Discussion Anyone Else Feel Weirdly Giddy About their attempt?

[Cant Maintain]

It feels like being a god damn kid waiting for a trip to disneyland or something and its all I can think about. Setting up everything as far as a note, scheduled emails, going through everything, tweaking my to-go SN kit. AaaAAAAAAAAA I'm just so excited to be through with this and see what lies after, or the lack thereof.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Escaping this hell is definitely something to get excited about. But what if we're destined to return here to suffer again? Perhaps as a murder victim, a wild animal eaten alive, a prisoner, a severely disabled individual, and so on. The list is endless, and I find it extremely frightening to consider as a possibility. My intention is not to incite fear or hesitation for anyone's ctb though, because I still view ctb as a wonderful release from one's torment, whether or not we begin anew afterwards.

 

[purplesmoothie]

Yes. I used the same exact word haha when describing how I felt.

 

[Cant Maintain]

lately its the only thing that brings a smile to my face <3

 

[purplesmoothie]

lately its the only thing that brings a smile to my face <3

I know, I feel like I won the lottery or something, I'm going around with a dumb smile on my face lmao

 

[Xocoyotziin]

Not really. It just feels like I've run out of options. Yeah I'll try to pump myself up the day of but that's just so I'll have something to get my foot in the door. I'm not excited about living or dying or anything.

 

[virtualoctopus]

It feels like being a god damn kid waiting for a trip to disneyland or something and its all I can think about. Setting up everything as far as a note, scheduled emails, going through everything, tweaking my to-go SN kit. AaaAAAAAAAAA I'm just so excited to be through with this and see what lies after, or the lack thereof.

yes, exactly! to the point where I wonder whether or not life is just some sick joke.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I'm constantly between tears, dead, fear, and excitement and I hate it. I don't know how to control the rollercoaster. I hope I'm sane enough to follow through when the stuff comes.

 

[xaea13]

Escaping this hell is definitely something to get excited about. But what if we're destined to return here to suffer again? Perhaps as a murder victim, a wild animal eaten alive, a prisoner, a severely disabled individual, and so on. The list is endless, and I find it extremely frightening to consider as a possibility. My intention is not to incite fear or hesitation for anyone's ctb though, because I still view ctb as a wonderful release from one's torment, whether or not we begin anew afterwards.

Well if it's a cycle, then it's probably happened before. And we have zero conscious memory of what happened before we were born. So even if that is true, you would have no way of knowing. At least, that's my rationalization.
(I personally believe death is just nothingness - it's how you felt before you were born).

 

[Superdeterminist]

Well if it's a cycle, then it's probably happened before. And we have zero conscious memory of what happened before we were born. So even if that is true, you would have no way of knowing. At least, that's my rationalization.
(I personally believe death is just nothingness - it's how you felt before you were born).

Yes, if it is the case then we're headed there eventually, suicide or not, ctb would just bring it sooner. And I think that nothingness is compatible with reincarnation. The individual that you are now enters nothingness forever after death, but a new individual (a new 'you') will come to be.

 

[chronicpain]

I had 2 NDEs after drug OD around 1980. Went through the tunnel. The first I came back fairly soon. On the second I continued to a green cloud like mist walking with 2 gigantic figures who spoke telepathically. I could see a gateway ahead and never felt such love peace even joy. The "Guides" said you can come with us but there's something else you were meant to do. So you can also choose to go back. I came back. Since then I started a business and have helped people for 31 years. I thought I'd return to the peaceful place by OD w pills but all I did was itch and feel remorse afterwards. No guides. So it seems that ending all myself doesn't get me back to the gateway of peace. That doesn't mean I won't try again if I can't solve this pain. Nor do I criticize anyone who wants out. Just sharing my experience.

 

[Ardesevent]

I'm excited. Death is pretty much the only adventure you can experience in this day and age.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Not literally a happy / excited feeling, but weird calm would wash over me sometimes right before the most serious attempts. I was able to talk to people and genuinely smile, and whne I packed my stuff and said goodbye walking out of my friends workshop when I decided I will jump I dont think he would even know thats what I was going to do