Venting Am I going mad?

[Ardesevent]

I don't trust my dad anymore. He's harmless, but I'm starting to jump every time I see him even come near me. There's no reason for it, if he wanted to hurt me he'd had multiple opportunities to do something already. This morning he asked me why I didn't take out the trash yesterday like he asked me too, but I don't remember him even asking me to do that. I can't tell whether it's him or it's me.
I had a plan tonight to go out and throw myself in front of car. The reason I backed out wasn't due to guilt over traumatizing some stranger, but because I was scared someone might try to kidnap me or mug me while I was walking towards the street. How selfish can I get?
I keep dumping my problems onto this site. It's become the only place I can rely on anymore, the only place where some self-righteous white knight won't give me a fake smile and tell me that it'll all get better. I don't know anyone well at all on this site, but I know that all of you are all probably good people. I can't tell if that's me thinking that anymore though, or what I'm just telling myself.
I'm going to drink a bottle of rubbing alcohol tonight, and maybe eat some bug poison. With my luck I'll probably live and regret it in the morning, but to hell with it, maybe I'll get lucky.

 

[Spitfire]

Have you ever drank isopropyl alcohol before?

What type of bug poison?

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i'm sure this is the last thing you want to hear, but please don't drink rubbing alcohol. i've tried. it sucks. even if you do die, it'll be an unpleasant death.

you shouldn't feel bad for not feeling guilty about potentially traumatizing someone. people shouldn't be expected to feel for every single person they come across, especially if said person is a stranger. you've got to put yourself first at one point or another.

 

[Ghost2211]

Bug poison is a neuro toxin. You'll die a real slow painful death, and if you don't die possible Neuro damage for life.

Don't drink rubbing alcohol. It wont kill you. It will make you feel drunk and cause pretty bad irritation to your throat and digestive system. You'll be sick as a dog and in a boat load of pain, but very much alive.