m4rlboror3d
Member
- Jul 3, 2026
- 9
Hey, basically I started dating this girl a while ago and we are officially together. We're in a long distance relationship, which already makes things more difficult. We both tend to be very avoidant when it comes to emotions and closeness, so we often pull away instead of opening up. Even though we're officially a couple, it frequently feels like we're not really dating at all. It feels more like we're just very close friends. She regularly tells other people that I'm her "best friend". I can understand it to some degree because we're really comfortable with each other, but at the same time it hurts me deeply. I want to feel like her actual boyfriend, not just her best friend. This constant mixed signal is slowly breaking me. I have bpd and she has become my Favorite Person. Because of that, the uncertainty and lack of clear romantic validation hit me extremely hard. When I feel like I'm not enough or not important enough to her as a partner, it triggers intense fear of abandonment. Sometimes these feelings get so overwhelming that I start having suicidal thoughts and just want to kms. At the same time I'm so deeply attached to her that the idea of leaving her feels impossible. She's basically my whole world right now, even though I know that's not healthy. On top of that, I have a really big problem with communication. For a long time I could only tell her that I love her when I was drunk. Recently I've started saying it while sober too, but sometimes she just ignores it or quickly switches the topic. That reaction makes me feel rejected and even more insecure. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if she's just as avoidant as I am. I'm writing this because I really want to understand what I can do better. I love her a lot and I want this relationship to work, but the way things are right now is destroying my mental health. I feel trapped between loving her deeply and being terrified of losing her.
