Why is it so hard for me

[Painless_end]

Why is it so hard ?

Also, how many of you have a sinking feeling that you may never really be able to CTB but you keep coming back to this site every time things get too difficult ?

I feel so tense, like I wish to die in the next moment. But truthfully speaking, I might never have the courage or determination to do that physically to myself. I am not an SN taker. The only options remotely I could consider is jumping or hanging. I can't bring myself to jump and I've tried full or partial hanging several times in the past with no success.

I am very sad and very tense all the time these days.

 

[Worndown]

That is common. Think of this as a support group you can turn to during those bad times.

 

[Chiisai]

Why is it so hard ?

Also, how many of you have a sinking feeling that you may never really be able to CTB but you keep coming back to this site every time things get too difficult ?

I feel so tense, like I wish to die in the next moment. But truthfully speaking, I might never have the courage or determination to do that physically to myself. I am not an SN taker. The only options remotely I could consider is jumping or hanging. I can't bring myself to jump and I've tried full or partial hanging several times in the past with no success.

I am very sad and very tense all the time these days.

I feel you and I want you to know that you are not alone in this. Heck, I attempted different methods with unverified probabilities just to CTB but now that I have SN which a high rate of success, I now hesitate. I believe most of us here are stuck in limbo. Yes we wanna go but there are reasons that prevents us be it the desired methods, financial, personal, etc. Just know you are not alone. If it helps even just a little bit, use this forum to share your thoughts or talk to someone. Hope this forum helps you gather the strength in whatever you wish be it to leave or to carry on.

Sending hugs. :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, life really is tiring. Despite wanting to die for a long time there is a part of me that wonders if I will ever be able to do it. It is hard to leave this world as we are programmed to survive. For me there is also a fear of failing a method. I wish it was easier to let go of life. It is like being trapped in a way. The thing that I want is to fall into an eternal sleep. I'm sorry you are suffering.

 

[Chiisai]

I understand, life really is tiring. Despite wanting to die for a long time there is a part of me that wonders if I will ever be able to do it. It is hard to leave this world as we are programmed to survive. For me there is also a fear of failing a method. I wish it was easier to let go of life. It is like being trapped in a way. The thing that I want is to fall into an eternal sleep. I'm sorry you are suffering.

How lovely would it be to just fall into eternal sleep at will. <3

 

[Painless_end]

I am so saddened it's almost unbearable

I may always be suicidal but may never actually commit suicide

It feels too difficult

At the same time, life brings its own challenges and makes you face them every moment. It's too much for me. I am not a functional adult.