Chuuya-Chan ⋆. 𐙚˚
Student
- Oct 8, 2024
- 189
Wow, this is seriously the most consistent I've been with something, can't believe I'm already on day 70!
Anyways I'm so sooo sooo grateful I can post photos again
Might spam!!!
Anywho.
Actually felt kinda depressed today
My minds been wondering and it only gets worse when I TRY to numb it out with stupid entertainment that's not supposed to be taken seriously.
Like I just found out even if you get your tubes tied you'll still go through menopause.
Wtf I'm literally going to kill myself because that's so fucked up.
Anywho had like a 360 today in thinking, like: "I never even wanted to be here" or, "god my life sucks I want it to be perfect."
And anxious thoughts that my bf won't want me anymore once I fully cement the likely hood of me wanting kids ever is is like lower than 1%.
Because honestly the regret of having kids sounds way worse than the regret of not having them.
Anywho, guess I think about the future too much and this combined with my fucked up hormones of being a woman has left me irritated and sad.
I'm not going to give up that fuckibg easily though so I still did what had to be done.
Actually walked 5 miles today (11,000+ steps) because I'm just that fucking bored. Also did my minimum of 2 hours of homework.
Idk man, but when I think about life too much all I can think is that life is like a gas station bathroom. You'd rather be somewhere else but there's no other place to go for miles so you're stuck with a bathroom that doesn't have a fully functioning door and there's no damn soap, but the minute you sit down you're relieve after not getting to piss for hours but the minute your done you're reminded you're still in a shitty bathroom.
That was kind of a gross analogy but whatever, life's fucked up and sometimes we're only left with the shitty options.
Sundays are usually the one day out of the week that I rest and don't put much on my shoulders except for planning for the new week ahead.
Gonna redye my hair, clean my room, simple stuff.
Photos below are some of the meals I've made myself over the week.
Anyways hoping for a less shitty day tomorrow, night.
Xxx
Anyways I'm so sooo sooo grateful I can post photos again
Might spam!!!
Anywho.
Actually felt kinda depressed today
My minds been wondering and it only gets worse when I TRY to numb it out with stupid entertainment that's not supposed to be taken seriously.
Like I just found out even if you get your tubes tied you'll still go through menopause.
Wtf I'm literally going to kill myself because that's so fucked up.
Anywho had like a 360 today in thinking, like: "I never even wanted to be here" or, "god my life sucks I want it to be perfect."
And anxious thoughts that my bf won't want me anymore once I fully cement the likely hood of me wanting kids ever is is like lower than 1%.
Because honestly the regret of having kids sounds way worse than the regret of not having them.
Anywho, guess I think about the future too much and this combined with my fucked up hormones of being a woman has left me irritated and sad.
I'm not going to give up that fuckibg easily though so I still did what had to be done.
Actually walked 5 miles today (11,000+ steps) because I'm just that fucking bored. Also did my minimum of 2 hours of homework.
Idk man, but when I think about life too much all I can think is that life is like a gas station bathroom. You'd rather be somewhere else but there's no other place to go for miles so you're stuck with a bathroom that doesn't have a fully functioning door and there's no damn soap, but the minute you sit down you're relieve after not getting to piss for hours but the minute your done you're reminded you're still in a shitty bathroom.
That was kind of a gross analogy but whatever, life's fucked up and sometimes we're only left with the shitty options.
Sundays are usually the one day out of the week that I rest and don't put much on my shoulders except for planning for the new week ahead.
Gonna redye my hair, clean my room, simple stuff.
Photos below are some of the meals I've made myself over the week.
Anyways hoping for a less shitty day tomorrow, night.
Xxx
