How do I learn to live with uncertainty

[bl33ding_heart]

I seriously can't stand not knowing things for certain. My mind will circle around them for days and drive me insane. I'd prefer to spare details. But there was this weird and sort of unexpected thing I came across today, and I was uncertain of things regarding it. It was triggering my bpd and driving me insane, and I've been feeling uneasy and very mentally unwell all day. I don't know what to do. Trying to seek out confirmation would be very difficult and likely impossible for me anyways as of now. And it wouldn't benefit me in the long run anyways. Sometimes you won't be 100% sure of things even if they are very emotionally taxing, and you have to get used to that. And learn to live with it. But how? It feels impossible, and I genuinely have no idea what to do. Bpd and ocd is truly a horrifying combination, because my ocd enhances the rumination of thoughts on the specific things that trigger my bpd.

 

[mutsu]

i wish i could offer you advice but i often struggle with the same, there is closure i never got from people and there are things i see sometimes that i wish i could know more about since they trigger my bpd, but asking or trying to find out more would be so incredibly awkward and at the rate that i split i would lose the few friends i still have,,,

uncertainty eats away at me until i eventually forget about it but that can take anywhere from days to months, usually months

i hope you can find ways to cope with the struggle, i wish you luck

 

[BradGuy123]

I am going through the same thing. I don't want to get too specific because I'm dealing with two major unknown things right now that are very nuanced and if I spelled them out anyone who knows me would be able to identify me. These two thing are major areas of my life that are uncertain. My mind keeps playing out all these scenarios in my head and the ones I dwell on are the most catastrophic outcomes. I'm trying to live in today (the outcome is not known yet - I don't have all the facts) and it is likely that the outcome of these situations won't be as bad as I am imagining them to be.

 

[coolcow1289]

I deal with it by making firm choices and sticking with them. Uncertainty can only get you if you entertain it. Just be certain.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I am going through the same thing. I don't want to get too specific because I'm dealing with two major unknown things right now that are very nuanced and if I spelled them out anyone who knows me would be able to identify me. These two thing are major areas of my life that are uncertain. My mind keeps playing out all these scenarios in my head and the ones I dwell on are the most catastrophic outcomes. I'm trying to live in today (the outcome is not known yet - I don't have all the facts) and it is likely that the outcome of these situations won't be as bad as I am imagining them to be.

It's also making me play out fake scenarios in my head of unwanted outcomes coming true and making me so extremely paranoid. I hope you find some peace from your mental turmoil.

 

[diealegend24]

I think I'll be stuck with OCD until the day I leave this earth. Idk how to accept uncertainty.

 

[Mrs. T-800]

I take it two ways and I find both have helped me a lot.

1. The time will pass regardless ("this too shall pass")
2. I don't know what will come next, but I am curious what does

I literally got the second from a book on how to survive losing love. (In my case, I take it to mean a love of life). Okay, they got me with that chapter. "Aren't you just a little bit curious about what might happen next?"

The first helps me a lot. The next minute will come, and stuff will happen in them. The same for the hours, days, weeks... just keep to repeat it.

Are there any low-stakes things you can begin with? Or, if not improve on over time, manage uncertainty about so you can make use of coping skills? Like, not answering texts for a few hours (if someone truly needs you, they will call you, or find a way) or leaving a grocery list at home and choosing on the fly what you need?

 

[Forever Sleep]

If it's concerning other people- trying to predict how they will act/ how they feel- I suppose I've experienced enough in life to realise that people- even very close people are notoriously unreliable.

The way I try to look at it is- be grateful if they show up and act in a way that's supportive to you but, don't be surprised if they don't and- don't necessarily rely on it/ them.

If it's more vague- not knowing/ being able to accurately predict future events. I suppose all we can do is to prepare ourselves as best we can. Try to increase the probability of the desired outcome happening. But then- to also be realistic about it and have contingency plans if things go wrong.

 

[foreverfalling]

If there's nothing you can do about it, then there's no point in worrying, the only thing to do is accept the outcome. Do what you can and then let it play out.

We may suddenly die tomorrow, then nothing would matter.

Ruminating is the mind trying to prepare for all the possible outcomes of the event. But it's only useful up to a certain point, you can't possibly predict and prepare for everything. You can only deal with the situation when you arrive at it.

 

[BradGuy123]

It's also making me play out fake scenarios in my head of unwanted outcomes coming true and making me so extremely paranoid. I hope you find some peace from your mental turmoil.

Thank you so much for your reply and your kinds words. It means a lot to me. I've struggled with this my whole life. I hear inspirational quotes and things from the religious institutions I attend that help for a while but I always end up going back to the same old pattern of thinking. I wish you peace as well.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

It's called anxiety and it's debilitating.... Have you tried meditating?

 

[vitbar]

The rumination over uncertainty is a compulsion. It's an attempt to solve the problem. Avoid how uncertainty makes you feel. By engaging in the compulsion you reinforce that this feeling is something to avoid. You can break this cycle.

If you can choose to not ruminate, not engage in the compulsion, then you can sit with how the uncertainty makes you feel. It's ok that it feels bad. The more often you can let yourself feel it the less that feeling will sting.

If you struggle to stop then start by trying to recognise when you are getting triggered, and recognise the compulsion to ruminate. When it happens call them out in your head. Later when you notice a compulsion you can practice control by deliberately waiting a time before ruminating. Gradually increase the delay.

This is how I overcame ocd-like issues around uncertainty. It still sometimes comes up, and it still feels bad, but I don't have a mental breakdown over it.

 

[volo]

Thank you for asking this question. I feel something like this too, and it was really useful to see the problem described like this, and the responses.

 

[Bitter Almonds]

If there's nothing you can do about it, then there's no point in worrying, the only thing to do is accept the outcome. Do what you can and then let it play out.

We may suddenly die tomorrow, then nothing would matter.

Ruminating is the mind trying to prepare for all the possible outcomes of the event. But it's only useful up to a certain point, you can't possibly predict and prepare for everything. You can only deal with the situation when you arrive at it.

You know, something that I've never considered? Just not worry! You've cured me.

Op, I understand how you feel. Better than most. Not having the ability to affect the outcome is what is most triggering to me in the first place.

Uncertainty is its own personal hell when you can do nothing but worry about it.