Venting I miss him

[fluorescentpearl]

I miss him.. I miss him so bad that I don't know what to do, he promised me forever and left me like I was nothing, he doesn't care for me anymore and yet I'm giving up my life over him, I miss him and I want him back and nothing feels real anymore, it's like life shut down as soon as he left.. There's nothing I can do anymore, all I wanted was a forever soulmate who understood me and cared about me like he did, a father boyfriend of sorts, he was my everything.. I miss him, I don't know what to do
It's even worse that I look at my family and see them happy that I'm finally eating and see them try to love me and be there for me and I know I'll just be gone soon and leaving them behind with all the pain from it..
I wish I could somehow make my mom especially not suffer from it, I wish could tell her it'll be calm and that I love her and have her believe me..
I do love her, I adore my mom, she's the best and strongest person I've ever met.. But I can't go on anymore, I just want everything to end..

 

[tonicer]

I also love my mom a lot, that's why i wait for her to die first.

She is almost 80 and her health isn't the best so she has maybe 10-15 years left. I know it would break her heart if i killed myself while she is still around so i postponed it.

I made it to 40+ already so what are 10-15 years more?! I'll be strong for her and you should too. A loving mother is not a given. I had a friend once who told me his mother said he was an accident and she hated him because somehow he ruined her live.

So when you have a mother who loves you you have the obligation to keep her safe from any harm and the greatest harm for a mother is having to bury her child.

Be strong for her!