How things are going, I haven’t been active for a while

[burninghill]

I was on this site for multiple hours nightly for a while and I've dropped off a bit.

Honestly it's just because I was getting really into Overwatch haha. The fixation has ended now though and I'm back to being depressed, it's great how a video game can do that.
I told my friend I wasn't that interested in playing anymore and they said they were 'scared of what I'll do' if I stop playing it (yes it has become that deep lmao).

I've been a really bad partner recently, super irritable towards my incredibly patient boyfriend. I'm not saying this to sound pitiful, but I genuinely do not know what he sees in me. I'm not very nice, I'm not the most attractive person and I'm nowhere near as affectionate as I think he'd like. He always tells me how much he's thinking of me and that he misses me, so I know he loves me I just don't understand at all.
I always always always apologise but I know that doesn't make it okay.

This is a consistent problem with me, I really struggle to understand what people see when they want to be around me. Friendships feel one sided but moreso in favour of me, I have a lot of friends who love me but I feel so insecure to the point where I reject them and so they're making an effort to connect with me whereas I'm not making an effort to connect with them.

I've also been thinking about uni recently. I'm transferring courses and will be repeating third year doing Painting and Drawing in September but I really don't want to. It all feels so so pointless. I have no passion or energy left, but I also don't have active suicidal ideation anymore.

Things just feel tiring more than anything, I just am so tired of myself and my life. I'm lazy, demotivated, I can barely keep up with hygiene, and I'm an asshole. What more could you want lmao. I've been sleeping at 4-7 am and waking up at 4pm, except I have to set an alarm around 1pm because my mum asks if I'm okay if she doesn't hear me get lunch.

 

[FF777]

you seem cool.. maybe you just need to try to raise up your self-confidence a little bit..

as for the game fixation... my philosophy on it is that people weren't really made to live in little boxes and do nothing all day, and so it can cause a person to start comtemplating their own life too much and their feelings if they aren't given things or projects to work on.. A video game is kind of an easy way to give your mind a project to work on and goals to keep you feeling like you have some type of purpose.. i fracking love video games (i play nintendo ones mostly like the marios and zeldas (especially BOTW which i have over 1000 hours on)..

but so, i know video games aren't real life, but so maybe you could try to find some type of projects or goals to work towards in real life some how? like (just random things i'm thinking) trying to start a business/company together with a friend or partner, or coding games together, or making videos together (or streaming maybe).. or just what ever.. and if none of that is really taking off yet then i guess you could at least keep sticking to playing games with your friends for the time being just to give you some thing to work on so you don't feel so lonely or bored..

oh by the way, how ever lazy you become about your hygiene, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH (like twice a day, when you wake up and right before bed)... or you will regret it later in life when you start getting cavities and tooth pain.. severe tooth pain is one of the worst pains possible in my opinion..

 

[nettspend]

Do you play ranked? I thought overwatch was dead af

 

[SASU-KE]

Ah,overwatch!I I put a lot of time into that game. Video games are a great distraction. Unfortunately, I had to give them up because they just took too much of my time.

I got really good at Sombra of all characters towards the end. Here's a pic of my Funko Pop.

 

[Secro]

Perhaps others see something that you don't see in yourself?
It also seems that your problem is more likely your energy level; try things that give you energy, like eating well, and doing sports, etc.

 

[burninghill]

you seem cool.. maybe you just need to try to raise up your self-confidence a little bit..

as for the game fixation... my philosophy on it is that people weren't really made to live in little boxes and do nothing all day, and so it can cause a person to start comtemplating their own life too much and their feelings if they aren't given things or projects to work on.. A video game is kind of an easy way to give your mind a project to work on and goals to keep you feeling like you have some type of purpose.. i fracking love video games (i play nintendo ones mostly like the marios and zeldas (especially BOTW which i have over 1000 hours on)..

but so, i know video games aren't real life, but so maybe you could try to find some type of projects or goals to work towards in real life some how? like (just random things i'm thinking) trying to start a business/company together with a friend or partner, or coding games together, or making videos together (or streaming maybe).. or just what ever.. and if none of that is really taking off yet then i guess you could at least keep sticking to playing games with your friends for the time being just to give you some thing to work on so you don't feel so lonely or bored..

oh by the way, how ever lazy you become about your hygiene, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH (like twice a day, when you wake up and right before bed)... or you will regret it later in life when you start getting cavities and tooth pain.. severe tooth pain is one of the worst pains possible in my opinion..

I used to be an artist but I don't really keep up with it anymore honestly, I have some homework to do for my next year at uni which I'll probably cram into the day before. I'm quite scared or engaging in my hobbies again, though recently I have been wanting to crochet a cardigan, so maybe I'll get back into that once I have the money.

BOTW is beautiful. I put a few hours into it around lockdown and it was great, though I didn't get very far at all LMAO. I'm not very good at video games generally and I usually play multiplayer.

