Anyone else refuse to let themselves move on?

[xXiloveyouXx]

I'm talking about love, but it can be about anything traumatic or life-altering.

I'll never let myself move on, never love again, I'm not interested in having sex ever again for the rest of my life. She and I were too connected. We could be apart for half a decade and she could go get married and I'd still feel like I'd be cheating on her by loving someone else. Not that I could. My heart is tired and hollow for everyone but her.

I pretend to talk to her sometimes as if she's dead, because she functionally is and we'll never see one another in this life again. I'll think of a stupid joke as I'm driving and instinctively look over at the passenger seat expecting to see her laughing, I imagine her like a ghost that keeps beckoning me. Since I can't see her and can't ever satisfy my desire I'm convinced that I only can by dying and that will let us be together forever.

It doesn't phase me that this is unhealthy obsession or that I'm delusional or having schizo symptoms flare up, because it all makes too much sense and order will be restored with my death. There's no one I could say this honestly to in real life without changing the way they see me and revealing my power level as a delusional freak, so posting this is like an act of exhibitionism. I want to be seen for how I truly am by someone before I die.

I'll never get over it because I don't want to get over it because the pain is too meaningful to become just another thing that happens in a person's life. It can't be like that. This must be the narrative end.

 

[Deer_Dairy]

I am sorry to hear about this. I know these feelings. Last time something like this happened to me I was drnking and doing drugs for eight months straight basically daily to kill all the feelings because it was tormentig for me.

Ok, now I'll try to look at your situation as some stranger which don't have connection to such feelings or mental disorders.

How long it is? If it is quite fresh, it is normal to feel extreme emotions and sometimes it can get really hard. If you don't want to harm you or anybody else, it is ok if not lasting for too long (more than 6-12 months).

If you feel it is unbearable or it lasts for too long or it is crippling and you can't live your life, go see the therapist. It is more common than you think to feel like this and psychotherapists know how to help you. Don't be afraid, it is really common to experience this kind of 'grieving' and unability to let go. None will judge you.

If possible, speak to this person one last time and say everything you want to say. It often helps to close one section of life and recover. People often speak even to death members of family or writing letters to them with things they haven't had a chance to say while it was still possible. It will ease the burden.


I hope you get better!

 

[iwkmsssb]

I've also been going through something similar, we broke up under unforeseen circumstances and it left me with a void that physically ached in my chest. he was my person and my sole support system, i neglected every other relationship i had for people and prioritized him. he really was my world but in the end, i wasn't his. that broke me and i've been broken for a while. it brought up so many feelings i've been suppressing and i've been the lowest i have ever been.

and as you said, moving on feels like cheating. but no one will wait for you and that's a hard truth to swallow, it's something i have yet to accept and it will be hell until the day i allow myself to change. i try to keep reminding myself that the person i love so much is consciously making the decision to not have me in their life, and that pain of abandonment is a constant reminder. i recommend therapy if it becomes unbearable as well, even if it doesn't feel like it's helping, it helps to get it off your chest to a real person.