he slowly became more negative and whiny over everything. And got upset because I didn't hangout with him anymore.
We also used to drink together but he got so drunk he put his hand over my crotch and keep saying how lucky my bf was cus I had a nice pussy and a warm one. I told him what happened the next day and he said he would get another job and talk to me less... He ended up leaving the job he found and stayed at the job where we where together and only got more annoying and clingy.
I told my bf about what happened between me and my "friend". Barley got a reaction.
Idk what I'm gonna do
