ramielle
for me it's always like this
- Jul 20, 2026
- 6
quotation mark because i don't know if this was actually grooming. i don't remember all the details. i apologize if this is messy.
tw for : mentions of sh, mentions of r@pe (nothing explicit), mentions of violence, sexual behavior and possible abuse (?)
when i was younger, around 10 or 11 (i'm now an adult), i was on discord a lot. made private servers with online friends, had a lot of fun. one day, an older teenager named 'C' (around 4 or 5 years older than me) joined a server. her first message was asking for help about self harming, she wanted to find someone to help her or to talk to. i thought that at 11 years old, i was definitely qualified to help. so i dm-ed her. at first we weren't really close, and i quickly realized that i didn't want to help her. i was a bitch, i know.
however after some months we actually became friends and texted more. covid hit and the both of us were isolated.
she'd always been very clingy with me, which i never minded because i appreciated her, it was in that old 2020 fashion. i don't exactly remember everything that happened, but one day i learned that she had DID.
(obligatory break : i do not know if she actually had DID or not, it always seemed odd to me but i never wanted to potentially invalidate her experience, because i know that it is such a horrible and terrifying disorder. i just had doubts, and i still have, but i'm not a psychiatrist.)
she said one of her alters was named 'E' (name shorted), and 'E' was sort of the typical protective alter ? she scared me a lot. whenever 'C' was upset, suicidal, hurt, 'E' would come out and berate me, threaten me, tell me that 'C' would kill herself, that i only had two options : fix it or let 'C' die.
of course since i wholly believed it, i felt bad. same thing, when 'C' found out i cut myself after promising to never do it, she got really upset.
she got onto the discord server, asked some members for a random high number, which then corresponded to how many times she'd cut herself. i don't know if she actually went through the physical act, but trying to stop her while also hiding her intent from other members was a lot.
it all seems so clear in my head but whenever i try to type it down it feels so messy. i apologize. i'll summarize some things i remember, they're probably not in the right order.
one day she told me she wanted to ''kill her r@pists''. i didnt know that had happened to her, but now that i think about it, she wouldn't have brought it up every other day. but either way every talk we had ended up in her mentioning violence, towards herself, others.. i got used to it, at some points. so when the other friends i had also self harmed i had no reaction. 'whatever. everybody does it.'
i thought i had feelings for a guy in my class once, and told her about it. she behaved strangely. and then the conversation drifted to us meeting irl. i had no interest in it, but stayed polite. she told me we could have sex together if we met. i was 12/13 when she told me that and she was around 16-17. i denied and told her it'd be weird, but she told me that since she wasn't an adult, it wouldn't be illegal or anything. either way, nothing ever happened irl since we never met, i'm quite grateful. she also had feelings for me, i rejected her, and she accepted it. but she always acted in a romantic manner. called me her spouse, told me that she loved me. she also called me her little sibling at the same time. i don't know if she meant the two at the same time.
i stopped contact with her after i found out that i was both her little sibling and her spouse in her head. i was treated like shit by her friends, i was called a monster and i believed it. of course, 'C' was struggling, i felt like i was being horrible and i was terrified that she'd do something to herself.
i think she and i talked again for a bit, then stopped fully.
i'd say a year or two ago, i felt lonely. i contacted her again. she told me she'd completely forgotten about me. completely. seeing my face did nothing. rereading our texts did nothing. i felt so betrayed. i didn't know what to do. i hated myself. she told me it was probably because of her DID, and i told her maybe.
i grew up with a weird mindset of : women can't be groomers. and 'C' was a trans woman, so i didn't even want to think she could do something wrong. was idiotic, i know. i'm always scared to mention her transidentity because i don't want people to immediately insult her for this, when it has nothing to do with her behavior. either way, i think it's why i never really pushed her away. i assumed she was just a struggling woman, who also heavily struggled with gender dysphoria on top of that.
i don't know if i can call this grooming. i don't even know if that was her intent. there are things i didn't mention, because it's all so foggy i can't even get it out into words. nothing bad, though. i never sent any explicit pictures of myself. neither did she (she only sent nudes... of her exes.. to me. without their knowledge or consent.)
