badtoad12314
Member
- May 4, 2026
- 7
Recently i went through some massive events in my life that have made me fall to the lowest point in my life. First, I have to pay my parents a bunch of money in order to help pay for rent and my siblings birthday party because they ended up gambling all the rent money away. Then, i work for a family member and times are getting tough for our business. Then, my parents get up in arms about me not getting to work as often because we are struggling, Then, i get bad news that my partner ended up in the hospital and dont want to talk about it and so i ended up walking out of the house in order to calm myself down whilst my parents are yelling at my sibling and they get mad about "having kids that act like this" that then leads to my mom doing the age old thing of being passive agressive and speaking to me in a pissed off tone, ignoring me or berating me for asking things like they are the most obvious thing in the world so i step back and just stay out of their way and dont want to be near them. Then, my parents get mad at the fact that im not going to work as often because we are going through hard times. Then when my dad tries to talk to me about it and then him saying that "im mad at my mom for no reason" and attempting to leave but they stop me and eventually tackle me to the grown and pin me down and lecture me then laugh and crack jokes about having to put the moves on me and call other family members to gloat about it all while i cry underneath them the whole time for hours not sure exactly how long. I then go and move in with my grandparents because i dont want to talk to my parents or a majority of my family ever again. To then have my partner and i break up because they really wanted to have a kid and I didnt want to yet because 1. I dont feel like either of us are in a spot TO have a kid 2. I want to actually be there to be in the kids life if i did decide to(We live in different countries). To then getting begged by my partner to help them financially because they fucked up and lied about why they needed and i needed to find out from someone else when i dont have the means to help them. To then hear that my partner attempted and then im the one blamed saying i escalated things that i abandoned them. To then lose my friends who i had been friends with for years because I completely flipped out and due to guilt and shame going no contact.
TL;DR The point is i dont really know how to feel about it. I have always been a super um empethetic? and apologetic person. I feel overwhelming guilt and feel like all of this is my fault and that i deserve to have all this happen to me because Im a horrible person but theres like a second voice in my head that is really angry pissed off at everyone around me and its like a constant war in my head because like that angry side feels like ive been mistreated and the other side just feels its all my fault. usually I default to that sad side of me and literally cant see anything as other than my fault but now with this situation my minds all scrambled and Im not sure what to think. Just wondering if anyone else has gone/is going through something similar.
TL;DR The point is i dont really know how to feel about it. I have always been a super um empethetic? and apologetic person. I feel overwhelming guilt and feel like all of this is my fault and that i deserve to have all this happen to me because Im a horrible person but theres like a second voice in my head that is really angry pissed off at everyone around me and its like a constant war in my head because like that angry side feels like ive been mistreated and the other side just feels its all my fault. usually I default to that sad side of me and literally cant see anything as other than my fault but now with this situation my minds all scrambled and Im not sure what to think. Just wondering if anyone else has gone/is going through something similar.
