FireFox
Enlightened
- Apr 8, 2020
- 1,920
Hello everyone i took a break from Sanctioned Suicide to try and give life another chance. I got a distinction in my law masters dissertation and after getting my final law grades I went travelling to Italy and Switzerland. In my final term of university I met my ever first boyfriend at 28 ( now ex) and his masters was in heritage management MA . I am 5ft and underweight as result of my eating disorder while my boyfriend let's call him X is 6ft 4in tall, lifts weights regularly and he was 23. I didnt care because I liked how he was funny and liked museums like me. I saw him as an equal but he saw me as a woman beneath him. His was spoiled rich mamas boy whose stuck up parents never taught him any responsibility and respect. 6 weeks into our at a public lunch X made a misogynist comment about his dead paternal grandmother and when I told him his behaviour was wrong his mum was defending him and she spoke down to me in a preachy tone. X let his mum put me down during the entire lunch while keeping quiet.
I was very open with him early in our relationship I never had a boyfriend and sex. X has had girlfriends and an active sex life before meeting me I admit i found it intimidating he knew more about sex than me. In our relationship he kept putting pressure on me to have sex. 1 week into our relationship he said " Losing your virginity is so worth it " and proposed a pratice run for sex. I said NO and he was not happy. When x is angry he always goes silent Iits scary
Every time I wanted to stop kissing he wants to continue and I went along because i didnt want to be the rejected woman again. Kissing and touching stopped when he decided it was over, Two months into our relationship he kept finding secluded spots in deep public London parks to sexually touch me and undress me. I couldn't understand how he was so confident underssing me outside and domaint in touching me. The worst if it was at a musuem garden when he asked to see my breasts all I just wanted was enjoy my hobby with my boyfriend. I began to get these embrassing episodes when he tried to pull me closer to him me involuntarily scream things " you are not wearing a condom " and he stops.
It finally got dangerous 3 weeks before Christmas. I organised an afternoon date for us to visit an enormous oriental food hall market during Christmas the food hall is decorated with a beautiful WinterWonderland village and afterwards the plan was to take him to a luxury shopping centre. I wore a velvet burgundy dress with my favourite pink shoes. I felt like a Disney princess and all I ever wanted was boyfriend to take to nice places and love everyday. The arsehole knew the PLAN and towards the end of the date it was starting to get dark. He kept pressing to go to a park. I said NO several times but he refused to let it go. He was always obessed with visiting this park in our relationship.
The park had NO lights and NO direction signs. The time we arrived it was total darkness. At the gate I warned him this is not safe because I saw there was deep mud everywhere. He kept pressing. I saw a map on his phone and I had no idea where it came from.
I said yes because I was fed up and tired. He didn't hold my hand and continuously walked far ahead of me. The entire park surface was slippery and deep mud puddles were everywhere. I got stuck in the darkness. I couldn't leave the park because there was NO exit signs and the park had different paths that took you deeper into the park. I had to get myself out and luckily found him. The park had a beautiful light view and The arsehole now wants to sexually touch me and doesn't care how scared I was being separated from him. My body froze for a bit when he touched me underneath my dress and I had an embrassing episode and screamed involvarlity things again because I panicked when he tried to pull closer to him on the bench.. I was lucky dog walkers came and I spotted him
I was confused and distressed meanwhile he asked me how would I feel if he got with another woman. I realised I scared him away with my embrassing episodes. He did buy tissues for my ruined shoes and he kissed me when I waited for the bus. He does care
At home my family were furious I came home muddy and blamed me for not saying NO. I tried to explain but my mum was screaming " he wanted to do 1 more thing thats how you get killed " and my grandmother is siding with her saying I should I have said NO. X gaslight me asking why didnt I say no ? He was furious at me for telling my family we visited a dark park in Winter. I was punished for his idea. The tissues now began to make sense.
