I had this question in mind. I don't mean commiting suicide by that. For me sometimes it sounds so foreing. Some people with depression say they cannot eat things. Or that they dislike having to eat something. For me this is quite the opposite especially when I am depressive. When I am depressive I have more hunger. Though to be honest I have atypical anorexia (due to past bullying) and I have kind of killed my hunger. I am very disciplined in many instances in my life. Maybe that is kind of arrogant but in some instances it might resembles the life of a monk. lol. Of course not in every instance. But I have a very precise schedule how to manage my life. I am bipolar and a strict schedule helps me very much to stay somewhat stable. I am pretty sure most people could never deal with the schedule I have. It requires a lot of willpower and depression can kill the willpower. I don't know I am kind of numb to this struggle. Probably also because of my abuse. My mom raised me to me harsh on myself. It caused a lot of self-hatred but I am very self-disciplined. Probably to a point that it makes me very unhappy. I just have too much OCD and obsessions.
Okay this all was pretty off-topic. I wanted to say by that I am so used to eating not much that my hunger kind of disappeared. Not sure how unhealthy this is. Probably to one's psyche but I am not underweight just pretty thin.
Some of my medication slows down my metabolism. The first time period I suffered a lot. I hated the daily hunger and the suffering this caused. But I am becoming more and more numb on it. The whole process of ingestion becomes more machine like for me. There is less enjoyment. It rather has practical reasons for me to do it. Not sure whether this process is really good. My family says they could never eat similar than me. I kind of killed my emotions towards food.
Now to the core of the question. I admit it some food or drinks (I love coffee) can be pretty tasty and induce feelings of happiness. But I am very anxious towards poverty. I think I gonna ctb due to poverty. But where could I reduce my spending in case I won't be able to ctb? Maybe spending less on food and drinks. My mom always buys very expensive food. This is kind of luxury. I ask myself whether I could abstain from that. It would decrease my life quality for sure. I don't eat much but the food I eat tastes very well.
Now what if I could make a deal. I could live without ingestion and saving much much money or I prefer the taste of the product.
The question is difficult. For now I would prefer to maintain my ability to taste things. Okay there is a difference between having the ability to live without food or that the tasting ability stops. I think the best form of the question is whether the feeling of hunger would stop. And you just would not have this feeling. I am not sure. When I am on welfare it would relieve me a lot not having to eat. The food I enjoy is expensive and I dislike many poor quality food. In this case I would be pretty happy to kill the hunger feeling forever.
What is your opinion on that?
Okay this all was pretty off-topic. I wanted to say by that I am so used to eating not much that my hunger kind of disappeared. Not sure how unhealthy this is. Probably to one's psyche but I am not underweight just pretty thin.
Some of my medication slows down my metabolism. The first time period I suffered a lot. I hated the daily hunger and the suffering this caused. But I am becoming more and more numb on it. The whole process of ingestion becomes more machine like for me. There is less enjoyment. It rather has practical reasons for me to do it. Not sure whether this process is really good. My family says they could never eat similar than me. I kind of killed my emotions towards food.
Now to the core of the question. I admit it some food or drinks (I love coffee) can be pretty tasty and induce feelings of happiness. But I am very anxious towards poverty. I think I gonna ctb due to poverty. But where could I reduce my spending in case I won't be able to ctb? Maybe spending less on food and drinks. My mom always buys very expensive food. This is kind of luxury. I ask myself whether I could abstain from that. It would decrease my life quality for sure. I don't eat much but the food I eat tastes very well.
Now what if I could make a deal. I could live without ingestion and saving much much money or I prefer the taste of the product.
The question is difficult. For now I would prefer to maintain my ability to taste things. Okay there is a difference between having the ability to live without food or that the tasting ability stops. I think the best form of the question is whether the feeling of hunger would stop. And you just would not have this feeling. I am not sure. When I am on welfare it would relieve me a lot not having to eat. The food I enjoy is expensive and I dislike many poor quality food. In this case I would be pretty happy to kill the hunger feeling forever.
What is your opinion on that?
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