Family rejection

[Mixo]

Anyone propelled to the bus by family rejection or disownment? My family told me yet again how much they want nothing to do with me. I won't blame them for my decision to die, but they have caused considerable amount of unyielding pain, sadness. To be honest, they are a big part of why I'm going. Just hoping someone on here can relate...

 

[SadJessu]

It's a major factor, yes. My parents really shouldn't have had children, my mum says it was solely because her friends were. Growing up past puberty my interests were never 'age appropriate' (though they very well were, girly cartoons at 11 and horror films around 13 for example), so I was sort of put down and forced into areas where I had no interest. I ended up falling in love with a man much older than me and my parents were livid, my mum told me she'd have rather me been a lesbian. I think a lot of the abuse during that time messed me up mentally. Sometimes their words replay in my mind when I'm depressed. My father shows no emotional interest in me and I've overheard conversations in my adulthood where he's told my mum I'm weird. My mum doesn't wish to hear about my problems. I'm looked down upon, I'm an embarrassment mostly. They are good providers and it just makes me feel bad because I know others go through so much worse, I feel guilty. They've given me their blessings to my new relationship, and I don't know what to make of it.

 

[Meditation guide]

Anyone propelled to the bus by family rejection or disownment? My family told me yet again how much they want nothing to do with me. I won't blame them for my decision to die, but they have caused considerable amount of unyielding pain, sadness.

That's incredibly sad. You have my sympathy. I hope that's not why you want to ctb. Don't allow them to do that to you please.

Sometimes their words replay in my mind when I'm depressed.

It sounds like post traumatic stress disorder. Parents really do a number on their kids.

 

[Symbiote]

Rejected by my mom 6 months before she passed was pretty painful. She told me that the only thing I was good for was I could make money for her and that I was easy to use until it got too much and she could easily throw me away. I was never her son, never her blood, could never be a part of that and will never be apart of it. She then told me that she only sold me into sex slavery with a pedo ring to get back at my father, whom she later found out he didn't really give a damn, but it did net her so much money a month for two years. Her only regret was not carrying out her murder attempt when I was a baby or at least ditching me somewhere in a dumpster.

I miss what a mom could be in my life, but I don't miss her as a mom.

 

[Mixo]

Rejected by my mom 6 months before she passed was pretty painful. She told me that the only thing I was good for was I could make money for her and that I was easy to use until it got too much and she could easily throw me away. I was never her son, never her blood, could never be a part of that and will never be apart of it. She then told me that she only sold me into sex slavery with a pedo ring to get back at my father, whom she later found out he didn't really give a damn, but it did net her so much money a month for two years. Her only regret was not carrying out her murder attempt when I was a baby or at least ditching me somewhere in a dumpster.

I miss what a mom could be in my life, but I don't miss her as a mom.

This is so fucking terrible. God I am so sorry. You didn't deserve any of this, it breaks my heart hearing stories like this. I hope you can find some kind of path to healing.

 

[itachi of death]

I feel your pain my family say im not even worth the insults,im ignored and my existences is non existent to my family,they don't speak to me treat me like crap,crazy, mom blames me for my step fathers seziures,and everything wrong with their relationships,my sisters hate me because of my stepdad,so im sorry your going through this but your not alone

 

[DJJE]

Out of the last decade and a half I've not managed to be on speaking terms with my dad for more than a couple of months.

He's a fucking arsehole, he's coercive and abusive to all around him. As I've got older I've got wiser to his techniques and learnt that the way he acted was not normal or acceptable.

Trouble is he will never admit he's done anything wrong and will just escalate and escalate.

My only way to resolve this situation is to kill myself. Then he will have no more power.

I feel your pain my family say im not even worth the insults,im ignored and my existences is non existent to my family,they don't speak to me treat me like crap,crazy, mom blames me for my step fathers seziures,and everything wrong with their relationships,my sisters hate me because of my stepdad,so im sorry your going through this but your not alone

The silent treatment, moving on to a much greater form of abuse where the people who brought you in to the world pretend you don't exist.

Ive had that and feel you.

Personally I'd rather be punched that that treatment.

 

[Mixo]

That's incredibly sad. You have my sympathy. I hope that's not why you want to ctb. Don't allow them to do that to you please.

It sounds like post traumatic stress disorder. Parents really do a number on their kids.

I know it sounds messed up but I'm doing it for me first and foremost, but I also believe sincerely that it would be a good outcome for them too. Since I became ill, they cut me out of the family because I could no longer work. I was homeless for a bit of time (all the while ill) because they didn't want involvement and am facing that possibility again at some point. I asked them for help again recently and they told me I'm still not welcome home and that they have their own problems to worry about. So I just figure if I can't be self-sufficient and I have no support, then being gone would probably be best for everyone. Sounds bad but I think it's the same kind of principle that people on Exit international follow sometimes - to stop the suffering but also because they don't want family to bear the burden.

