Worried about calling for help

[Butterfly-death]

If I eventually end up CTB I'm worried about SI being so strong I call for help. Depending on the method. I heard this can happen and that terrifies me. I mean I guess it depends on the scenario too. What about people who do SN in hotels? How do they do it without SI getting in the way? Or just consuming anything that works for CTB. That's terrifying SI could be so strong that you go against your own wishes. Does anyone else worry about this too?

 

[fadedghost]

Honestly, it happens...

It can also happen because of pain, being unable to breathe easily, sudden changes in oxygen level... There's no guarantee. Most suicide attempts fail. That's just reality. (This is not true for SN suicide attempts which usually result in death.) It's okay to feel scared, because death is scary and suicide attempts often fail, or the other option is to just try to get help and stay alive until a natural death to avoid failing a suicide attempt.

You can absolutely want to die, have extremely well planned plans, make an attempt, and the pain or fear of the situation results in telling someone, even if you really didn't want help and wanted to die. I experienced that before and ended up not dying. It was AWFUL. It would have been so much better if I had died then, the attempt hurt so damn bad and I ended up living. The ironic part is a lot of time elapsed between the start of the attempt and when the pain was so bad I ended up mentioning it to someone and I should have died anyway based on the LD50 and timing and didn't. I was way over the LD50. So... no promises or guarantees for anything.

Also I am sorry you are here and hope somehow you get better and wind up happy. If you haven't tried to get better at all, please at least try that first.