i'm sorry if this was long and messy, i'll try to format it better later.
tw for : mentions of sh, mentions of r@pe (nothing explicit), mentions of violence, sexual behavior and possible abuse (?)
when i was younger, around 10 or 11 (i'm now an adult), i was on discord a lot. made private servers with online friends, had a lot of fun. one day, an older teenager named 'C' (around 4 or 5 years older than me) joined a server. her first message was asking for help about self harming, she wanted to find someone to help her or to talk to. i thought that at 11 years old, i was definitely qualified to help. so i dm-ed her. at first we weren't really close, and i quickly realized that i didn't want to help her. i was a bitch, i know.
however after some months we actually became friends and texted more. covid hit and the both of us were isolated.
she'd always been very clingy with me, which i never minded because i appreciated her, it was in that old 2020 fashion. i don't exactly remember everything that happened, but one day i learned that she had DID.
(obligatory break : i do not know if she actually had DID or not, it always seemed odd to me but i never wanted to potentially invalidate her experience, because i know that it is such a horrible and terrifying disorder. i just had doubts, and i still have, but i'm not a psychiatrist.)
she said one of her alters was named 'E' (name shorted), and 'E' was sort of the typical protective alter ? she scared me a lot. whenever 'C' was upset, suicidal, hurt, 'E' would come out and berate me, threaten me, tell me that 'C' would kill herself, that i only had two options : fix it or let 'C' die.
of course since i wholly believed it, i felt bad. same thing, when 'C' found out i cut myself after promising to never do it, she got really upset.
she got onto the discord server, asked some members for a random high number, which then corresponded to how many times she'd cut herself. i don't know if she actually went through the physical act, but trying to stop her while also hiding her intent from other members was a lot.
it all seems so clear in my head but whenever i try to type it down it feels so messy. i apologize. i'll summarize some things i remember, they're probably not in the right order.
one day she told me she wanted to ''kill her r@pists''. i didnt know that had happened to her, but now that i think about it, she wouldn't have brought it up every other day. but either way every talk we had ended up in her mentioning violence, towards herself, others.. i got used to it, at some points. so when the other friends i had also self harmed i had no reaction. 'whatever. everybody does it.'
i thought i had feelings for a guy in my class once, and told her about it. she behaved strangely. and then the conversation drifted to us meeting irl. i had no interest in it, but stayed polite. she told me we could have sex together if we met. i was 12/13 when she told me that and she was around 16-17. i denied and told her it'd be weird, but she told me that since she wasn't an adult, it wouldn't be illegal or anything. either way, nothing ever happened irl since we never met, i'm quite grateful. she also had feelings for me, i rejected her, and she accepted it. but she always acted in a romantic manner. called me her spouse, told me that she loved me. she also called me her little sibling at the same time. i don't know if she meant the two at the same time.
i stopped contact with her after i found out that i was both her little sibling and her spouse in her head. i was treated like shit by her friends, i was called a monster and i believed it. of course, 'C' was struggling, i felt like i was being horrible and i was terrified that she'd do something to herself.
i think she and i talked again for a bit, then stopped fully.
i'd say a year or two ago, i felt lonely. i contacted her again. she told me she'd completely forgotten about me. completely. seeing my face did nothing. rereading our texts did nothing. i felt so betrayed. i didn't know what to do. i hated myself. she told me it was probably because of her DID, and i told her maybe.
i grew up with a weird mindset of : women can't be groomers. and 'C' was a trans woman, so i didn't even want to think she could do something wrong. was idiotic, i know. i'm always scared to mention her transidentity because i don't want people to immediately insult her for this, when it has nothing to do with her behavior. either way, i think it's why i never really pushed her away. i assumed she was just a struggling woman, who also heavily struggled with gender dysphoria on top of that.
i don't know if i can call this grooming. i don't even know if that was her intent. there are things i didn't mention, because it's all so foggy i can't even get it out into words. nothing bad, though. i never sent any explicit pictures of myself. neither did she (she only sent nudes... of her exes.. to me. without their knowledge or consent.)
i'm sorry if this was long and messy, i'll try to format it better later.