 

[Disappointered]

Based on some of the things I've read I haven't had it so bad but frankly I still feel like my family robbed me of a life. They forcibly alienated me from the environment they brought me to yet had no insular community to replace it with. They made me feel like the inferior and dummy of the family and provided me with appallingly weak role models. Even today I know my bio 'father' thinks he can look down on me even though - and this is so infuriating - he is the only reason that is even possible. They watched me die slowly and just blamed me for being a disappointing inferior, even making fun of my requests to see a therapist as a teen and then later (recently) telling people about how they need to push me to admit that I'm sick and need to see a psychiatrist! I sensed my family lacking respect from a very early age. It's not outright rejection but it's very close. What's sad is that I'm such a fuck up now that I won't ever be able to get off my knees and put them to shame. Well...at least everyone dies in the end.

 

[imdone1]

I'm so sorry about your situation, you don't deserve any of that, especially from your family. My father is narcissistic and is a lot to bear, and just is all around an abusive and damaging to be honest. That's something that's definitely contributing to me wanting to ctb.

 

[Going Home]

Anyone propelled to the bus by family rejection or disownment? My family told me yet again how much they want nothing to do with me. I won't blame them for my decision to die, but they have caused considerable amount of unyielding pain, sadness. To be honest, they are a big part of why I'm going. Just hoping someone on here can relate...

I can relate to certain family members causing pain and sadness. Don't let them wreck you. Mine believed completely made up shit about me so fuck them. Do YOU!

 

[Nightmare92]

I never had a relationship with my father, ne never cared.
My mother was pretty abusive and never really showed me any loved. She never told me I love you as kid. I just stopped contact to her. I kinda try not to care about her anymore which is hard. I have hatred towards her a lot.

 

[noaccount]

I felt robbed of a chance to have healthy family relationships by ageism and youth disenfranchisement in general, but that's, well, the same as anyone in this society.
To show up in solidarity with each other requires a lot of active role-treason, against positions of social power that we're given, of adults over children, of abled over disabled, on and on...
Please please know that this isn't a reflection of you or anything you did.

 

[BridgeJumper]

My family is entirely done with me, they hit me in the face, call me a druggie, destroy my belongings, make fun of my chronic illness, threaten me with psych ward because they want me out of this house, call me lazy and worthless. Ive had homicidal thoughts because of the rage for how they are treating me. Every few days or weeks I run away and sleep under the bridge, because being freezing cold is better than being a human format. My heart is breaking because I just dont feel loved anymore. And when I made a thread about this some troll told me that I dont know what Im talking about and Im not telling the whole truth, it caused a flame war and mods locked it :/

 

[woxihuanni]

Rejected by my mom 6 months before she passed was pretty painful. She told me that the only thing I was good for was I could make money for her and that I was easy to use until it got too much and she could easily throw me away. I was never her son, never her blood, could never be a part of that and will never be apart of it. She then told me that she only sold me into sex slavery with a pedo ring to get back at my father, whom she later found out he didn't really give a damn, but it did net her so much money a month for two years. Her only regret was not carrying out her murder attempt when I was a baby or at least ditching me somewhere in a dumpster.

I miss what a mom could be in my life, but I don't miss her as a mom.

I don't even know what to say. She was a stain on this world, just pure filth.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

A little though it might be more of me being paranoid than anyone's actual opinions

 

[Symbiote]

This is so fucking terrible. God I am so sorry. You didn't deserve any of this, it breaks my heart hearing stories like this. I hope you can find some kind of path to healing.

Just acceptance and with the way life has been going, my self-hatred is amplified to where I feel I deserved the abuse to prepare me for a lifetime of more abuse, but better control. The only path to healing I know of is death. I'm gonna take my past, my present, and my future and bury it 6 feet deep in an unknown, unmarked location.

 

[Nightmare92]

As a kid it's a natural reaction to believe it's your fault you're not being loved. Otherwise your psyche wouldn't be able to survive. As an adult you can stop that unhealthy thinking. It's not anyones fault if our parents didn't show us emotional support. It's their fault. It's important to distant ourselves from that childish thinking to heal. CBT / DBT can be helpful I guess.

 

[Mixo]

Bumping this thread because it's still just as relevant. Maybe others will add their stories, too.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Mine.....is mixed.

I know the root cause of my suicidality is my dad being a raging alcoholic and very abusive at times to boot. Especially towards me. At age 11 he told me that he should have had my mom abort me because he would have had a chance at a good life had I not been born. Kept reminding me of that well into my adult years. Especially the times I needed to move back in with them temporarily.

