brokenwaves
i need to cross a border that’s hard to define
- Feb 19, 2021
- 118
forgive me while i be a downer & share my thoughts from today. i wish i didn't stop my first attempt as a teenager, i wish i had succeeded and it all could have ended there, people would be less hurt as they were not as attached to me back then. i also would have saved myself a lot of pain and trauma, so stupid of me to think i had been through the worst of it - that wasn't even half of it. abuse has messed me up beyond repair & i carry my trauma inside me like cement weighing me down every moment. every attempt at recovery i have made, every friend and relationship i have poured my soul into, it all caused more pain. i wish i never got people's hopes up with every attempt at recovery, seeing me improve slightly and then suddenly crash back down. i'm sick of this cycle, this earth has nothing for me - and i don't think i can take the slightest of pain, if somebody says something hurtful to me i just spiral and want to destroy myself. sick of it all and all i can think of is escaping it all. my life has just been pain, pain, and stupid attempts at escaping that pain. such a sick joke for me to have existed and endure all this pain. no hope left in me today unfortunately, guess i'll go sleep and pretend i don't exist for a few hours..