Luckily my teeth are the only thing I keep up with. I really appreciate your concern and advice!! I have really really weak teeth and have had complications with them since I was little so I'm very uptight about keeping them clean. Been slipping a bit recently but I'm still putting in the effort.
Tooth pain IS horrible. It's even worse because 80% of the time medicine doesn't help either.

Ah,overwatch!I I put a lot of time into that game. Video games are a great distraction. Unfortunately, I had to give them up because they just took too much of my time.

I got really good at Sombra of all characters towards the end. Here's a pic of my Funko Pop.

View attachment 204469

I love playing sombra but hate playing against her LMAO. She's fine when I'm on DPS but she really tests my aim when I'm playing Lifeweaver. I'm cooked if I can't mow her down.

Do you play ranked? I thought overwatch was dead af

Overwatch is still super populated, met a lot of nice people on there. I do play ranked and I'm currently trying to climb my way out of bronze LMAO. It's hard to do when you're solo queuing as support, you depend a lot on your team.

 

[The Disqualified]

I was on this site for multiple hours nightly for a while and I've dropped off a bit.

Hi.
I am glad to see you.
It can be a good thing to stay off this site if you feel so.

I am also not that active currently, but I am here, and have met great people in here, truthfully.

Honestly it's just because I was getting really into Overwatch haha. The fixation has ended now though and I'm back to being depressed, it's great how a video game can do that.
I told my friend I wasn't that interested in playing anymore and they said they were 'scared of what I'll do' if I stop playing it (yes it has become that deep lmao).

Hahahaha. I see :)

You know, I used to play Overwatch, the first one, when I was a teen... you brought back the memories now...
Sometimes I get fixated into videogames and fiction... but I don't play much of anything these days...

I see you are depressed again, but it's a good thing that your friend is worried about you; it seems you have people around you who care about you.

I've been a really bad partner recently, super irritable towards my incredibly patient boyfriend. I'm not saying this to sound pitiful, but I genuinely do not know what he sees in me. I'm not very nice, I'm not the most attractive person and I'm nowhere near as affectionate as I think he'd like. He always tells me how much he's thinking of me and that he misses me, so I know he loves me I just don't understand at all.
I always always always apologise but I know that doesn't make it okay.

I see.

You really seem to praise your boyfriend a lot around here haha.
He really seems like a nice fella.

On a serious note, you seem to be reflecting a lot about how you act and how others treat you. That's important.

This is a consistent problem with me, I really struggle to understand what people see when they want to be around me. Friendships feel one sided but moreso in favour of me

Perhaps because they like you?
You seem like... an interesting person. I could see myself chatting with you.
It is hard to describe people, but you do remind me of Asuka in a way lol. I don't know why. Perhaps you chose her as your profile picture because you saw a bit of yourself in her.

, I have a lot of friends who love me but I feel so insecure to the point where I reject them and so they're making an effort to connect with me whereas I'm not making an effort to connect with them.

It is a good thing you have friends.
You had told me you were an extrovert and liked talking to people. Nothing wrong with that.

Why do you feel insecure? Perhaps most people don't know the real 'you'. I know most people don't know the real 'me'.

I realized that putting in the effort to connect and care with others is important.
Do you listen to what people say? Do you ask them questions, like 'How was your day'?
I know sometimes I want to be alone, but I also realized that I need to care about other people and stop running away from them and isolating myself.
I started to reflect on those things.

I've also been thinking about uni recently. I'm transferring courses and will be repeating third year doing Painting and Drawing in September but I really don't want to. It all feels so so pointless. I have no passion or energy left, but I also don't have active suicidal ideation anymore.

I am really glad to hear that you are not actively suicidal right now.

I hear you. I have also felt like that in uni many times.
I like my degree though; I just need to find meaning to continue sometimes.

Do you like painting and drawing?
I remember you talking about your paintings haha. They seemed... avant-garde—that's the term.

Things just feel tiring more than anything, I just am so tired of myself and my life. I'm lazy, demotivated, I can barely keep up with hygiene, and I'm an asshole. What more could you want lmao.

Hahaha.
You are roasting yourself :)

I hear you though... it seems you are in a depressive state as well. I know how it feels.

I've been sleeping at 4-7 am and waking up at 4pm, except I have to set an alarm around 1pm because my mum asks if I'm okay if she doesn't hear me get lunch.

I see. That's a big problem. Sleep is very important, and I learned that the hard way.
I never slept well all my life, and it really has taken a toll on me.

I used to do the same around last year; it was a form of self-harm.

Recently though, for the last month or so, I have really been taking care of my sleep.
Now I sleep some 9pm and wake up 5am.

If you don't sleep properly then your mood gets all over the place, you know.
Hygiene and eating is very important as well. I hope you are having lunch and taking care of yourself; you deserve that.

It is nice that your mom checks on you. That seems sweet, you know.

Are you on mental health services currently? That could help you.

I remember you used to drink a lot. I hope you are feeling better now.

I am here to talk if needed.
Sending virtual hugs.