One night, was in my late 20's, he was drunk and at me again reminding me of what a worthless piece of shit I was. I got sick of it and went into my room but said something quite sarcastic as I did. Bad idea. He charged me from behind and when I turned around he wrapped his hands around my neck and started choking me. With intense hatred in his eyes. Would have killed me too if my mom hadn't announced she called the cops. He spent overnight in a drunk thank and calmed down mostly after that. Had the marks from his fingers on my neck for three days after. Good times.

Recently, I have been openly suicidal and my family has been worried. My youngest sister even came over to talk to me. I told her at one point how dad's abuse of me is something I forgave but could never get over. Her reply? "Dad abused us all". Now don't take what I am about to say I the wrong way. I adore my littlest sister and if ANYONE hurts her or fucks with her I will bring the wrath of hell upon them. She's a very kind person.

That aside I am sitting there thinking, "Did he tell YOU that his life would have been better if you were aborted? Did he try to strangle YOU to death and almost succeed?" No, he didn't, and in a way it made me feel rejected by my favorite family member now that my mom is gone.

Speaking of my mom, she is one of the things that kept me somewhat stable and alive this long. Now that she's gone, well, I don't quite feel part of the family anymore. Everyone is more worried about my dad because he is old and lost his wife and is drinking although his liver is failing rapidly. I just need to get therapy. I'm alone. Literally alone and abandoned emotionally. I just want to get the courage to actually carry through with my plan because my future is going to be horrific, well, more horrific than my present anyways, if I don't.

I was right all these years. I am a useless leech. A piece of garbage and I never should have been born. People's lives would have been so much better if I hadn't been...

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I know the root cause of my suicidality is my dad being a raging alcoholic and very abusive at times to boot.

I was right all these years. I am a useless leech. A piece of garbage and I never should have been born. People's lives would have been so much better if I hadn't been...

To be honest, it sounds like everyone's life would have been better if your dad hadn't been a raging and abusive alcoholic. His behavior is not your fault or your responsibility, and his abuse doesn't make you a useless leech.

It's good when the degree of influence parents have on their children is positive and affirming, but it's terrible when that power is abused and used to abuse the child. Sorry you had to go through that, but your dad was wrong about you. His life would have been better if HE had been better.

Can you talk with your sister again and tell her why you ended up feeling rejected? It sounds like she may not know everything he did to you. If you have that kind of relationship with her, it might be good to clear the air in a 'this is why I feel so shitty' kind of way.

Parents can really do a number on us. Hugs.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

To be honest, it sounds like everyone's life would have been better if your dad hadn't been a raging and abusive alcoholic. His behavior is not your fault or your responsibility, and his abuse doesn't make you a useless leech.

It's good when the degree of influence parents have on their children is positive and affirming, but it's terrible when that power is abused and used to abuse the child. Sorry you had to go through that, but your dad was wrong about you. His life would have been better if HE had been better.

Can you talk with your sister again and tell her why you ended up feeling rejected? It sounds like she may not know everything he did to you. If you have that kind of relationship with her, it might be good to clear the air in a 'this is why I feel so shitty' kind of way.

Parents can really do a number on us. Hugs.

It's....more than just that though. A metric fuck ton of life changing events have happened since 2016 and it has left me exhausted and broken. The final straw was last year and I am beyond help now. Yes, everyone knows what happened I just haven't shared details because the entire situation is so complicated and I don't think they would understand even if I did explain in detail. Just the old, "Just see a therapist and move on" line. If only it were that easy....

 

[Conker]

Similar yes, they were just a broken family full of fake smiles that should've destroyed my innocence much sooner.

Prison inmates who most of which do not mean anything to me. A few I even want to shoot dead actually..
They really were so horrible that I rather inflict horrors on others if it meant somehow securing myself a "future" far away from them.
Apathetic deadbeats through & through.. The word "family" also feels so foreign to me.
Because he is really nothing but a reanimated shadow. Though I wish it wasn't so, to be human on Earth would be a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately this vampiric lifeless world is just a poor substitute for such a mythical and colorful place.
Searching for a location that feels like home, even in my luckiest scenario.. It's not ever going to fill that void.

"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder." ― Jim Morrison

 

[Onthe29th]

Kinda…I could've gone through anything for my family but now I know that they'll disown me if I don't go down the path that they want for me or if I fuck up, so now I feel trapped.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

It's....more than just that though. A metric fuck ton of life changing events have happened since 2016 and it has left me exhausted and broken. The final straw was last year and I am beyond help now. Yes, everyone knows what happened I just haven't shared details because the entire situation is so complicated and I don't think they would understand even if I did explain in detail. Just the old, "Just see a therapist and move on" line. If only it were that easy....

It's never that easy. Can be pretty hard, really. Just finding a compatible therapist with rapport can be a challenge, and then you have to hope they have the skills to be useful. I hope things work out well for you, however it goes.