How long have you been suicidal? Do you feel like life is going by fast or slow for you?

[Gamelle]

I'm 29. Been like this since I was a kid off and on. But this latest bout has been for about a year or so and is incredibly intense and seems like it will last much longer than all the other phases. I think this is the permanent one. Still can't do it for another 10-20 years but I'm not as hopeful that the longing will go away. Life has gone by incredibly slow for me. I feel like I'm 70 years old.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I'm 25, I've also been suicidal off and on my entire life with this year being the hardest (since April 2024). Once I got out of the hospital I pursued getting an exit bag setup as It was my dream to commit suicide at the time. As time went on it stopped being my dream and started becoming something I felt like I needed to do because I can't pursue any kind of life. Then it stayed like that for awhile. It feels like life has been going real fast for me, a year is already up and months have passed by. I can't believe it to be honest, but it is the way it is.

 

[Griever]

I have been suicidal for years

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

In first grade I told my mother I wished to have never been born.

It is tempting to say I have never wanted to live, but that is disingenuous. Truthfully I am suicidal out of necessity.

 

[F@#$]

I've been wanting to die for decades.

 

[divinemistress87]

22 years but especially the past 5 years going by slow

 

[everosity]

like 17 years now

 

[DarkShadows]

About 8 years. I've been depressed longer and struggled throughout life. Everything has always been more difficult for me.

Life is going by fast for me. 2020 doesn't feel like five years ago. A year doesn't feel long anymore. I don't really do anything. I don't have a job and sleep for like half the day and once I manage to get out of bed I usually just do low effort stuff like watch tv. Nothing really changes.

 

[ExistHarm]

22 years old. i had first suicide thoughts at like 10 maybe. yeah...

 

[hereornot]

About 10 years ago

 

[Enigma25]

24! (25 soon lol)
Always been this way. It's just hard to pretend I DONT wanna go now. I'm done really. (Please dm me if you know anything about SN)

 

[enditplz]

Since I was a kid. I would have random moments of feeling really depressed for no reason and it'd usually go away after sleeping, so probably some chemical imbalance in my brain. I'm 35 now and the feeling is more intense than ever. No amount of therapy and anti-depressants have been able make it go away.

 

[OneLove]

My first attempt was at 13, I'm 42 now. I've been dealing with thoughts of suicide on and off my whole life as well. While there have been mostly really terrible years, there have been some happy ones, too, which I am immensely grateful for. But I know things are not going to change for me…and for the last 2 years or so, the desire to no longer exist is stronger than it's ever been. It consumes my daily thoughts. My goal is to ctb before the end of August.

I've found that the years tend to feel slower when you're younger and move faster the older you get…just not fast enough!

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have been on earth a while, have lived twice as Long as some of those above. I have toyed with suicide since I was young, but didn't start making real attempts till 10 years ago. Those memories were blocked until 2 years ago when I had to deal with them raw dog by myself. It hasn't been pretty, but nor were the events that put me there.

 

[waitin2go]

Passive suicidal since I could remember (age 36). Got a teeny bit better in college, but came back with a vengeance on final year college, continued pretty much throughout with sporadic short breaks in between. sometimes I get a good 2weeks when I'm not wishing I was dead, or an occasional month.

Jan this year I finally decided, but chickening out because of SI, and fear of failing from not having full protocol (SN was my choice; was practicing night-night to no avail)

 

[unworthy_]

Since I joined this forum. I am luckier of the bunch I guess because I did not feel suicidal before 30y. After 30y, things started to go downhill in every aspect of life. It never got better. Life is stagnant.
As a woman, I lost values as I am approaching 40y. It has been a decade for me. This decade is hell on earth.

