Going to look back at this…

[Still Flutter Girl]

Typing this to remind myself of the horrifying amount of pain I'm in now…and how I at least still have waning access to housing and meds.

Even if SN was disastrously bad, it couldn't be worse than dealing with this pain, if I was unhoused, unmedicated, and without my beloved pup. I'm bedbound even WITH meds, and my dog is all that keeps me going.

This pain is the reminder I needed. Even if SN matched these pain levels, I'd have been unconscious already.

Also…fuck trying to organize things for the people that didn't care to check on me, because they wanted me to rot, until I was at a point where they could play power games later. I'm sick of feeling duty-bound when the only person that's ever cared about me is long passed.

I'm going to spend the weeks until my target date doing enjoyable things.

::cries to my dog, this forum, and no one else::

 

[aeri]

i hope your dog gives you all the comfort you need

im sorry everything failed you like that

i wish you a nice time, with all your enjoyable things cry to your dog and the forum as hard as you want

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. It sounds really awful what you have to endure. This life really is so unfair and some people are just so cruel. I hope that you find relief from your pain and that you enjoy the things you plan to do.