He said about a week ago that he was going to get some fent he could sell me this weekend.
Then, last weekend, my friend took my phone and texted him that I was lying about being user and that I was trying to kill myself with it.
Then, like 2 days ago, I told the plug that my friend lied about me being suicidal because they were just mad that I was using fent again. Told him that I still wanted to buy a bunch of fent/oxy pills from him.
He responded with the thumbs up emoji!
So maybe I'll hit him up on Monday asking him if he completed his acquisition of the fent.
After that, I'm gonna call HIM and his best friend one last time. Probably tell them that I've did 3 suicide attempts and plan to do more, but not sharing any specific details that could get me 51/50ed. His friend will probably tell me to fuck off and that it's not their problem. Then that'll probably give me the motivation to finally take all twenty-thirty M30 pills at once. Though I really wish I had somebody to be on the phone with me and comfort me while I did it.
One thing I'm definitely NOT going to do from now on is tell any of my friends that I'm still suicidal. I'm NOT going to tell them I have the fent. And I'm NOT going to flush the fent ever again. Even if I somehow change my mind about being suicidal, I'm still going to keep it on hand in case. I'm NOT going to drink or take any drugs like weed again, because that's when I tend to have brash regrettable mood swings that causes me to do things like overshare to my friends, which could end up getting my fent flushed again.
Yeah, maybe I won't even have to face next weekend. Who knows. I'm so fucking tired of nights like last night where I wake up crying out for him. I just want all the pain to go away. I don't want another 40-50 years of pain.
From now on, this site is where I vent until I can finally do it. I'm so tired of my friends not understanding. I'm TIRED of people even here who don't get it and try to guilt me or push me towards those 40-50 years of pain.
Then, last weekend, my friend took my phone and texted him that I was lying about being user and that I was trying to kill myself with it.
Then, like 2 days ago, I told the plug that my friend lied about me being suicidal because they were just mad that I was using fent again. Told him that I still wanted to buy a bunch of fent/oxy pills from him.
He responded with the thumbs up emoji!
So maybe I'll hit him up on Monday asking him if he completed his acquisition of the fent.
After that, I'm gonna call HIM and his best friend one last time. Probably tell them that I've did 3 suicide attempts and plan to do more, but not sharing any specific details that could get me 51/50ed. His friend will probably tell me to fuck off and that it's not their problem. Then that'll probably give me the motivation to finally take all twenty-thirty M30 pills at once. Though I really wish I had somebody to be on the phone with me and comfort me while I did it.
One thing I'm definitely NOT going to do from now on is tell any of my friends that I'm still suicidal. I'm NOT going to tell them I have the fent. And I'm NOT going to flush the fent ever again. Even if I somehow change my mind about being suicidal, I'm still going to keep it on hand in case. I'm NOT going to drink or take any drugs like weed again, because that's when I tend to have brash regrettable mood swings that causes me to do things like overshare to my friends, which could end up getting my fent flushed again.
Yeah, maybe I won't even have to face next weekend. Who knows. I'm so fucking tired of nights like last night where I wake up crying out for him. I just want all the pain to go away. I don't want another 40-50 years of pain.
From now on, this site is where I vent until I can finally do it. I'm so tired of my friends not understanding. I'm TIRED of people even here who don't get it and try to guilt me or push me towards those 40-50 years of pain.