Telling my family he sexually assaulted me was not an option because my family in the past victim women for getting raped they say " why did she walk home at 5.00am in park" etc
We are not together anymore because he cared about the opinions of his racist white parents who were embrassed their son was dating a black woman from a working class migrant family, his past girlfriends were rich and white like him. He dumped me because he wanted a girlfriend to make his social status look good and he was saw me as an embrassimg girlfriend who made him look bad. Before our breakup he was furious I refused to sleep with him and spent the relationship punishing me over my decision to say NO because I wanted to take time. He gulit tripped over it and was so cruel. He even complained that he was used to getting sex from women who were his past girlfriends.
I was very open with him early in our relationship I never had a boyfriend and sex. X has had girlfriends and an active sex life before meeting me I admit i found it intimidating he knew more about sex than me. In our relationship he kept putting pressure on me to have sex. 1 week into our relationship he said " Losing your virginity is so worth it " and proposed a pratice run for sex. I said NO and he was not happy. When x is angry he always goes silent Iits scary
Every time I wanted to stop kissing he wants to continue and I went along because i didnt want to be the rejected woman again. Kissing and touching stopped when he decided it was over, Two months into our relationship he kept finding secluded spots in deep public London parks to sexually touch me and undress me. I couldn't understand how he was so confident underssing me outside and domaint in touching me. The worst if it was at a musuem garden when he asked to see my breasts all I just wanted was enjoy my hobby with my boyfriend. I began to get these embrassing episodes when he tried to pull me closer to him me involuntarily scream things " you are not wearing a condom " and he stops.
It finally got dangerous 3 weeks before Christmas. I organised an afternoon date for us to visit an enormous oriental food hall market during Christmas the food hall is decorated with a beautiful WinterWonderland village and afterwards the plan was to take him to a luxury shopping centre. I wore a velvet burgundy dress with my favourite pink shoes. I felt like a Disney princess and all I ever wanted was boyfriend to take to nice places and love everyday. The arsehole knew the PLAN and towards the end of the date it was starting to get dark. He kept pressing to go to a park. I said NO several times but he refused to let it go. He was always obessed with visiting this park in our relationship.
The park had NO lights and NO direction signs. The time we arrived it was total darkness. At the gate I warned him this is not safe because I saw there was deep mud everywhere. He kept pressing. I saw a map on his phone and I had no idea where it came from.
I said yes because I was fed up and tired. He didn't hold my hand and continuously walked far ahead of me. The entire park surface was slippery and deep mud puddles were everywhere. I got stuck in the darkness. I couldn't leave the park because there was NO exit signs and the park had different paths that took you deeper into the park. I had to get myself out and luckily found him. The park had a beautiful light view and The arsehole now wants to sexually touch me and doesn't care how scared I was being separated from him. My body froze for a bit when he touched me underneath my dress and I had an embrassing episode and screamed involvarlity things again because I panicked when he tried to pull closer to him on the bench.. I was lucky dog walkers came and I spotted him
I was confused and distressed meanwhile he asked me how would I feel if he got with another woman. I realised I scared him away with my embrassing episodes. He did buy tissues for my ruined shoes and he kissed me when I waited for the bus. He does care
At home my family were furious I came home muddy and blamed me for not saying NO. I tried to explain but my mum was screaming " he wanted to do 1 more thing thats how you get killed " and my grandmother is siding with her saying I should I have said NO. X gaslight me asking why didnt I say no ? He was furious at me for telling my family we visited a dark park in Winter. I was punished for his idea. The tissues now began to make sense.
Telling my family he sexually assaulted me was not an option because my family in the past victim women for getting raped they say " why did she walk home at 5.00am in park" etc
We are not together anymore because he cared about the opinions of his racist white parents who were embrassed their son was dating a black woman from a working class migrant family, his past girlfriends were rich and white like him. He dumped me because he wanted a girlfriend to make his social status look good and he was saw me as an embrassimg girlfriend who made him look bad. Before our breakup he was furious I refused to sleep with him and spent the relationship punishing me over my decision to say NO because I wanted to take time. He gulit tripped over it and was so cruel. He even complained that he was used to getting sex from women who were his past girlfriends.
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