 

[mourningyesterday]

first ideation around 5 yrs ago, but it wasn't serious until the past couple years when my heath and life kept getting worse

 

[Geodude77]

I'm 23 (almost 24). I've been suicidal for around 4 years (although it's technically been less than that since I did have a very brief "things are gonna get better" arc). Within that time I've been living with undiagnosed issues and have been dealing with isolation partially as a result. I've never had any attempts just thoughts.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've always wanted to not exist and it's all I could hope for, I just don't find it desirable to exist at all and I see human existence as such a cruel, torturous burden that just feels like a mistake to me, more than anything I just wish I never had to suffer and I find it the most dreadful, terrible tragedy how this existence was even imposed at all causing all this harm and suffering as a result. It feels like I've suffered for so long and I'd just never wish for the suffering and cruelty of existing, this existence is going far too slow, I just find it so painful to exist. I always suffer from how I cannot just have a death like never waking ever again to finally escape from the suffering of existing, I find it so horrific how a human can suffer for so long just to face way worse agony and torture, I'd just never wish to suffer in this existence rather all I hope for is the peace of an eternal sleep where all is finally gone and there is no more pain and no more suffering.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I think its a blur. How much does it even matter? Maybe at points I cared, but not to much for good sections. Life is in the eye of the holder.

 

[bankai]

To be honest, I feel like my life is going by really fast. I mean 2024 anyone? We're almost six months into this year and I feel life is just hurtling by at an insane pace.I've been suicidal for around six years at least now. I've been serious about it for maybe a couple of years now, and then I started visiting Sanctioned Suicide to really start doing the research and getting down to the nitty gritty. Hopefully I can really commit soon and pull the trigger.

 

[kunikuzushi]

On and off for the past 16 or 17 years. Constant for the past 7 years. I don't know how fast or slow life feels because every day feels unbearably slow like torture, but I also feel like I don't know how I've gone through so many years already.

 

[matchalavendercake]

i've been suicidal starting on late 2019 during my time at middle school, i felt so terribly insecure at that place and i also started getting less motivated to finish assignments which got worse when covid lockdown happened

then on late 2020 my family got super mad at me after nearly two weeks of not attending online classes but i was only not attending because of how anxious i've gotten, they were yelling at me so much and i just felt so terrified that i was actually considering attempting suicide and even wrote a suicide note. i think them telling me i need to turn my camera on and speak is what made me wanna try attempting suicide, i really did not want to do any of that which is why i wasn't attending. but i was so naive thinking taking a bunch of random pills would take me out, and that makes me kind of glad i ended up not attempting because i felt uncertain about what may or may not happen. i know i would've been feeling even more terrified if that attempt failed and then getting taken to the mental hospital against my will. my problem did end up getting kind of resolved when i stopped getting forced to turn on my camera and speak, but i was still feeling pretty anxious anyway and still sometimes got kicked out by one of my classes

but on 2021 my life started getting more downhill when i found myself feeling way too scared to go to in-person classes again, and i begged my parents so much to let me stay home. i was told i was gonna do independent learning, but that never happened so i got confused and then again so terrified the moment my parents mentioned in-person classes and i considered contacting a hotline. eventually nothing ended up happening, so i was not doing anything school related at all since then and still to this day. i do not feel any bad about that, i just stopped caring and just hope i will just drop out, because either way i've already been knowing i'll just be way too afraid to ever function in this cruel hellhole of a universe. but my parents still bring that up every now and then, and i break down in tears everytime they do and i refuse to ever change my ways

now on 2025 i am way much more suicidal than ever, things got way even worse and i really truly do feel like i cannot handle being here any longer, everything genuinely hurts and there hasn't ever been a day where i'm not constantly stressed the fuck out. so i just really hope i will finally be able to escape from this body i've been trapped in, and i better escape soon

oh and i feel like life is going on fast, but i don't care i just need to finally be free, that's all i need now.

 

[inhabitinglots]

since i was around 8, when i learned what sex was. my first attempt was at 9. i dont wanna say my age or anything but i will say i am an adult now and have been for a while. it comes and goes somewhat but its normally pretty intense or passive at best

 

[Ligottian]

I've suffered from anxiety and depression since my late 20's. I'm in some serious suicidal trauma now. Also had a suicidal period in my late 30's. Something goes wrong every day now it seems.

 

[imjustamtfgirl]

Im 24 and have been suffering in varying degrees since i was 10. Thats been a very quick feeling 14 years of mental and chronic illness

 

[Bad Ending]

Very slow